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Hooking up with friends of friends....bad idea!!!!


hoppy27

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im writing about what happened in my case. im sure many others have been there and handles it alittle differant. for me it was a big mistake i will never make again.

 

WHEN FRIENDS HOOK YOU UP GONE BAD:

 

my best friend and his fiance introduced me to a woman(25) at a party.

she is his fiances friend from school who has since been living in a differant town with her boyfriend of 6 years. i heard her name here and there previous to meeting her but never met her or had seen her.

 

we hit it off immediately.................it was obvious things were going to happen. they did and acouple days later she broke it off with her guy of 6 years. HOLYCRAP!!!!!

 

she was very aggresive towards me......physically and mentally. even though the "red flags" were there i ignored them. my first real bad move.

we hungout for alittle over a month. at this point i had some feelings for her. we had some nice "dates" and some nights ended with us getting "hot". we had great "sexual chemistry". i thought things were going good. i wasnt pushy........everything was at her speed. i wanted a relationship but i knew this needed to go slow.

 

my second mistake was believing she actually like me. out of know where she started to be "busy". she blew me off one weekend night. i never called...........i didnt want to seem "needy".

to make along story short i found it she had ditched me for someother guy. i was disapointed. i felt alittle used. i just walked away...........never called her........never tried to get an answer.

 

my third mistake was talking to my bestfriend and his fiance about it.

he told me things im sure every bestfriend says. he said he "lost respect" for her. even though he knew why she blew me off. he played it off like he didnt know wbaout the other guy aswell as to not ruin the relationship between his fiance and her.

as we are bestfriends i did in a way expect him to stick up for me.

and for the fiance of is whom i thought i was also friends with...............

even though she was the first to know she still played it off to me like she didnt. the only reason i found out was because my bestfriend told me.

 

heres my problem......................now that they both know how much this girl has bothered me they dont invite me out if they know she's going to be there.

 

when my bestfriend told me about her sleeping with two guys from the circle of people i see here and there i told him "i didnt want to even hear about it.........i just dont want to know what she's doing". he said he was telling me in hopes of making it easier to "get over". i told him i just didnt want to hear her name.

since she has moved back to town and has become "friends" with all these people and even sleeping with some of them ive been left out to

dry.

 

i havent seen this girl in alittle over 2 months.

i dont want her back.............she's for sure not for me.

my question is how can i repair what mistakes i made by talking about it with my bestfriend and his fiance.? they probably think im going to crumble if i see her, or better yet with some other guy. especially if it's

one of the other friends.

 

for those of you pondering the idea of being hooked up by friends................................sometimes it can lead to "weird" feelings between the parties involved. it certainly has in my situation.

think twice about it being for getting involved..........or you may face the situation im in.

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Question for you Hoppy: Were you really that into her to begin with? Or was it more of fling? Do you know for sure, that she knows that you were into her as much as she was into you? Relationships are all about mutual reciprocation. Maybe when you guys didn't hang out that one weekend, she realized that you weren't taking her that seriously, so, she hung out with someone instead.

 

I see this as a possible miscommunication. Yes, you guys not communicating over that one weekend is a miscommunication. Anytime when people don't communicate, it leaves room for a lot of hasty (mis)judgements. If anything, try not to leave any relationship with an angry heart, because it will just leave you feeling bitter and resentful. It's better to hear her point of view first, before jumping to conclusions. For all you know, she probably really liked you a lot. And, since she just got over a 6 year relationship, she probably didn't want to waste her time on someone who she felt might potentially hurt her. For the sake of resolving things, I would say, put the pride aside and talk to her. Easier said than done, I know. But, you guys are all friends, and it would be more fair if you guys openly and honestly communicated with each other before setting things in stone. Because I think that meeting a significant other through friends can be quite promising, if both parties approach the situation maturely.

 

Btw, if you guys weren't exclusive- i.e. boyfriend/girlfriend, and just casually dating, I can see why she was seeing other people. If it was just casual dating, then my interpretation from her is, "Okay, he obviously doesn't see us as relationship material. So, why should I sit around and wait, when in fact, there are different people who I feel are willing to take me seriously." Anyway, I still think that it's better to clarify things, before you walk off feeling empty handed.

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to be totally honest i found my self falling for her. i saw a potential for a relationship with her. im an honest guy and i told her how i felt. we talked about taking it slow. she was single to do as she pleased. i never pushed her............i told her how i felt. she assured me that she really liked me.

we had a talk one night about being "honest". she assured me honesty was high on her list aswell.

 

when i found out about the other guy i was disapointed. what can i say??

i had feelings for the girl and i didnt expect being blownoff.

 

its been 2 months since we have talked or i have seen her. calling her now would be silly dont you think?? i never got the "lets be friends" talk so how can i approach her as a "friend"? i dont need to know what happened..................she blew me off for another guy. since blowing me off she has blown him off and now she's the town bike. everyone's getting a ride.

 

i didnt intend this to seem like i want her back. i know this girl isnt the type of girl i want to be with. especially at this point. just knowing she has slept with all the guys that i sometimes hangout with makes it weird.

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Is she really the town's bike? Everyone's had a ride? Already? Dang, if she's really that dirty, then I guess. But, something just tells me that this might not be true. If it was true, then how could she stay in a relationship for 6 years? I know that most girls who are easy and sleep around don't stay in long-term relationships like that. How do you know if those guys aren't just lying and exxagerating? Some guys (the insecure, jerky types) just really like to brag about things that aren't even true, especially when it comes to scoring with women. That's a fact.

 

Talk to her, instead. I think it's quite unfair for your bestfriend to automatically take your side without listening to her side of the story. With my friends, I just don't take their side because we're friends. That's one thing that can be messy about friends- sometimes, they don't tell you what you need to hear. They tell you want you want to hear. In my opinion, if I ever did this to a friend, I would see it more as a disservice.

 

And, no, calling her at this point isn't wussing out. In fact, it makes you the better person. If she's going to be immature and be a troll about it, then, you have your answer. She wasn't ever worth it to begin with! The main point is: give it a shot. Life isn't that dramatic. You know that you will run into her since you guys are all friends. There is no avoiding the situation. It's better to just make peace rather than leaving things up in the air. If it bothers you this much, if you are an honest person, I would think that an honest person would try not to miscommunicate. Do your duty as an honest person and let her know. You're probably a nice guy, and do not deserve to walk away with a heavy heart. And, if she truly did disrespect you, let her have a piece of your mind. If she really slept with all of those guys, you can tell her that she's not the type of girl you're looking for anyway. Whatever it is, don't leave things unfinished.

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