I don't know what to do :(

[bigred3]

My girlfirend of 6 years broke up with me a little over 2 months ago. In this time we had to go on a trip together(we had been broken up for about 2 weeks and the trip was booked since april so we had to go...) anyways i handled the trip very well and mature and so did she. Anyways when i got home i decided it was my best interest to kind of stay away from here and see if maybe me not being around would make her feel like she missed me....

 

Anyways the funny thing about the break-up was that nobody was really mad at the other person, although i do not agree with it , i for one will never call her names or think down on her for what she has done.

 

We recently began talking abit more again online, nothing about our relationship just normal conversation, i decided that i would ask her to a movie.... so she said sure she would like to go to a movie with me she said if there is one thing i miss right now it's doing stuff with you... and she says she would still be in phone communcation with me if she thought that i could handle it, she said she wanted to give me time cause she knows how much she hurt me.

 

anyways the movie went really well we wehre just ourselves like if we had of been still going out, joking with each other etc..., after the movie we where gonna meet some mutual mates of ours to play some pool. on the way there she asked me "do you agree with me that it was a good decision to break up?" and i replied back "honest no i don't think it was, but i can't change your feelings..." , we kind of got off topic after that... later on as we where driving she asked me if there was "any good looking girls in my university classes" and i said "well i guess i haven't really noticed to be honest" and she said to me "so you haven't met anyone since the break up" and i said "no, noone speical" and she said "that is the same as me i haven't met anyone since the break up" then she goes onto say "I thnk you'll find a girl this year" ....... before i got to asking her why she thought her cellphone rang and we got off of topic again.......... anyways when we where out playing pool it was again like everything seemed right, we just have great times together when we are out etc... when we where leaving with our mates she says to me "it's been a swell time tonight i must say, maybe we can do this every so often..." , i kind of nodded but never said yes mainly because i dont wannt commit myself to my ex for doing stuff if we are not gonna get back together.....

 

She told me that for now she is happy being single, it's not that she wants to see other people it's the fact that we have been together so long it almost feels like she has forgotten what it feels like ( we wehre 16 and 17, when we got together)........ she also believes that we have become friends more then anything, but my thinking on that is of course we are gonna become very close friends we have been going out for 6 years, i thought a relationship turns into your best friend? that is something i dont' understand. She also says to me you have done nothing wrong to me ever in our time together and i will always have high prasies for you as a boyfriend and a friend etc.... any girl that would get you , would be so lucky. But how is that possible if im so great, then why couldn't i keep my gf of 6 years

 

anyways for me personally it's not about meeting new people it' not about having one night stands or getitng involved in meaningless relatioships which you know aren't gonna last. A few weeks before we broke up we still had the same dreams and goals in life be finished school in 2 years, both wanted marriage and a big family even had boys and girls names picked out that we liked if and when we where gonna have children....

 

I mean i honestly don't know what to do.. im far from the point of sucidial or thinking life is not worth living, but i truly feel a part of me has died since we hae been broken up, and i now deep down that she cares for me because wether she wants to believe it or not i could see it in her eyes last night when we at theaters and playing pool she remembered what we had, but at this point is too "stubborn or hard headed" to admit it.

 

I'm not even sure what im lookig for you guys to write back to me and say, if anything writing things out like this helps somewhat ease the pain as i try and stay postive. (as i write this tho i have to admit tears stream down my face)

 

thanks for taking the time to listen to this i really appericate it.

[atomic]

I've only ever broken up with girls in a similar manner to you, no shouting, no arguments and always the few months that follow there is a closeness that always feels comfortable and like when we were together. Generally speaking I've decided that it's time for myself to move on, spending less and less time with them until it gets to the point where I don't see them at all.

 

A part of you has no doubt died, but a new one will be born with someone else and it will be just as good or better. There is no shortage of women out there looking for a decent bloke!

[bigred3]

i hear you mate, this break up came out of the blue for me i thought everything was going okay..... it really puts a damper on your self confidence, i really never thought that breaking up was ever gonna be this hard, the pain you feel, i don't think can ever be duplicated.

