This is so unfair

[rosstheboss]

hi, i am hoping for some good advice on this one!

 

my gf and i have been together for just over a year. i love her so much but our relationship just isnt what i want.

she is younger than me and still at school. i work full time in a good job.

 

i can honestly see us breaking up because of the way things are going. we still love each other very much and get on great.

 

how does one deal with this? we've tried changing the relationship in ways but we're still not happy.

 

i'm going to be devestated to loose her but in my head i know we can't go on if we aren't happy.

 

Please help!!

[Cooperstown]

Welcome to my world, I just recently told my GF of 2 years that I needed a break. Right now it's not looking to good for us. She's an amazing person that I have a mountain of respect for and I truly do care about her immense an immense amount. The problem was the feelings I had for her just aren't there anymore. Sometimes no matter how much you want something to work it doesn't. You can't force it and you can't help it, that's just how it works. You need to sit down and have a very realistic conversation with her about what you need to be happy and what she needs to be happy and then determine if you can do those things together. Honesty is always the best route.

[PocoDiablo]

Yup, honesty works.

 

I like to remind folks that you can really love and care for someone, just like you can love your parents or sister, but not be IN love with them. It's a big difference.

 

If there is no chemistry, then ... accept it and find the one who has it!

[Mrocza]

I'm in the same boat.

 

My too-good-to-be-true relationship has dwindled drastically over just the past month. We both have personal problems we need to work out and it's a strain on our relationship...but we still love each other very much.

The chemistry however...has died. We're in the process of seeking space from one another to prioritize our lives. I love him so much, but at the same time I need to think about myself.

 

Good luck

[rosstheboss]

if i do dump her i just do not know how i can possibly get her out of my life. everything i do everywhere i go reminds me of her. she is on every im program, website, my own website. i know i will buckle and look at these things shes on to see what shes up to and then if i see her moving on i'll be destroyed again.

we even have christmas presents bought for each other and have things planned for over the holidays.

 

i just can't cope with this, i don't even know how to go about talking to her.

i'm in such a mess

 

but most of all i still love her

[Mrocza]

Breaking up with her doesn't mean getting rid of her permanently in your life.

 

My boyfriend and I talked and we said if we're still not doing well after this little "break" or "space", we'll always be friends, regardless if we're together or not.

 

Just because you're not with the person in a relationship doesn't mean they have to be out of your life.

 

I advise not to do it before Christmas. Just try to take it slwo, enjoy each others company and let her down easily :S It's not an easy thing to do but you need to think about your happiness. Just give it some time to dwindle...so she can be prepared as well. A relationship relies on communication- don't be afraid to tell her how you feel, even if it is the end.