Do I have a chance to get back together with her ? Advice !

arkada123 · October 19, 2002

My girlfriend of four years broke up with me after 4 yrs in which we lived together and she always wanted to marry me. On the other hand, always pushed the topic aside. She did love me very much and so did I.

She was on vacation for 3 months. She came back and during the week after she came back I acted as if I didn't care so much. She was distatnt too. She met a guy on her trip and cheated with him on me. She broke up with me and two weeks after he came to live with. She said she needed him to get over me. She said the reason is I was too controlling (true) and always pressured her(true again). I was stubborn and it was my way or the highway. I do regret being that way and did learn the biggest lesson of my life. Fast forwarding to now. She remained in touch with me and everytime she calls me she sounds like the happiest person on earth. We had a lot of arguments after the breakup. I told her that I realized my mistakes and I will change and make things work out. She said is afraid to come back to me.

The new guy initially prevented her from seeing me, but afterwards with me helping her she gained strength and started seeing me again. She said she trust me more and repects me more. I asked her if she loved him and she responded after a pause "not as much as a i loved you". I fully realize my mistakes (the biggest lesson of my life). She did tell me she loves me once after even he came to live with her. She lets me hold her hand sometimes. I proposed to her and got her a diamond ring .. she cried and didn't say no. after one week and a half she said she can't come back to me cause 1) she cheated .. I will never trust her again 2) my personality. I told her I can never talk to her again ... she cried so much. Then I called her next day & I said we can stay in touch but we decided not to talk for a week so that we cool down. She said she wanted to build a friendship with me (he was beside her on the phone when she said that). She may really want a freinship and really does .. I am not sure. But she is willign to upset him/fight with him to stay in touch with me. I have to admit I did act irractionally after the break up and she always met me so that we stay in touch she does care. I do love her so much and I regret what I did so much too. She is my soulmate. I want her to be strong towards me and build a new relationship if she comes back. So we decided not to talk for a week. She sent me a card after 2 days saying "sorry I was not calm to you yesterday, while I could not do anything properly after I finished talking with you. I do do do appreciate everything you did for me, really. but please stick to our deal, and take care. I care for you a lot, so please forgive me. " ... 2 days later she called me (again very happy) to see that i got the card. I did stick to the deal of not talking for a week. She did call. I need to show her that I changed. but it takes time. I hope she come back together with me. I realize my mistakes. I lover her so much and miss her so much. Thank you. Do I still have a chance or do I need to move on ??

SMP03 · October 20, 2002

This story sounds strangely like mine! My boyfriend and I broke up not too long ago. I was working very hard at school and work and he felt I was not giving him enough time. He met a girl who was studying abroad in our country for a few months and he cheated on me with her. He stopped seeing me for a while and started seeing her. When I found out he cheated, I could not stop picturing him with someone else. He had the nerve to tell me he was "getting attached to her". Then after a few long talks we began seeing each other again but I really could not trust him. After that I could not take it anymore and had to tell him we could still try and be friends but I could not take anymore pain. He stopped talking to me completely. Now he is still seeing her and may move to her country to be with her. I know what the pain is like. So I don't know if its my fault that I did not pay enough attention to him and too much attention to work and school or if he was just not a good person for me to be with.

Anyway, my advice to you is that she is only causing you pain. Tell her that you are not trying to pressure her but it's giving you a lot of pain with her postponing her final answer. When my ex was going back and forth I realize he was taking me on a rollercoaster and it was killing me emotionally. It still hurts now but I'm not feeling as much rage as I did before. Don't know if that helps, but good luck to you!

arkada123 · October 20, 2002

Thank you for your reply. In your case, you did not do anything wrong so he is not a good person. It is more clear than mine. In mine, I was not a good bf in some ways (I never cheated) but mainly being stubborn and we always had to do things my way. I can't blame her for feeling the way she felt even though cheating is wrong & never the way to deal with things.

In my case, I did get an answer which is she does not want to come back with the reasons she mentioned. However, I never showed her that I changed in terms of not pressuring her (unfortunately, asking her to get back together is a form or pressure) or being tough towards her. This I can show her but it will take time. I also have to tell her that I don't blame her for the cheating thing .... she did feel pressured in our relationship and I should have never acted the way I did. One thing I know is that she cares soooooo much. In terms of the other guy, she is with him but she does not respect him and I am hoping it is just a rebound thing ... she simply needs somebody there. I am sure she loves him to an extent. I asked her once .. she replied .. she does not know him well !!!! Sometimes, I feel there is no point calling her anymore or to ignore here calls. I have never done that so far. I am giving her space for the first time since we broke up. Maybe she will miss me this way. I does hurt so much. Can't sleep welll and it has been over a month. I am sure you guys went through the same thing.

mickmorley · October 23, 2002

Im not gonna give you advice, because Im in pretty Much EXACTLY the same bout as you... However my GF never cheated on me, but she did break up with me about 1 and a half weeks ago because i was too jealous, and controlling...

I have relised my problems, and am working on them really hard to make myself a better man, however, she is scared that I am just saying that to get her back. I do not know what to do... I Love her so much, I want to give her space, but im scared of loosing her... I don't know what else to do, I guess I can jsut hang tight... I am not sleeping either, let alone eating, and I have been drinking more heavily, and im scared... She is my One and Only...

Anyhow, what I wanted to say to you, is I hope it goes well for you, I do understand your pain, and I wish you all the luck...

Also if you want to read my full problem, and give me some advice (if you have it, please do, goto:

Good luck!

Edited October 20, 2015 by kamurj

mickmorley · October 25, 2002

Thanks for the post in topic.

Yeh I like you method of thinking, I really do want this girl back, I WAS going to Propose to her at the end of summer, but now all this has happened im re thinking it... Thinks might be looking up after last night though...

Anyway, keep me informed on your situation, because our situations are fairly similar, so im interested to se ehow u go. Good luck with it...