So.....when's the date?

[itsmenicole]

Ok, I will try to make this short. I have been with my boyfriend for just over a year. We have been saying things like "when we get married....." for several months now. He lives 90 miles away and is trying to find a job where I live. He had this "plan". He wanted to get rid of most of his debt, move and then we could get married. Well most of his debt is gone and he should be moving soon (he has an interview this week). Anyway, today, since we don't really talk about it much I asked him when he thought we'd get married. (we are not engaged yet). And he said "I was thinking Marchish". I'm like WHAT? That is 6 months away. I feel deeply disappointed and frustrated now. I don't want to rush into anything and I don't want him feeling pressured but I can't figure out why we've talked about it as much as we have and as close as we are and he's putting 6 more months on it. I appreciate any advice or pep talk that anyone can give. Thanks!

[Hope75]

Is he saying get engaged in March or get married in March? Most people I know need 8 months to a year to plan a wedding, and even then they are crazy busy. 6 months is not that much time to wait, it seems you are being unreasonable.

 

What's your hurry? It seems he loves you, has a plan and is putting it into action. You have been together just a year and these days that's not very long to be talking marriage and going for it right away (unless you are Britney Spears ).

 

I say relax, enjoy him, and be patient. He has a goal in mind, he's working towards it, you haven't been together all that long, and he obviously is serious about being with you forever.

 

Pushing for marriage tends to have the oppposite effect of what we want anyway. No one wants to fee pressured to get married.

 

Consider yourself lucky.

[itsmenicole]

See....that's the thing. I don't know if he plans on proposing before or if he's thinking March. It's not like I can ask him. LOL But we've also discussed how ludicrus it is to have a long engagement. We won't need any time to plan a wedding either. This will be my second and he does not want a wedding. We have talked about it being just us somewhere on a beach. Maybe on a cruise or soemthing. I don't feel like I am rushing anything. We were friends for awhile before we considered ourselves dating. I admire him wanting to do it right and I would never want to pressure him into something he isn't ready for. I guess I don't even really know why I posted.....

[RayKay]

I think 6 months is a reasonable time to plan for marriage, if you want a larger wedding (or any size wedding) you NEED 6 months, or you may have a hard time getting the venues you want, the people organized and so on. I plan on eloping just to avoid all those facts personally Once you start planning...6 months might not be enough time!

 

I really don't think you should "push" him on this issue, it may work in your disfavour. If he has a plan, and is working towards it, why pressure it? It will have the opposite effect, have him wondering if you are wanting him for HIM, or just to be married and have a husband and a ring (make sense?).

 

Yes, you do have the right to know where the relationship is heading and see some action on that, but marriage is something BOTH should be ready for and not feel pressured into doing. It sounds like he is DEFINITELY making actions to move and you have talked about it, he wants to move forward, and work towards it, what is the big deal really?

 

It sounds like he is moving towards what you both want... I think wait until the proposal, then worry about dates and planning.

[DN]

Perhaps you are subconsciously worried because he didn't give you a whole-hearted commitment.

 

If he actually proposed and removed any uncertainty about if he is going to marry you rather than when he is going to marry you - would that make a difference?

[annie24]

I wouldn't really pressure him. Who knows - maybe he'd just like to ask you to marry him in his own romantic way and having you ask "when when when?" is putting a damper on things for him.

 

Relax and enjoy your time with him. Like RayKay said, I think a lot of men feel like women want a husband and a ring, not necessarily the guy himself.

 

As long as things are moving in the right direction (ie, he's trying to get a job in your area), don't stress too much. Or, at least, try not to