6 years relationship- and 5 months later its so hard

[babykiten2]

after 6 years we broke up 5 months ago, in april this year.

 

The guy i loved was special, and kind and always cared so much about my feelings the usual, and more...very intense passionate relationship.

 

Its been a long road, and he said since i met soemone during our break up 1.5 years ago, he mentioned things werent the same, and despite wanting to get back, he left for london and got anew job. we Decided to have a LDR and after a year, i followed him- and moved here this spring.

 

I noticed, despite the promises that things would be different- they werent. W e lived with his best friend, and he changed so much, began to become less affectionate, look at porn and lie behind my back, take other girls emails and phone numbers, and that they were all 'froemds'? call me pessimisitic, but he wanted out. He started to smoke hash a couple of times a week when id get home hes skin up, and despite being almost 30, he still took e's and just wanted to live like a party person and go out all the time. it seemed he NEVER had any time for me, despite his protests. The crunch for me was when he came back from Prague - a stag weekend with a polish girls email, which he promptly lied about. It made me into an insecure wreck- so i became so untrusting checking his phone, emails and invading his provacy which was horrible and no way to live. I also became aggressive and hated living with his stupid lies. I really though that after 6 years wed have our own place and he wouldnt be carrying on the way he was.

 

Since March has been so hard, i was so depressed, almost seeking medical care- i packed up my bags and left without so much as a goodbye. He was shocked, but he must have known it was coming. He asked me 'why did i leave like that'? he had made attempts to solve stuff, but i hated him at that stage. It was the hardest thing in my life, in a new country with not many friends, hardly any money when i lieft, i was forced to stay with a friend for 2 months before i could even address getting myown place- and what hurt more was that he didnt comedown to visit, he texted saying he still loved me and asked me to come home a few times, but that wasnt an option to continue living the way we had been. I felt he needed to straigthen himself out and grow up. Since he moved to london, he has become even worse selfish and just wants to be outy having fun- i think he is pissed off that he hasnt achieved what his friends have back home (hes prob the 2nd last one not to be married or committed and have a home etc- although he says he doesnt acare, i think he does). During those few months, he asked me to come on holiday to sort it out twice, i refused. I felt it might of helped but there was deeper issues.

 

During the past 5 months, i was a wreck, only moved into my new place 2 months ago, and have made some friends but it has been so tough & lonely. Lately he has been friendly and we have slept togther 2wice over that period. He visited me last week in my flat and he cried and when he left he said'he didnt deserve me'. I think he feels like a broken man, all the signs are there- like he just isnt happy. He told me wed never get back together when i annoyed him so much one day last week, but he said later that 'hed love the possibility of us maybe getting back together in future'.

 

Can anybody shed some light on what the hell happened here. i am getting better, but im a mix of bitterness and anger and hate and then love. and when i contact him it starts nice and then i tell him what a basta*d he has been to neglect me and hirt me this way. I need all opinions, i did leave him but i had no chpice at that point. I went to spain last weekend and kissed 3 guys and told him, he got angry and ignored it and now hes changed jobs so i havent asked for his new email or phone number, i said i think its best. Im going to counselling this week. Im still not over this. Any perspective (from both sides) would be appreciated.

 

Thanks for listening

 

XXXB

[Reilly2856]

I think there are a lot of issues that need to resolved between you two. It seems as if you cannot let go of the past, nor can you accept what he has become. Why do you allow him back into your life then?

 

You've slept with him twice, but has he changed at all? Has he become more responsible...made a commitment to you? Clearly, he needs to resolve some things in his life. You can choose to help him through it, but if that is what you decide to do, then you need to first get past this resentment and anger you feel towards him. Otherwise, you will continue to get into fights. If you feel you cannot handle this anymore, then walk away. This is his life and he needs to figure this out. IF he's down about all the things his friends have back home (marriage, own house..etc>) then he needs to motivate himself to obtain those things that he holds important. Being jealous isnt' going to help him.

 

I would suggest you keep your distance from this guy, who is probably just using you. Let him figure things out, and maybe later when he can finally commit and devote time for this relationship, you two can get back together. As it stands, it doesn't look like either of you are happy with each other.

[TiredMan]

I'm going through a breakup after almost 8 years. I'm still holding on to the fact that I pray it works out because she just got fed up with my emotional problems, reactions, and negativity due to how I was raised. But the love and caring is still strong. But it's like I can't do anything right at this point.

 

My heart feels like I am dying 100 times every day whether we speak or not because we had this thing where we were so bonded.

 

I think once you guys started seeing other people, it became doomed. I'm glad about your going to counseling. I am in it right now but it's such a slow process.

[shazzy]

your story is so similar to mine, except we came here together to achieve our goals..

 

Gosh what is it about coming to London that seems to change people so much....is it the lifestyle here, the apparent lack of simple compassion, the fast paced life? it seems "cheating", one-nighters etc are the " cool -in things" to do here ...or am i wrong ???