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Terrible Stuff (continuation)


Mstamos
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For Some background info you can read these threads:

 

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Ok, so I still never heard from her about the present I had given her and still haven't heard from my good friend (Steve) that was in love with her since we broke up.

 

So the other night while talking with some mutual friends (who she has barely been in contact with since the breakup) I asked what they thought of the situation. They reluctantly said "we didn't want to tell you about this because we still aren't sure 100 percent but Sue (my friend) got a strange email from Nicole (my ex) saying how she has been spending lots of time with Steve and saying how she is seeing things in him she never saw before and how he took her to a broadway play for her birthday and then they spent a weekend upstate together." Keep in mind she was completely repulsed by this kids feelings for her while we were together and told him nothing would ever happen between them. She ended the email by saying "Well what did I expect the kid has been in love with me for the past 3 years." So that still didn't sound like they were together maybe she is just using him.

 

So after they went home I wanted to find out for myself if I was being completely naive and blind. So I swung by Steve's house at 430am (car not there) then swung by Nicole's house (his car was there.) SO now I'm furious. I seriously took all my strength and prayers not to walk in there and beat the crap out of him.

 

The next day all of the mutual friends got together with me to talk about this. While we were talking another good friend of mine and who also was super close with Nicole (John) said to me "I didn't want to tell you this because I was really ashamed and embarrassed but while we were out together one time Nicole was drinking and started saying to me how it was so cool we were so close and we are so good for eachother and how we should take it to the next level." He said that he played it off that she was just drunk and speaking non sense. He said that all he felt was that they were awesome friends with no feelings for eachother and this weirded him out a little. Then another time they were ot and she was drinking and was like begging him to kiss her. Saying like "lets just try it and see what happens." Then when he said no way, she got all mad and he was even more weirded out but played it off again that she had been drinking. Then it happened a third time he said and she was completely sober. After this they stopped talking. He said he felt so bad and ashamed to tell me and used that she really had feelings for him when he thought they were just friends.

 

I can't believe I dated this person who I obviously didn't really know for 6 years. I shared my life with her and feel ashamed, stupid for not seeing this after almost the exact same thing happened 3 years prior, and embarrassed. I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

 

I can't quote it any better than using a line from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind.

 

"What a loss to spend that much time with someone, only to find out that she's a stranger."

 

Thanks for listening....

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People change, don't forget that. I'm not the person I was 6 years ago and if it wasn't for the people I've been with I wouldn't be the person I am now.

 

No doubt you had a lot of good times together but it definitely sounds like she's not the person you used to know. Move on and you will find someone that deserves you.

 

On the matter of your friend being a bit sneaky (I personally feel friends should come before anything else) that's really up to you. She's possibly doing it to get at you so the best thing you could do would be to shrug it off and say "hey I know about you two, hope you're happy together".

 

Then, make sure you have no contact with your ex as much as is possible.

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Yeah, I am trying to determine what would sting the most....maybe just being like I couldn't care less.....If I show emotion that would mean I care.....If I just don't do anything it might sting her worse knowing that I could gave a rats behind what she does with her life from now on....

 

I have not contacted her aside from sending her the B day present which I wish I didn't do now.

 

I guess I also have to see it that I'm the good guy here and didn't do anything wrong. I was honest and wouldn't do anything like this in a million years.

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The birthday present and how you're feeling is a good indication of the way you'd feel if you contacted her or blew up about it. It just makes you feel emotionally weak and you're selling yourself short.

 

Ignore her and let your friend know that you're happy with him seeing her and don't look back! You sound like you have a lot of good friends though, hang out with them, have fun and I'll bet in a few weeks time you'll be feeling really great about the future.

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On one hand I want to ignore them, but on the other why act like I don't care when I do. Forget my ex for a second....my friend Steve has blatently slapped me in the face.....I really feel that I should confront him and call him out on it.....he has to see that he will have to face consequences for his actions.....I'm not talking about a violent confrontation (well I won't throw the first punch anyway)....but just tell him off and let him know I won't take this lying down.....if I don't do anything doesn't it seem like I'm giving him a free pass to walk all over me??

