sasha12 Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 I"m so upset. I took a bus to go and visit my bf were in a LDR and I haven't seen him for a month. The first day I arrived he was happy to see me we had dinner together and had a nice time. The next two days were awful, he stayed on the computer all day and all night and only spoke a few words to me each day. He stayed on the computer all night playing a game and never even went to bed until 8:00am in the morning. At that time I was already awake and was in his living room all alone. The day I left to go back on the bus to go home he got a phone call for a very important appointment. He dropped me off at the bus station early and I sat there for a hour and a half waiting for the bus in a bad part of town. I don't know wheather to call him and tell him hoe awful he made me feel or whether or not to just let it go. Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 I would tell him how you feel. It sounds like the might have an "addiction" to computers too. One telltale sign of a destructive addiction is when it starts to interfere with your SOCIAL life....which clearly occurred in his case when you were over. He hurt your feelings, took you for granted, and he needs to know. If he contunes this behavior/neglect then you might want to ask yourself what benefits you receive by staying in this relationship. Is this a one time thing, or something more common? BellaDonna Link to comment
whatfor Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 that doesnt sound nice. I am not sure about details of your LDR and relationship itself though. I just know when you are in an LDR (i am myself) when partners see each other, they try to spend every minute together and when one has to leave, they cant let go. I dont know what kind of a person your bf is, maybe its normal for him or you two or whatever, but if you feel its wrong, then you should try talking about it. best of luck to you x Link to comment
TheSmilingTurnip Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 Wow that dude's whole life is the computer. Scary scary. You've got to tell him how you feel and go from there. And make sure that you're not too nice about telling him how you feel. A good way to say it might be "I can't be with someone who will treat me like that, so it's that or me." And leave the ball in his court. Good luck sweetie. LDRs are hard. Link to comment
sasha12 Posted August 25, 2005 Author Share Posted August 25, 2005 hello bella donna, thankyou for your reply. it's pretty common for him to stay on the computer. usually he is playing games with his son. he no longer lives with his son and has seen him for a long time. so i try not to get upset with him. i just felt that i hadn't seen him for a month and he was on vacation and i thought we would have alot of time to do things together. I suggested playing cards or going for a walk or watching a movie. But he didn't want to do anything. I don't know if he is really distraught over his son or what? but i kinda felt like i wasn't priority, ya know. Link to comment
lunatic Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 I would tell him how you feel.... Then dump his butt to the curb! You deserve better treatment than that! That dude has some major issues... I mean he had a woman in his place but, he choose to stay on the computer all day and night?!?!?!? Are you sure he is not gay? or not interested in you and the relationship? well those are my observations and thoughts on this issue. Link to comment
sasha12 Posted August 25, 2005 Author Share Posted August 25, 2005 hi hubman i don't know what to think at this point. On my trip down to see him he said he couldn't wait to see me. I got there the first day was great, the next three days i was sitting all by myself with a book in his livingroom. I wish I had an answer fo his behavior! Link to comment
annie24 Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 Yeah, I agree with the others, I don't like how he treated you and kicking him to the curb isn't such a bad idea. Do you two have other issues that are going on? While you were there, did you say something about his behavior? Did you say something like, "so, what are we going to do today? go out, watch a movie, go for a walk?" How did you wind up doing nothing all weekend long? Good luck - I hope things work out for you. Link to comment
lunatic Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 Hi Sasha12! Well I would confront him about how he treated you. If he seems genuine and sympathic I dont know I guess you think about that then. Personally if he does not seem to interested in this issue or he blows off your feelings. I would kick this boob to the curb because he is not worth your time. I hope this helps! Hub Link to comment
Meow18 Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 Don't just let it go. These are your feelings and if he doesn't know that he made you feel that way, then nothing could come from that. Of course, it seems obvious that you would feel hurt by the way he basically ignored you while you were visiting, but sometimes some people just don't get it until you tell them what they did. It's very rude of him to have you over and not even do anything with you. You weren't only a guest, but you are his girlfriend. He should treat you like it. In my opinion he just took you for granted. I'm sure you didn't leave feeling wanted or as loved as you should. Tell him that. Maybe there was more to his actions, maybe he's having troubles. But even if he had reasons for ignoring you, he should at least try to understand your feelings too. If he gets mad or doesn't seem to care, then that's just a sign that he doesn't care about you. If that's the case then you need to realize that you deserve better.. and from what you said, I think you do.. there's really no excuse for ignoring you for the computer. But when there's a problem, you need to be open and honest about it. Link to comment
