Saving a friendship

[life4journey]

Hi all .. how can a person save a faltering friendship? What does it take to save a long distance friendship. If both persons care about each other at one point, but after so much time and energy spent trying to make it work yet still not completely successful, what else can be done? Has anyone been in this situation before?

[lady00]

My gut reaction is: a friendship shouldn't be that much work. It should just be natural and fun. Sure, it takes a bit of effort to stay in touch but it shouldn't feel like work. Without any more info on your situation that is pretty much all I can say. If I have a faltering friendship, I usually just let it go. Friendship shouldn't cause anyone anxiety.

[thinkstoomuch]

I agree completely and totally. Friendships should be easy as hell. My best friend I've known for my entire life, and i see him about once a month, tops. we always pick up right where we left off. No pesky phone calls or emails or hurt feelings when we don't see each other enough.

 

If its too much trouble, its not worth it.

[life4journey]

I suppose you guys are right... but just curious "thinkstoomuch", if you've known the person that long, wouldn't you have disagreements or arguments every now and then? Come on, we're all old enough to know there's no such thing as a smooth ride on any relationships. You have to go through those difficult moments to mature in the relationship. What do you guys do when you have major differences? You're very fortunate to have that kind of friendship, especially when you've known your best friend all your life!! That's a rarity in itself. Actually I really care a great deal about this friend, it's like finding your long lost sister. We just bonded from the very beginning we met .. it's just that having so much personal issues of my own, and to make things worst our friendship was a long distance one, so that compounded the whole complexities on its own. We're both just got so exhausted that we have said/done somethings that basically blew up the friendship and torn our feelings to pieces. If there's any chance of the friendship ever righting itself is if by miracle both of us drop our prides and commit to making the changes that caused the problems in the first place. Right now I just feel so hurt, everytime I think about my friend, I have tears swelling in my eyes.

[thinkstoomuch]

I suppose you guys are right... but just curious "thinkstoomuch", if you've known the person that long, wouldn't you have disagreements or arguments every now and then? Come on, we're all old enough to know there's no such thing as a smooth ride on any relationships. You have to go through those difficult moments to mature in the relationship.

Actually, it's been smooth sailing for the entire thing. As kids I'd get mad at him and knock his bike over or something, probably for something stupid like calling me a swear word. We were young. The only "fight" I remember having with him is when we shared an apartment when we were both around 20. He got pissed at me because he had to wash the dishes 3 times in a row and I didn't offer to do them when I saw he was doing them the 3rd time. We fought for about 5 minutes, I apologized and said I'd clean them. He apologized for blowing it out of proportion. I washed the dishes, the end.

 

Some of my friendships have been filled with more drama than this one, and they're worth maintaining. To a point. But even the friends I see more often than this guy won't ever be considered as good a friend as he is.

[life4journey]

Sometimes I wonder you know .. does true friendship really exist? Now hearing a story such as yours, I guess it does, but like I said it's a rarity. Because there's so many factors that go into a friendship it's almost impossible to keep one for a very lengthy period of time. As I said, with this friend of mine, we cared about each other, but I think my lack of ability to hold a trust in someone becomes the major issue, especially when we're miles apart. If we live within a driving range, things may be different.