Embarassing...

[Stinkweed]

Ok, there has got to be a way to improve, you know, talking to girls... I bet I'd be classified as elementary school-level when it comes to that... I mean, how can I never think of anything to start a conversation? I feel so dumb. I've blown many chances because of this and many other insecurities... And it doesn't seem like I might be getting many more chances anytime soon... I wish I could improve (other way than trial and error, because I don't wanna make a fool out of myself...) Any tips?

[Down-In-A-Hole]

The key here is to not over- think about what you're going to say.

 

However, I don't know if you're talking about total strangers or girls that you already know, so that would make a difference. But, in general, you should try and find a common ground between you and her. From that common point, conversation can go anywhere and everywhere, uncovering even more common ground.

 

Keep in mind too, in the approaching a stranger scenario, some strangers just don't want to be bothered and won't communicate with you (common ground or not).

 

Just try your hardest to relax, and focus on a commonality between you and the girl. And remember, the surrounding environment (i.e. nature, architecture, items on a store shelf, etc) is always a commonality between two people that inhabit it.

[whitefang]

Im feel exactly the same way, not known how to intiate a conversation purely because i can't think of anything good and i feel totally pathetic at times when i see this girl that i would like too date just walk past me and me not saying or doing anything ](*,)

[darkblue]

I really don't fully understand the fear of speaking with the opposite sex.

I can't ever remember being like that.

 

Did it ever occur to you, that they are just human, too?

[Stinkweed]

Well, the "fear" is not of the entire opposite sex. I mean, I have some friends who are girls, and I can talk to them just fine. I just dunno why it is so much harder when I find the girl attractive, or when I'm the one who's gonna have to do most of the talking (some of my friends who are girls are very talkative...). But man, it's so stupid... I bet I'd be made fun of by other guys my age if they ever saw me talk to a girl like that... I'm serious here, it's below elementary school level. It is indeed pathetic... I get so nervous man...

[blueangel]

There's nothing wrong with you. Nobody's happy and outgoing 24/7- they go home to themselves too. They have insecurities too. Just believe in yourself. You have nothing to lose. Take chances and do the unexpected. You'll regret it if you dont.

 

think of it this way- what could a girl say to YOU to make you feel comfortable and understood? Smile and act confident. Then you'll realize you've had it in you all along. Make little goals for yourself.

 

It'll be all right. I've learned that you can be humiliated after many events occur but life goes on and it isn't good to dwell. Nobody else is. Every second you get is a another chance. You dont have to prove yourself. Just let yourself be you. There's nothing to be afraid of in the end.

 

Charm. That's the word. Charm a girl- make her feel special... but do it only because you think she is. No one likes players!

 

Being you is the best way to be different from the crowd- which is what every girl looks out for. No one's judging you. They're waiting to see how you make THEM feel about themselves. Be comfortable, be genuine, be kind and never look back.

[atraceofblood]

I really don't fully understand the fear of speaking with the opposite sex.

I can't ever remember being like that.

 

Did it ever occur to you, that they are just human, too?

 

it's definitely not the fact that they are female, there's something other than that that makes me (and I'm sure some of you in this thread) feel roadblocked.

 

There's this discomfort that arises because I feel like I have to perform a certain way so that I do not ruin my chances. It is like I have to say the right things at the right times or else I may embarrass myself and lose everything with the girl.

 

Of course it's easy to say to "be yourself" and talk to them as friends, and I am currently learning about that right now, but there is still a discomfort and a big difference between girls that I am completely attracted to and girls that have been friends that I have never had a real attraction towards.

 

I am still unsure of what to make out of this.

[blueangel]

You have to remind yourself that there's nothing to lose. If you mess up, she'd be too judgemental to turn you away like that at a simple drop of a hat. Have fun with life (and it'll have fun with you!- ooh, that sounds scary)

[ShySoul]

Blueangel raises some good points.

 

Dead Eyes, I think I see your main problem and it has nothing to do with conversational skills.

 

But man, it's so stupid... I bet I'd be made fun of by other guys my age if they ever saw me talk to a girl like that... I'm serious here, it's below elementary school level. It is indeed pathetic... I get so nervous man...

 

You are constantly putting yourself down for this. You call yourself pathetic, an elementary schooler, stupid, and say you will be made fun of. If you keep saying these things all you are doing is reinforcing your belief that you can't talk to a girl you are attracted to. You convince yourself you can't do it, and so you won't. It is a self fulfilling prophecy. As long as you have the attitude that you will mess up, you will subconsciously find a way to mess up. What you need to do is start practicing a little positive reinforcement. You need to tell yourself you can do it. You need to believe it can be done. You need to stop worrying about what others will think and just say things. It's never as made as we often like to imagine it wil be.