A hopeful update!

[octopus]

Hi everyone,

 

Since my break-up last week, I've been posting everything I feel, sometimes several times a day. Here's an update, and it's a relatively good one, because I am stronger, and because he told me something I wanted to hear.

 

I'd written that I sent him an email yesterday (around noon), for his birthday, breaking NC of 1 week. I had initially thought I'd send a simple email, but I ended up sending a long letter with everything on my mind, making sure not to sound desperate. Then I started checking email every minute, until I got off work at 6 PM, and nothing came. SO the high I had right after I'd sent that email had turned out to a horrible low.

 

When I went to my hotel , I saw him online, and he thanked me for writing and said he'd call me once he gets home and maybe we could talk.

 

Well, now that it was for sure we were going to be talking, I had to make sure I would not fall apart and cry and sound miserable. This was especially hard because it's only been one week and it's been very, very bad to handle. I hadn't been sleeping more than a few hours, and I hadn't eaten anything solid for a whole week.

 

So I got some alcohol, and put on my happiest music, and started dancing, while waiting for his call. I got myself in a good mood, I practiced my lines and I wrote all over the mirror "I will sound strong!". So he called. I sounded very happy and strong. On the contrary, he sounded like crap... He told me he didn't do anything this weekend, and for today (his bday) he didn't do anything special either. (all my fears of him going running back to an ex obviously weren't so well founded!)

 

and... he told me that he missed me this weekend!

 

Guess what I told him, although I couldn't believe my ears after I said it Well, I'm moving out and moving on. I will be the queen of my own life again, be the strong and independent woman I was when we met. And I'm letting you go, you can date whoever you want --if that's what's gonna take for us to realize what we have -- and so can I. This is your birthday, and almost new year's and you should sound hopeful; I want to hear happiness in your voice! I told you I'm not clining to you, because that's what loving someone is all about, you let them be happy, with or without you"

 

Now, I don't mean one piece of this, I mean I do love him, but I don't want to let him go, and why did I say this?? I guess I'll have to pretend for a while!

 

But the overall impression for the conversation was that I was strong, I had done a lot this weekend and he did nothing and just missed me (although I was absolutely miserable). I also told him that for him to love me or anyone else, he needs to relax this 'marriage' constraint in his mind and he agreed.

 

Now I need your advice again. Should I go home this week, or should I wait another 2 weeks and hope he still keeps on missing me? I am -unannouncedly- going back to NC, or I should say limited contact, just waiting for HIM to contact me. He's very confused, and I think he needs time to think about things. What should my strategy be? I also think I should go to an relationship counselor on my own.

 

The moral of this week-long sad, sad lesson is that doing NC for a week - one week only- stopped me from sending him pointless emails, or calling and talking to him with a crying voice and making myself believe that from now on, I don't have him. On the other side, it made him miss me and realize if I were out of his life, he'd miss me. I honestly don't feel half as bad as I did last week, and partly that's because I made myself understand that from now on, I'm moving on and whether he comes back to me (which I want very much) or not, I'll be living my own life.

[annie24]

Guess what I told him, although I couldn't believe my ears after I said it Well, I'm moving out and moving on. I will be the queen of my own life again, be the strong and independent woman I was when we met. And I'm letting you go, you can date whoever you want --if that's what's gonna take for us to realize what we have -- and so can I. This is your birthday, and almost new year's and you should sound hopeful; I want to hear happiness in your voice! I told you I'm not clining to you, because that's what loving someone is all about, you let them be happy, with or without you"

 

Good girl!!! I think that this was good. You know I don't agree with the long e-mail, but this was good.

 

I say, stick to NC. To me, he was harsh, telling you he knows he doesn't want to marry you, so he wants to break up and continue dating. Keep that in your head if you think of breaking NC. He has to miss you in his life. If you keep calling, even if it is sporadically, he won't miss you! Because you're "still there."

 

Really - let him experience life without you. I know you love him very much, but, ultimately, is he really acting like the man of your dreams right now? No. Your dream man would never say something like that to you.

 

You two only dated for 6 months, right?

 

It's good that he says he misses you, but that's not enough. What you need to hear is "I miss you, I want you, let's try again." Anything short of that is just fluff.

 

I'd say, keep NC.

 

good luck