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b/f wont stand up for me

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There is an employer of mine who owes me money. Allot of money. Now he is interested in buying my b/f's company. Or at least buying his partner out, which would make him my b/f's partner now. Well my b/f and i got into a huge fight because i said"How could you do business with someone who owes your g/f money?" He says this is his deal and i should stay out of it.

I got very upset and said if my own b/f doesnt have my back , who does? He just tells me i am crazy. What do you guys think? BUt i am very hurt by this. My b/f knows how desperate i am to collect.

He did make one phone call to him last week. The employer said he would pay me back the loan i gave him. And he did.But that was nothing compared to what is owed to me for my back payroll. Should I just keep my mouth shut? I feel like my b/f is very concerned with his own deal and could care less about me.

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It sounds to me also that he's only concerned with his own well-being as well.


Do not keep your mouth shut about this because if you feel strongly about your position then stand it and tell your bf how you feel about these circumstances. It seems to me that he's putting his work before you which is, in my belief, the wrong thing to do. Is this the first time you've seem this side of him? How does he "stand up for you" in general. Does he at all? HOw has the relationship been going before this company business?


There are lots of questions to ask yourself about why he could be acting like this. If you really feel that he doesn't care much about you then I suggest you tell him this and let him know how serious you are about the well-being of the relationship

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Well there is three flips to this coin:


1) Yes it is disappointing when your partner doesn't stand behind when you are in the right. So yes, you are validated in being hurt and disappointed; however,


2) He did make a call last week for you which shows he DOES care about what happened, and you did get your loan paid back; and


3) Business is business. He is not going to be actual partners with him, it is only during the transition. Unless it is blood money, laundered or illegal let him take care of his business without having to include your business. They are two separate issues, and should be dealt with at two separate times and not intertwined.

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Thank you for your responses.My girlfriend told me of this site , she was right! you guys are great!

I am just emotionally distraught because of this.

Yes, he did call regarding my loan to my employer. But he only did this because i begged and pleaded with him too. We have known each other for a long time and have only been dating almost year. But he is aware of my financial desperation at the moment. I ama single mother, my child needs braces , i have lawyer fee's and its xmas!!! So he knows how desperate i am to collect that money. I guess i feel hurt because i found myself in a really big mess and i just dont feel supported at all , by anyone. I thought he would at least offer emotional support but he just keeps telling me "I created this mess all by myself and i need to clean it all by myself"

The business is VERY legal - BTW

He has always shown some support , no prince on the horse , by no means , but a good man. He has never dated a women with a child , so it has gotten some taking used too.

I cant even talk to him regarding this issue- i start crying , he just fumes up at me. I asked him to tell this employer " when you pay your emplyees what they are owed , then we can discuss business" But he doesnt see this.

BTW - I am not the only employee owed back pay! There are like 10 of us .

Thank you for listening

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haventfoundahome -


It sounds like your bf is about to become partners with someone that isn't trustworthy to begin with. Can't he see that he'll be in a position to lose from the same jerk as well?


I've never been to small claims court but you may want to find out if this is an option for you and contact the Better Business people as well. Could the 10 of you that didn't get paid get a permit from the town to demonstrate outside this guy's place of business? I'd contact the local papers as well and see if you can't get some other pressure on this guy since your boyfriend can't or won't help.

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Personally I would separate your action from your bfs, yes you have a right to be upset but it is his business that he is considering here. If you are having problems collecting your back pay then you should consult your legal options (especially since there are 10 of you). A threat may be good enough to get the money you are owed.

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hmmmm, interesting aspect about the employees...I'm not sure what to answer there, but I would contact an attorney who practices in employment law. Your bf should be leary about getting involved, but it is his butt should this guy rip him off too.


I don't think it was nice that he told you that this was your mess. Maybe that should be your attitude when this guy screws your bf over too

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I agree with ratherbesailings advice, you should be taking these complaints to the Better Business Bureau - I believe you may even be able to file these online at their website.


If he has not paid you or other employees, that is illegal, and there are methods for you to recoup that money from him without depending on your boyfriend to do it for you.


I would be worried about your boyfriend going into business with someone whom is not very trustworthy, lest he become another victim. It's one thing to go down with a sinking ship, another to jump on when it already is filling up with water!


I DO however think that you need to not be too critical of your boyfriend at this point. It sounds like he does care, and he did work to get you your loan money back to you. It also sounds like this guy is buying your your boyfriends partner, that does not mean he needs to be overly involved in the business, and depending on the agreements of the partnership, your boyfriend may not have a lot of control over whom buys his partner out at this point. However, that does not mean he is free and clear if this buyer is not found to be operating under suspicious circumstances (like not paying employees) so I would advise he REALLY look at what he is doing, and make sure his *assets* are covered in this case so that he does not lose his business, or the autonomy he has in his business. You have already warned him though, so it's his business, and his right to do as he wishes with it. However it ends.

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Your b/f should be careful that if he goes into business with this guy he isn't taking on some responsibility for his previous debts - for instance, if they are 'merging' their businesses together in any way, he may have some liability for outstanding debts.


I am not a lawyer but I think your boyfriend needs a good one if he partners with this guy in any undertaking.


It would be ironic if your boyfriend ended up being legally responsible for paying you half or more of the money you are owed.

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