[Boricua7]

OMG I know exactly what you're going through! Granted, I haven't been dating my boyfriend nearly as long as you had your girlfriend (we're both 18 and have been dating 10 months) but I feel your pain. Right now my boyfriend and I are "taking a break". His reasoning is similar to your ex. He doesn't want to be with other people but he feels he can't handle the responsibilities that come with being in a relationship. We both just got to college and our universities are 45 minutes away from eachother. He told me he hates upsetting me when he can't or doesn't call and hearing the sadness in my voice when we can't see eachother. He also said that he had a lot of goals he set for himself a long time ago and doesn't want to have to put off time in working at them to be with me. I honestly feel that he wouldn't be "taking a break" if we had talked face-to-face (he called me instead) because I know he loves me (if you'd like to read my posts and help me out I'd really really really appreciate your advice/input).

 

ANYWAY,

she also believes that we have become friends more then anything, but my thinking on that is of course we are gonna become very close friends we have been going out for 6 years, i thought a relationship turns into your best friend?

 

My boyfriend said the same thing to me on the phone! He told me he was confused about how he felt for me. Maybe your girlfriend is just as confused. I agree with you, when you're with someone for a long time you will undoubtedly become very close friends. Because you let them into your heart they're the ones who know the most about you so it's natural to feel like they are also your friend.

 

i truly feel a part of me has died since we have been broken up, and i now deep down that she cares for me whether she wants to believe it or not.....but at this point is too "stubborn or hard headed" to admit it.

 

I know how it is to feel like you've lost someone so important to you. You feel as though there is a void in your life now? Like even though you know life is worth living you hate the thought of living it without this person by your side. My boyfriend is just as stubborn and hard headed as your girlfriend and I guess all you can do (I'm trying it to) is to be the friend they need you to be no matter how much it sucks. Let them see what they're missing and let them miss what they had. Sooner or later your girlfriend will come around. It seems to be she's afraid of something. Maybe you should bring this up and talk to her about it.

 

Look, it seems that by her contacting you again and wanting to hang out with you she's making it very clear to you that she does miss you. She may want you back but not be sure of what to do since she knows she hurt you. She's probably doubting whether you'd take her back even though you've told her you hadn't seen any other girls and weren't even paying attention to other girls as well as telling her straight up that you don't agree with the fact that you guys broke up in the first place. Like I said before, be there for her. Show her that no matter what you will always be there for her and love her.

 

I know I'm young but please don't ignore my advice because of it. I am in no way naive or stupid. I hope my advice does help you.

[bigred3]

no i understand completley where you are coming form boricua, all my mates tell me to "f*&^ her" and "she's stupid for breaking up with you" but I don't think they understand, i know her aswell as anybody else in this life and i know right now for some reason she is going through something i can't help her with. As i said before i was never ever ever angry at her for the breakup and will never ever hate her for what has happpened.

 

We are also not the people just to become sex buddies i know both of us respect each other way more then that. And for her to accept my invation to the movies made me very happy not because i thought i could wooo her or change her mind in one night but the fact that i know she still wants to have me in her life(as friend right now...) is defintely something i can take a postive from.

 

I know i keep repeating this and it's not because im blind only to love right now, but i can see it in her eyes and the way she looks at me that there is still something there for me. you jsut don't go from something to nothing in the matter of days.... espically where both of us respected each otehr trust each other and nobody had cheated on each other etc........

 

so i will defintely contiunie to be her friend as much as i can but i also know that i can only do some much with her... and that i must also look out for myself, but she is also not a selfish person and she would never take advanate of me for her own personal development..... lol i think that is why i love her so much she is so kind and caring

 

thanks for words boricua and best of luck with you aswell

[Boricua7]

Thanks for respecting my words! Most people disregard what I say just because I'm young so they assume I'm naive. I'm glad to hear that you are friends. It's hard but it's worth it. It's pretty much all you can do right now. The reason she's doubting the relationship is because she feels like there's pressure on her to uphold certain responsibilities. Being her friend shows her that you want to be in her life and you are in now way trying to pressure her. My boyfriend (we got back together) said he felt that I had expectations of him that he couldn't live up to. By being his friend and kind of moving on I made him miss me. He said that he tried to forget me but couldn't stop missing me and that's when it finally hit him that he couldn't be without me. We plan on getting married after college now if we still love eachother as much as we do now (or more). Let us know how things are going with you. I hope everything is working out!