about to self destruct

[latenitecarcrash]

I just feel like total crap right now and I need a place to talk and vent. It seems like my entire life has been a complete waste of time. Just when I think things in my life are starting to look up, everything that I look forward to is taken away. I'm always depressed. People always come up to me and say, "why do you look so sad for?" and I just pause for a moment not knowing where to begin, but I always end up telling them, "I'm fine" just so I won't be hastled. And it's true I have a permenant frown on my face, even when I seem to be happy it's there. I don't have any friends to talk to. When I try to make new ones I scare them away or they move or something. I've always been so alone in this world, thinking there's got to be someone here I can talk to. But there's not. Just myself and I'm going crazy. What's wrong with me? I have no purpose in life. If things don't change I don't want to be here. Words can't even described what I feel inside right now. I'd rather die than feel this way.

[questionmark]

i'll be ur friend

[Borashi]

I can't comprehend how you feel cause I don't know what you went through, but life is hard. Everyone has there ups and downs, and quite possibly you've had more downs than ups, but don't give up. If you don't have a purpose in life, you can always find one, just pick and choose a purpose. I know that sounds crazy, but I used to go along in life at an idle pace, I never was happy, I always hung out with the wrong people, I didn't listen to my heart and what I wanted to do, I always ran away from my problems just like my parents but then one day I came to a realization that I have to take care myself, that the world is cold and harsh at times, but that makes it ever the more real, and the more adversity I face the stronger I become. Don't be afraid to blaze your own path in life, if you have no one to talk to at least write your feelings down or come here, it always feels better after you release whatever negative emotion your feeling.

[Tigris]

The way I cope is to think of something I'd like to do.

 

Example - arrange to meet a friend to go shopping for the day in a town or city I don't usually go to. Or a day trip to the seaside. Or save up to go away for the weekend with friends to have some fun.

 

I'm sure there are things you'd like to do.

 

Maybe it's friendship, or confidence building, or a shoulder to cry on that you need?

 

If you wish to talk to me then just PM me and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. I'm on MSN but I only give that information out when I get to know people better!

 

I'm looking forward to hearing your reply.

 

Take care of yourself.

[Fantasy_]

latenitecarcrash, you should get out there and meet new people, if u give them a chance and let them see who you really are u will develop new friendships, im sure you dont scare people away!!!

Maybe you should talk to some1 about the way you feel, someone you consider to be close like your parents or a relative or even on enotalone.

Stay positve and dont give up on hopes and dreams

[anonymous_presence]

Everyone has their moments of utter crap - it's simply inevitable. It's a part of life, and it makes the good moments all the sweeter. But, from what I gather from your post, you seem to have made it impossible for you to come out of this state of crappiness. It's important that you don't shut yourself out from the world or keep inflicting this harm, and though it always seems tempting to give up, don't, because there will always be a future to look forward (but only if you don't succumb to the pressures of the present). Don't say, "I'm always depressed." Give a reason for it. "I'm depressed because whatever reason" allows for some sort of change to ensue, but just stating that you're depressed makes you feel hopeless (and makes it harder to give advice ).

About the friends issue: yeah, it's hard to make and keep lasting, meaningful and satisfying relationships. You're not alone in your loneliness, trust me, and the people that look like they have it all probably don't, and they just put a smile on their faces and mutter, "Yeah, I'm fine," like you do. People fail to recognize other people's loneliness, just as people fail to recognize yours (or they do recognize it and just don't know what to do about it). That said, don't feel discouraged thinking that you're utterly alone in this or that there's something wrong with you. Don't get to thinking that there's no one out there for you to talk to, because surely, if you look hard enough, there is someone there who you have something in common with.

You have to remember that you're not alone in this: you're not the only in this situation, and you're not the only one who felt like there was something wrong with them because they can't seem to find friends. By getting into that cycle of thinking, you're just driving yourself deeper into this hole. Wondering why this has befallen you is a bit like wondering why some people get cancer: it's really not your fault. There's always someone out there for someone, no matter what, and you can't lay the blame on yourself if you feel like you have no friends.

I know it's cliche to say this, but try and make friends, keep in touch with the ones that move away, and just make yourself open and accessible to people (that means smiling a bit). One of the best pieces of advice I can give you is don't maintain a cautious heart and withhold yourself from a friendship; otherwise you're just depriving yourself of what can be an even more meaningful friendship. That's what I do too often: I distance myself and find myself in the midst of a bunch of half-hearted relationships (acquaintances more like). Of course, don't throw yourself out there either; keep a watchful eye, but always give (and you'll get in return).

As for finding purpose in your life, there really isn't any universal purpose that humans must fulfilll; thereforeeee I can't exactly tell you what you should be looking for or trying to achieve. That's entirely up to you. Just seek things that make you happy, and don't get to thinking that you don't have any purpose, that you're worthless or anything like that, because it's not true. Everyone has potential; you just have to utilize it to your liking. If you're ever feeling dangerous when contemplating suicide, think about your family and friends and the poeple that care for you and find strength in your relationships with them. It's hard to think positively in a moment of weakness, but you're strong enough to do so. If you can withstand all that you've experienced thus far, you can make it through much more.