TheSmilingTurnip Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 hi hubman i don't know what to think at this point. On my trip down to see him he said he couldn't wait to see me. I got there the first day was great, the next three days i was sitting all by myself with a book in his livingroom. I wish I had an answer fo his behavior! The answer is that you are not a priority to this person. Do not find ways to excuse his behavior. He abused you, ignored you, allowed you to spend your time and money to come there, and then devalued you and your efforts to spend time with him by ignoring you. Do not feel sorry for that! Whether his son is not around or not, that's no excuse to ignore your presense. You had to arrange travel and whatnot to come there, right? He knew you were coming; why didn't he inform his son? Or why didn't he tell his son he was going to have company that weekend and wouldn't be able to spend all that time on the computer? It was his responsibility to arrange his life so that he could have you as his guest and treat you appropriately while you were there; it is not your responsibility to make sure he spends time with his son. If he didn't have time to spend with you, it was his job to say so, not allow you to go to all that trouble and then ignore you. Be honest with this person; if he loves you, then you two will be able to work through this. But my guess is that you have a gnawing feeling in your gut that something just isn't right here, and guess what? You're entirely correct. Link to comment
sasha12 Posted August 25, 2005 Author Share Posted August 25, 2005 annie, I asked him a few times if he felt like going out and doing something and he responded with " nah" we use to live together and we broke up on mutual terms. it's very common for him to sit around on the computer and do nothing else. that's all he does when i'm not at his place. that's how he spends his weekends. were working on geting back together but i'm really close to given up because i'm more free spirited i like the outdoors i like to have fun. i care about him but i don't think i want a guy that spends his life on the computer. I don't think he even see"s his self as being inconsiderate. I think this might be his norm. Link to comment
annie24 Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 Geeezzz.. if this is how boring he is in his 30s, imagine what life would be like with him in his 50s and 60s... You're right - if you're a more energetic person than he is (and it seems like a carrot is more energetic), maybe you two really aren't a good fit for each other... Link to comment
djedix Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 What game is he playing, maybe i can hunt him down and player kill him for you Honestly thou, I do play computer games too, But seriously if like a girl asks me to do something, Espcially if it's my g/f... i usally 99% of the time pick real life... Seems like he really doesnt care about the relationship, if there is one. Link to comment
Mun Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 were working on geting back together ..... It sounds to me like you are doing all the work. Has he ever been like this to you before.. or taken you for granted? If so then this might just be his norm--towards you. I say tell him how he made you feel then tell him he will have to put more effort here. If he doesn't and you don't want to be second to the computer, or whatever else is going on in his life, then you will know it's time to walk out for good. By the way, why didn't HE come to visit you? Are you usually the one pulling the weight in the relationship? Just wondering.... Link to comment
sasha12 Posted August 25, 2005 Author Share Posted August 25, 2005 LOL djedix he plays Guild Wars it must be a pretty awesome game because that's what he spends his life playing... muneca, to answer some of your questions: usually he comes to see me, we have been separated for three months and this is only the second time i have gone to see him. when he comes up to see me we have a blast! and he does do alot for me. we never fight or argue we use to have alot of fun together. but when we moved in together he did spend most of the time on the computer. I could understand him hiding behind the computer if i would nag at him and stuff. but i don't i'm pretty easy to get along with. Link to comment
djedix Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 ew guild wars...... WoW is where it's at! LEEEEEEEEEROYYYYYYYYYYY Link to comment
sniggle Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 Sometimes joining in and playing games with the gaming addict can be fun, unless you're a bit competitive like me, and realise you can't win against someone who's spent years playing and always has to win! Link to comment
DN Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 Sounds to me like you two are not compatible and that he is rude and inconsiderate. Have to agree - the curb seems like a natural place for him. Link to comment
Veneza127 Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 And you had not seen him in a month??! Some relationships tend to lose the essense of love and I think this is one of them. This is something too serious to just let it go. If you didn't like it, you definitely should let him know because if you don't.. it WILL happen again. I really don't guarantee that if you talk to him the situation will change but at least you tried. Also, it would have been a good idea to join him for a little while. Maybe if he would have seen that you were interested in spending some time with him no matter what he was doing, he would have joined you in doing something you like and you both would have ended up having a great time together. BUT... To be honest.. hockey boy is right. Get rid of him and find somebody who really cares about you and your well-being. Link to comment
7CardStud Posted September 2, 2005 Share Posted September 2, 2005 its gonna sound pretty silly when i say this... but he IS addicted to his computer... Some games actually are addicting, just like how people can be addicted to porn, people can be addicted to games too... TRUST ME I WAS ONE OF THEM haha I would point it out how it made u feel... If he doesn't know why it made u so upset... then I would think hard about where this LDR is going. Link to comment
proditor Posted September 4, 2005 Share Posted September 4, 2005 i would be really offended if i were you, but if you really think he is worth it, you should really talk to him about it. i mean, he took the effort to focus on you that first night you were back, and it sounded really sweet its possible he just has a computer problem, like an addiction or something, or maybe the game he was playing is one of those really really hard games to put away, like you don't even know how much time you spend on it until you look at the time and say "woah, it's 3 AM..." i know, cause i know so many people who live on their computer, and so anytime they spend with you is extra special. but just tell him how you feel, and if he really is worth it, he won't blow it off or excuse it away, he really owes an explanation or an apology sara Link to comment
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