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frankly how long does it take?

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hey guys, whats goin on?


i have to ask, seriously...how long does it take to find someone whose "right" for you? i guess this is supposed to be a hard time in my life, at 17 going into senior year but for the life of me i cannot find a single girl who'll stick with me and i'm at a loss, weather its my fault, or just not the right girl yet.


I dont think i'm any different than anyone else really and most people consider me a nice guy, but the longest relationship i've had has been about a month, i know that at this stage in life i'm not marrying anyone but when i've seen my friends with their girlfriends for a year or two or even three i start to wonder whats missing? I was chillin with my friend last night, and i was sittin there just listenin to music and fiddlin with my computer that i've tried 8 times now all under different circumstances and nothings worked out... i mean i've tried to find a girlfriend, i've sat and done nothing letting them try to find me and no matter who makes the first move it always seems to fail somehow


the most recent failure was of course, yesterday which i can explain later i guess if anyones interested, but the net effect of all this is like picking a scab and opening a wound over and over again (sry for the gross imagery). i'm not lookin for perfection here, just a genuine personality and a bit of a caring attitude. so help a guy out here, is there still hope? am i just doin somethin wrong?


ahh bein a teenager i guess?


-- Darknova

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how long does it take to find someone whose "right" for you?


I think this will differ for everyone. There's no definitive answer. From what I've seen in life these are 3 major things that can DELAY finding the right one:


*Not loving yourself/low self-confidence- you're not going to get the "right one" to love you, if YOU don't even love you


*Wasting time with people that are clearly the wrong ones. Many people will put up with being treated badly, or don't give themselves the chance to be truly happy. This can relate back to the whole self-esteem issue previosly mentioned.




I tend to think if you are comfortable and confident with yourself, know what you want in a partner, don't settle for less out of fear, and have a postive attitude about life in general, you will meet the right one more quickly.



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It's ok bud, I'm 24, and i've dated 5 girls this year so far....


obviously 4 didn't work out, just gotta keep on truck'n


You got alot of time ahead of you... I'd focus on you, education/career wise more importantly then ever at your age. Figure ouy what you wana do, and then go for it... cuz love will always come and go when it's suppose to... don't wait around for it, and dont make it the focus of your life... to find that 'one'

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heh i'm from NJ too


i suppose you guys are all right, i have had some low confidence but it doenst last long, i usually believe in myself most of the time, but not at moments like theese, i suppose its normal to feel a bit sad/down after a bad experience but anyway thanks for the answers guys, i guess i'm just gunna have to keep tryin!


-- Darknova

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It's also a matter of chance. When we're not looking, that's when love finds us. Even if we're in our depressed moods, and all of a sudden, a person comes by and just cheers us up, and gets into our lives, we can still fall in love, and that relationship could last a long time.


I have an older friend who looks like Bridget Wilson. She's always had a lack of self-esteem about her appearance, but her relationship is still going on strong---> close to 18 years! In fact, her partner loves her for all that she is, although her self-esteem isn't always up to par. His love for her is strong enough that it nurtures her to feel confident and reassured.


I also agree with what all of the above posters mentioned. It does help to more confident. When a guy lacks confidence, sometimes, it's really hard to understand him (at least based on my experience), because he tends to get possessive, which isn't good (not especially in the beginning of a relationship).


Is this what happened to yours? You don't sound like that type who gets overly jealous, so that's good. Just remember though, whoever you meet, it's best to just always be yourself. And if the girl loves you for you, then great. No need for mack lines or anything. Just be yourself and you will meet the right person. Also, if you're just not "feeling it" for a girl, don't settle for less, because in the end, the relationship won't work out. Trust me. Hope this helps!

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hey billyjean,


thanks for the answer! I dont usually get too jelous, i usually trust the people i'm goin out with, i dont end up paranoid and call em every 15 minutes but i know what you mean, i've got a couple friends who got like that and it wasnt good.


i guess i'll keep an open mind and see what happens, although it is harder to meet girls becuase of the school i go to... private, all boys



-- Darknova

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There is no length of time, the right one comes along when she comes along. You are only 17. At 17 I hadn't had any experience or any girl interested in me. I had nothing at all until this year at 22. And I still can't honestly say I've dated a girl yet or had a relationship. But I have had girls interested in me. And I have spent time with someone really special. She may be the right one, she may not. But I'm not worried. When it happens, it will happen and it will be right. It will be more then worth all the wait.

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