Need Advice confused??

[sk8tergrl]

OK I need help with a friend that I think likes me not sure. Shes a girl and she says shes bi but I am not sure. Some days she will be nice to me and hug me well basically flirt. Some days she hates me? Thats where I am confused. I don't know weather to say I like you or not. Shes the first girl I have actully liked maybe the only. I never really liked her til maybe a month ago I don't know why i started likeing her in the first place.

 

Does anyone have any adive?

Has this happened to you what did you do?

 

 

 

Thanks for your help.

[PocoDiablo]

Are you a guy or girl?

[sk8tergrl]

A girl my username on here is sk8tergrl

[PocoDiablo]

Doh, I am a complete idiot! Sorry!

 

First, I always tell guys that with women actions speak louder than words. It does not matter what she says, in a sense, as much as what she does. The fact that she says she is bi means nothing unless you see her dating other women. The fact that she is hot & cold is unnerving to me, personally. The first thing I tell folks is to never date a woman who is clinically insane. I don't know what she is doing, but that's the problem. Is it normal?

 

Of course, the other thing to keep in mind is that her reputation is probably VERY important to her. You may be one of a few people who know she is (potentially) bi. She may act cold to you in front of a group of friends who think she is straight. That makes sense, as she is protecting her reputation. However, do you really want to be treated like that? I know I won't tolerate it. You either treat me good or you're GONE. I have enough self-respect to realize that I cannot let someone do that to me, and maybe you should to.

 

Now, as far as telling her you like her, that's just not a good move. With a bi/lesbian relationship there is typically the "lipstick" and "butch" member. You need to find out if she's lipstick, because then you need to act like a guy (butch) and ask her out on a date. If you are lipstick, then you have to flirt with her and make it known that you like her with eye contact, physical contact (arms, legs, back, neck, hair) and by making yourself *somewhat* available to be with her.

 

Then, go on a date. Flirt, joke, have fun. Be yourself and see if there is any chemistry. If there is, then go for a goodnight kiss - slowly - gently - and take it from there.

 

How do I know? My ex-wife of 11 years was bi, and so was her GF, so suffice to say I have quite a bit of real life experience with it. Of course, it's slightly different from my point of view (being male) but I think you get the jist of it.

 

Good luck!

[sk8tergrl]

thanks so much.

That makes sense because when its just me and some girls she told she is supposively bi she flirts but if its guys she acts as if she doesn't like me.

I think I will just act as if its normal, then when she flirts with me I will tell her well what are you in to me or no. There are some mixed signals I am reciving.

 

 

Or maybe something else thanks again.

 

Your advice helpped me alot.

 

thanks

[HoldMeTightly]

just tell her.

what's the worst that can happen?

[sk8tergrl]

i guess maybe i don't know though

[Jinx]

Those swings are always wonderful.

 

In your case you have a better chance when it comes to expression in already knowing that she is Bi. You could always casually ask her and just get her input to be sure. Of course it would have to be a straight answer in that case, not beating around the bush, maybe or maybe not. That wouldn't help any. I think though, that if she isn't sure, you'll have to sit aside as a friend otherwise you may be in for a world of hurt, Bi or not.

 

Anyhow I can't quite give too much advice on what to do. One woman I had been interested in whom claims to be straight goes through these phases from being very flirty acting and what not to being distant and cold but still stares at me. I love to be able to read minds sometimes when they go through these attitude swings. Like many of the gentlemen of the board here have mentioned before in posts I've made, it all might be a matter of confusion and being unsure - whether its time to step back or dive in for a swim so to speak.

 

She may be interested but if you two are friends and she approaches first, what if you refuse? Not good, risks the friendship. Some people just don't want to ruin something valuable as friendship to meet their romantic interest. Like with the woman I'm interested in, despite she claims straight and we're still friends, I was taking the chance that she'd back away and tell me to stay away. That may be a major problem between you two. Then again she may be caught in an entirely different whirl of confusion and further on the confusion of this situation, she may be very well interested in you but for one reason or another isn't pursuing a relationship.

 

For myself, if I truly wanted a relationship I could most likely go out and really push and snoop to find someone, and if I wanted to go further and ask this "straight" woman of mine out to dinner or movies in a first platonic manner, I probably could give it my best shot but right now is not a time in my life where I am really giving a huge concern about relationships. If this woman approached me further I'd say Yes in a second but since she isn't I'm sticking it on the back burner because I've a thousand other matters to deal with in my life now and relationships like I say if the right person asks, Sure, if not well life goes on.

 

So much to sacrifice, attraction, and everything life throws at us will add to the Whys of an attitude towards another, even when there is interest.