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Sharing my experience

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Well some of you may know and some may not, but either way I feel like I should share my experience with suicide on here.


I dated this girl in highschool and we fell head over heals for eachother. Then all of the sudden one night she tells me that she was leaving to go out with her old boyfriend. I was completely crushed by this. After this I fell into a deep cycle of depression. I was stressed out over school and feeling really crappy over the whole girl thing. I decided that it would be a good idea to take my own life, end my pain and get out of this world. I planned the day of my death down to the very minute. I felt really good after I had finally made the plans and decided to go through with them. Then something really weird happened. A random person online messaged me on msn after reading my online diary, in which I had hinted at the fact that I was going to take my life. She slowly learned that I was going to kill myself and in doing so found out where I lived. She then contacted the school board in my city which later got back to me in my highschool. I got called down to the councilor's office to talk about this and he said that he had to call my family and let them know about what was going on. He told her everything and then let me talk to her. I picked up the phone and all I heard was her crying. That was all it took, a very big real dose of the pain I would cause the people close to me if I killed myself. I changed my mind and decided to stick around for a while to see where life would take me, not so much for me but for my mother.


It's been almost two years now since that all happened and I've learned a lot since then. I never thought about the after effects of picking my day to die. There were lots of times when I felt like I was living on borrowed time but as the days past I began to feel that I've earned the right to live and no stupid SOB is going to take that away from me, including myself. I've learned a lot about how to deal with the hard knocks life throws at me and how things are never worth ending my life over. Sure there were lots of times where I just wanted to jump out my window and end it all. However I got through those times and am really glad that I did. Someone pointed out to me that if something goes wrong in my life it is always fixable, problems are never forever so why would I make a choice to end my life over them? Ending my life is forever.


I don't really know why I felt like posting this, I just clicked on the forum and felt the urge to share my story with everyone. I see so many people here going through many of lifes trials and they feel like things will never get better. I guess what I'm trying to say is that taking your life is not a very wise choice to make as things can and will get better as time goes on. If you're not around to see them then you'll never know that. Just think, wouldn't you rather live to see what might be then to die and know everything that can never be? That curiosity alone is what has kept me going through some tough times over the last two years.


I hope that some of you read this and start to think about what I've said. It makes sense, you and I both know that.


If anyone feels the need to talk about how they're feeling or ask some questions about how I've delt with things over the years, I look forward to getting a PM from you!


Good luck to you my friends, the road ahead is a long one, filled with many twists and turns but trust me when I tell you its a road worth going down. There are so many wonderful things you'll see along the way.

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Thank you for posting that Hannibal! I have been where you were too, and I am sooo glad to be here today.


I wish there was a place on the forum that threads/posts could remain permanent, kind of like the stickys, because your thread may be the inspiration to someone out there contemplating suicide.

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