Gf has ruined our 'perfect week'

[SadHatter]

Hi guys,

 

I feel so frustrated at the moment and wound up, I just have to type this or I literally feel like I am going to do something stupid like punch a hole in my door or pull my hair out and I never feel like this!

 

I've been in a six-month relationship with a girl and this week my parents have gone away on holiday for the week so I asked this girl if she'd like to spend the week with me at my parents house. She agreed and I was really excited. She booked the four days off work (they're away from today until Saturday) and everything was set. I have a university dissertation to be handed in on the 30th so I've been working like mad the last few weeks to get it finished now so that I wouldn't have to worry about it when she came and we could spend as much time together as possible.

 

Anyway, Saturday night we spoke and she was drunk and said that she felt things hadn't been as good recently. I said that's because I've been spending a lot of time doing my dissertation so that we can spend time together now. I can't just throw my university out of the window – this dissertation is the last part of me completing my course! Anyway, I said I'd noticed we had drifted apart slightly recently but I put it down to the face of the dissertation and I still love her and it'll be fine, especially after this week. She proceeded to go mad, shouting at me saying "Oh so you don't love me then, you think we're drifting apart? Well then you can *edit* off!!" I was shocked, well slightly shocked – she always has a tendency to fly off the handle, something that has caused a lot of problems in our relationship.

 

Anyway, she said to me yesterday – I'll come around your house tomorrow (Tuesday) as mates and maybe for sex if I can be bothered!!! I said no we won't have sex, you're not using me like that!! She then proceeded to tell me how she went to an Ann Summers party on Sunday night and bought a Playboy rabbit outfit and some handcuffs etc. and she was going to enjoy using them with anyone else but me!!

 

Last night she text me and said she might come round today etc. but couldn't any other day this week as she now has plans to go out to parties Wednesday and Thursday night and I said well I will speak to you later because I am going out now with my mates down the pub, cya. Again, she went mad – who are you going with, where etc. There better not be girls there etc. etc. Anyway, today she text me saying I can *edit* off for good and she doesn't need me even for sex – she'll get it from someone else - and she doesn't ever want to talk to me or see me again and if I contact her she'll get my number blocked! So now I am sitting here on my own on what was supposed to be a perfect week feeling really, really fed up, frustrated and hurt.

[OceanEyes]

She's being really unfair and cruel, and you are right to be pissed.

 

One thing I can say, is that she wouldn't "fly off the handle" if she didn't really care. However, saying things like "I'll get sex somewhere else" is just flat-out immature and spiteful. She sounds like she needs to mature a little bit and be more aware of herself.

 

I've been in a similar situation and can relate to what your girlfriend might be feeling right now. For the past year, my boyfriend has been so busy with school, work, an internship, and now starting a company, that he's had very little time for anything, let alone me. I knew that going in, and have accepted and supported that, but not without some serious problems. I've had to sacrafice many of the things I was used to getting from him, but because I love him, I did and will continue supporting him. Not everything in his life can be about me and our relationship. Do you see where I'm going with this? Your girlfriend doesn't seem to be prepared to do this.

 

If you do still want to try, then I have one suggestion. When you said "we've drifted apart", you obviously really hurt and scared her. She doesn't deal with emotion well (obviously), so you might really have to explain what you meant by that (if you haven't already tried).

[Meow18]

Maybe she over reacted a little when she was drunk. In my opinion, it's never a good idea to talk about the problems in a relationship when the other person is drunk. If she wasn't, things might not be so bad.

 

This girl is just trying to make you feel worse and worse. She wants to see you get jealous over her.. why else would she tell you that she bought those handcuffs and other things, but didn't want to use them with you? Or that she can get sex from someone else? How attractive is that?

 

I think things are going too far. I think you should talk to her. Tell her that if she doesn't want to be with you, then you don't want to hear about her sex life or other guys. That's just mean.

 

I think she's just trying to make you crawl back to her and feel bad. You shouldn't though. You told her the truth and how you really felt and she should appreciate that.

 

I think the more you distance yourself from her, the more she will be trying to get you back because she will see that you aren't going to play her games anymore.

[RayKay]

Hmmm, well, she did fly off the handle a bit (understatement!)...and it was quite immature to say the least to also tell you she was going to use those things on other guys .

 

I hope it was just a "angry reaction" and not truly meant (not that that makes it alright either). However, siince she followed it up again the following day...I'd say that something has put her over the edge.

 

I am going to guess her drinking had something to do with it..it probably gave her the courage to say "look, somethings not right, I am feeling neglected" but the drinking also clouded her ability to communicate effectively, and when she felt that you were dismissing her concerns, she may have reacted out of hurt and frustration.

 

I think right now its best to give her the space she seems to have demanded and forced. You two need to really talk, but forcing it won't be very effective right now...maybe just send her a short message saying you really want to talk, you are sorry for the misunderstandings and confusion but care about her and want to talk. And you both need to communicate more effectively - and shouting and threats are not effective in the long term!

 

I am not sure if you can save it, it almost sounds like there is something that has already switched in her mind and she had these thoughts before that call...in her mind the decision may already be made, but I do hope you two can at least talk and figure out where things went wrong and whether they are worth working on or not.

 

At the same time, you need to determine whether it is worth it to you....if she does this often, that is not fair to you either, and is almost manipulative. And I would say threatening to use her new "outfit" with other men is well...a sign that she has some maturing to do, and needs to learn relationships are a two-way street, with communication from both sides...and threats and manipulation when things are not exactly as you want are not the way to go...you may determine that it might be time to move on rather than deal with this anyway.

[ggoman]

After reading your post, what impressed me most is that this girl does not seem at all like the kind of girl anyone would really want to be with with long-term. She seems to have an explosive temper, and seems like she is prone to doing extremely hurtful things. I'm sure you've shared some really good times together, but you really need to ask yourself (I'm not pretending to know her completely... obviously I only know what you've written) if she really possesses the qualities that you want. That is an extremely important question. Good luck to you.