Rebounds, how do they work?

[Natedoggld182]

I am curious on a few things and your opinions.

 

My ex broke up with me in July (3yr relationship), we've been trying to remain friends (not working by the way, save that for another post). After she broke up she immediately starting sleeping with a friend at work that she became friends with while we were together. and i guess they have been hooking up ever since, (its not my business and i dont ask, but when i go over to visit her and my two buddys, she lives with two of my good friends, there is usually a couple condom rappers sitting on top of the trash can)

 

She says that they are not dating, even though he has insisted that they start many times and she has turned him down. She has told me that he is just a rebound and she would never date him and she wants to be single for a while, but im not sure if i completely believe her or not (not that it really matters)

 

My question is that Ive read the rebounds usually postpone the healing process, and never work out, IS this true? I've never had a "rebound", what is the mindset of the dumper? and how long do rebounds usually last? I mean eventually you would have to get emotionally attached to someone your spending time with and sleeping with, right?? so then it could result in a relationship, or does this usually not happen?

 

 

any personal experiences??

[NR498E]

aagghhh..Rebounds a very tricky and they come in many diffrent forms.Im really sorry that you have to witness such a specticul.In this particular case Id venture to guess she is just using him to help herself get over you.Ther is no telling how long a rebound can last.I think I a was a rebound for my last gf after her bf died.It lasted 3 yrs.

[Natedoggld182]

thanks for the thoughts, yeah i have a messed up couple months but am doing well.

 

so you were a rebound that eventually turned into a relationship?? hhmmmm... she insists that they are not and wont be dating. did you know you were a rebound when you went in or did she say she wasn't looking for a relationship? or when did you guy become bf/gf so to say

[NR498E]

When me and her got together there was no talk abut rebounds or any of that.Her previous boyfriend,her first love.Literaly droped dead about 3 months before we hooked up.Its a long story.When she dumped me this alst summer one of reasons was she never gave herself time to get over him.Hignsights 20/20.

[newts]

Nate it a hard one,

 

When I left my husband of 8 years I wanted to be by myself, however, I did meet somebody that I was sleeping with, I never wanted anything more and told him that, he tried a few times to take it to the next level and I refused. He started seeing somebody else and I got jealous, then when started a full on relationship for 2 years, it ended up finishing and was devestated and so was he. He started seeing somebody else 2 days later and they got engaged 7 weeks later (now that's a rebound) 7 months later he is miserable with his finace'.

 

What I am saying is there is no guarantee that a rebound will last, however, when emotions are envloved there is telling tell how long they will last its up to the 2 individuals. It is usually a sign that the other person is trying to just move on for the wrong or right reasons.

[Natedoggld182]

thnks that really helps,

 

heres some other thoughts of mine

 

she has told me that she is sleeping with him to get over me and wants nothing more, but i know that she gets angry when her family says that they dont like him and dont want him around. now to me, if she didn't truly have feelings for him, why would she get upset whether her family approved of him or not??

 

i also think she isn't admitting to herself that she might actually like to be more than just "friends with benifits" with him.

 

the weird thing is that she still has pictures of us up in her room and still has all of the letters and notes that i've written her when we were together, so i believe she is still somewhat attached.

 

I'm trying not to get involved anymore, i've been in the middle these last few months and just dont really care anymore, but am just curious on what the rebound situation is like.

 

thanks for your thoughts! anymore are appreciated

[NR498E]

dude,you need to cut this broad out of your life completely.i dont mean to be harsh but your torturing yourself.who cares what the rebound situation is with her.in the end it doesnt even matter.you should be looking to grab a board of your own.goodkuck bro

[Natedoggld182]

dont worry, i realized that she really can't be apart of my life the way that i would like (thats a whole nother story). I was just wondering what what usually happens and what she might be thinking

[newts]

She is not thinking! Just trying to move onto the next level.

 

You better off trying not to worry about what she is thinking as only she knows.

[NR498E]

shes mad her family doesnt like him because thats a insult to her ability to make a c good decison.as far as whats going through her head who knows.people do crazy things after a break up.

[Natedoggld182]

yeah, i know, stop thinking about. harder said than done. Im working on that part. and a rebound of my own too, haha.

 

appreciate the help

[suprema99]

I agree with newts, she is not thinking. To natedogg, having condoms on the garbage can just shows your excepting this stuff. What girll worth anything to you would be screwing someone else like that? Don't you feel at all like she could never be trusted? If it was worth anything she wouldn't of took it that far.

[Jut]

Dude

Shes sleeping with someone else and telling you that and you are hanging in there to listen to all this BS. Either you dont love her and want to save the sex rather than the relationship all or you are too blinded by love to see that you are not respecting yourself. my view , you are losing in both cases. Get out of her life and get one of your own.