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Mstamos, there comes a time in life when you need to breath in, act mature, suck it up and walk away! This isn't one of them. Honestly, Im 26 yrs old, so im not some 15 yr old giving you advice. I think you should forget about all of it and move on. BUT, about the friend. That was sneaky! I have a close, very close group of friends that I have known for most of my life. Let me tell you my friend, if one of them got with my ex AND didn't tell me about it.......yeah I would move on, BUT not until I dragged that guy outside his house and beat the hell out of him. Hey man, thats a big thing! Everyone wants to talk about being mature, sh!t, your friend dug his own grave and now he has to "grow up" and accept the consequences! There comes a time when a man needs to walk away, but there comes a time when you need to teach someone a lesson, and there is a time when someone needs to be TAUGHT a lesson! Your "friend" needs to be taught this lesson! He needs to suck it up and take his beating! One of my friends, not a very close one at the time, but still someone I hung out with ended up getting with my ex 2 after we had broke up. Everyone told me to be the grown up and "let it go".....nah. FUC that, I called him up and told him to meet me at a local softball field. I told him I knew what he did, and that he can either meet me there or I take it to his front lawn. I didnt want to go right outside the front of his house, beat him in front of his roomates, but I would of if I had to! He met me at the field and I beat the hell out of him. I do not feel bad about that. He made the decision to do what he did, but what got me the most was that he didnt tell me. He was sneaky about it. I dont know man. It all depends on how much you loved that girl! what ever you think is smart, but do not forgive your friend....thats just too messed up!

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Sunday Morning- I definetly agree with you. Only thing is I don't want to be brought up on assualt charges or anything. I want to just tell him off face to face and let him know that he has slapped me in the face and he is a low life zero nobody coward. I want my words to sting and let him know that I"m not going to just give him a free pass. Obviousy there is no way he will be my friend again. But rather than just never speak to him again he needs to know how much he wronged me and that I won't just be silent about it. And hey, if he decides to throw the first punch them I'm all for "defending myself." At least then I can't be charged with any crime.

 

Only thing is I don't have 100 percent validation that they are an "item" but I know he is trying to weasel his way in since he has been with her non stop since the breakup and stopped speaking to me right after the breakup happened. All my other friends were there for me. He didn't even call to say he was sorry.

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Nice one mstamos, I think Sunday may have taken a bit of a battering himself at some point. You can't go around just beating the hell out of people these days, like you say you might end up getting charges brought against you and who would have come off worse then?

 

Even if you give him a broken arm or something else, it will mend. Tell him you're ok with it but you don't want a friend that behaves like that and cut him out of your life. If he wants to do something about it he will but that will hurt far more.

 

Are there any 15yr olds around to offer some advise?

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It really sounds like your friend is a total loser, but do not go beating him up. That does not solve anything, and I do not agree with sunday. That's just not good advice. Do you want to wind up in jail over some immature girl? Forget that, man. You are better than that low class crap. Here's a true story from my life that will make you feel better!

 

I had my "best" friend start dating a girl I was dating literally days after we broke up. The truth was that he was such a jerk that he called ME to ask for her number. How would that make you feel? He also had the nerve to ask me if it was ok if he went out with her!

 

Know what I did? Even though I was so mad, I gave him her number and I said it was cool. This girl had treated me so badly that I didn't give two shizzes about what she did. I told my buddy he was in for a rough ride and wished him luck. About a month later, he dumped her because he couldn't stand her. We sat down and had a good laugh at her expense many times.

 

In the end, yes, it still irks me that he could be such a jerk, but he got what was coming to him from her. He should have realized that a girl like that wasn't going to suddenly change after treating me like that. We had a good laugh about it, and that was it. It's years later now, and I don't even talk to him much for other reasons. He turned into a very arrogant person, and most people cannot stand him. He's been stuck in a dead relationship with the same girl (another one) for 6 years. He never talks about her, and all he does is hop from strip club to strip club. If you ask him, he says yeah he's in a serious relationship. This girl he's with now is a total waste of time and a complete psycho.

 

It goes to show that what goes around comes around. Don't sweat it bro. You will get a nice girl someday who deserves you!

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I just feel like if I don't confront him about this he will think he can "get away" with it and that I would never call him out on this. I don't want to let myself be walked all over and slapped in the face without letting him know he wronged me face to face.

 

I'd really love to tell her a bunch of stuff to. Like how embarrassed she must feel and how much of a hypocrite she is. I mean do I really have anythign to lose? I have done NC for almost 2 months (aside from the present which I don't really consider contact since I never heard anything back from her) I know we aren't getting back together......I don't want to be friends......what do I have to lose really by breaking NC on this??? I mean unless just saying nothing will be better to show her that I could care less. I dunno what I have to do but something is not letting me have closure on this in my heart.

 

Anymore advice would be GREATLY appreciated.

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I guarantee if you voice how you feel, she will shrug it off an you will feel weak and pathetic. She will not acknowledge she has done you any wrong - just ignore her, and the problem will quickly go away. You know you've won if you can do this because you're having to fight your natural instinct to have a go at her.

 

The last g/f I broke up with (long relationship), I caved in after a long time of no contact and sent her an email saying how much she's hurt me blah blah... she replied with "Nice. Thanks" and that was the last I ever heard from her. I still regret it and feel so pathetic for it, it didn't give me what I was looking for!

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