Those unchained relapses have returned. I just need to write

[dstanzler]

6.5 months of no contact and life was getting well again. I had focus and ambition again and my brother was spending the week at my apartment because my parents were going on vacation. My cat became more affectionate and I had some rather flattering moments with a few girls and callers on-air (I dj).

 

But then my brother left today.

 

And I was walking down the street when an old feeling seemed to resurface. That feeling of her presense right upon my chest. So I let wash over me. Afterwards I began to think of my ex. Stupid things like her random outbursts... she has (a turrets induced) depression... bad rumors... I got over them fast. I went home to work on my blues playing. Restrung the guitar and I just became exhausted from playing for 3 hours. So I napped and played some old x486 crpgs (my secret nerd passion) and I pet the cat. I napped and when I awoke

 

LONELINESS.

 

A weird day that I had to write about. And I'm just looking for some middle ground... and to reach my goals. I have a therapist so I'll discuss it with her too. I don't really care to talk about it with friends-- it may come off as desperate when I'm in complete control of myself.

 

One of these days it will all make sense. I'm going to go put on some vinyl probably some classic heartbreak vinyl ie The Wall or Pros and Cons.

 

Sigh. The innerturmoil and struggle come and go. I hope they cease soon.

 

Love,

Dave

[Reilly2856]

Happens to the best of us. Just hang in there. 6 months is a big deal, most people break down after a few days.

[fmfisdead]

Hey man, It seems like your going through a pretty rough situation, but I'll tell you what, It seems like your handling it beautifully. Loneliness is one of those things that ALWAYS seems to creep up on you when your alone. Its a feeling that comes and goes and it always sucks when its there because it makes you think about what you had and what you wish you had right now. It seems like your strong and I know you can last through these bouts of loneliness. One thing I always say and I still stick by now is that Loneliness is better than a broken heart. A broken heart is horrible and so is loneliness, but at the end of the day, being lonely is far better (in my opinion) than having that gut wrenching feeling of a broken heart. Your on the road to recovery and in time, I know you will find love again, and when you do, you will take everything you learned this time and apply it to a new and fruitful relationship. Let us know how everything goes.

[sidehop]

You should be proud of yourself for doing NC for 6 months!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's amazing. And it will just make you a stronger person in the long run. There's always better things and it's only up to you to grab that opportunity when the right time comes Hang in there!

[dstanzler]

Thank you two for your comments.

 

Love,

Dave

[yo]

Hey man!

I am really proud of you. 6 months of NC WOW! I am on the second week of my NC and have already had so many relapses! I know just how you feel. I feel so lonely and miserable most of the times, especially when I am alone. When I was with my Ex I could just pick up the fone and call her up whenever....I feel so bad thinking that I had so much and now sudedenly I have nothing...

[dstanzler]

I know. I just miss the ex so much. I still love her and am generally over the whole break up.

 

But I just want to speak to her so badly. And loneliness is so disheartening. I wish you all the best.

 

Love,

Dave

[yo]

Hey dstanzler,

 

I checked up the links. The first one is soooo TRUE! I did all the things that were mentioned in the post! As long as I am with people I feel good. But, as soon as I am alone, I feel so lonely. But, I cannot be with people all the time right. So, I don't know how to keep myself happy when I'm alone apart from watching a lot of TV and sleeping.