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just a general question this and i'm sure it has happened to many people before.

here is my story:


i am a fairly outgoing guy, not hugely but fairly with a few good friends. i met my now gf around a year ago and she was very shy, had low self-esteem and was quite an introvert.

since we've been going out she tries very hard to better herself especially in appearance. she has lost weight, had several hair styles (where as before it was just scraped back into a pony-tail every day), she wears a lot of different nice clothes (where as before it was the same black trousers and blink 182 tshirt!) and has made a huge amount of new friends.


My problem:

I think she has 'over-taken' me in how out-going she is, and I don't like it!

I am happy to think that I have helped her boost her self-esteem and made her happier but I feel like I want the old her back (not the one right at the start but somewhere in between!) my counsellor says that it makes me feel threatened which is probably true.


has anyone else had this problem and if so how can i make myself feel better about it?


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Well, part of it obviously IS that you feel threatened, perhaps that she will move higher up the social ladder, more attractive, and generally a better class of person than you perceive yourself as. The result? She'll leave you behind and keep moving up, right? Dump you because she thinks she might be able to do better? Not necessarily true.


Another thing that may be bothering you, is that she's not exactly who she was when you met her. There were probably qualities that attracted you in the first place, that have been replaced with a more outgoing, self-serving personae. In other words, the girl you fell in love with isn't quite the same anymore. This would obviously scare you a bit.


She will still love you for who you are, but try to keep things interesting. Challenge her in different ways, and always make her feel like she's the best thing in your life.

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No matter who you have a relationship with, you'll both change. You'll each have ups and downs that challenge you.

Is she happier now? If you care about her, that's what you'd want for her.

You can't keep her in a cage.


Have you read Pygmalion? A classic story with a similar theme.

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