Help me help my sis! please!

[Mysterious Gurl]

Hiya,

 

I'm back home in my home town now. Anyway I'm having some problems with my sister. You see I was down for a month with my sister just visiting. Anyway she doesn't have any relatives in London at all apart from he boyfriend and his relatives that live there as well.

 

Anyway her boyfriend Jake, he's shy and quiet and easy to please but he doesn't like people (who he's not familiar with) to visit Louise. At first he was a little reluctant to let me stay. The thing is he doesn't make an effort with with people he doesn't even make an effort with his own much. Anyway On Saturday mum and dad drove down to pick me up and Louise was thrilled that they came. Jake wasn't. He didn't eat lunch with us so it gave our parents the impression that they weren't welcome. Luckily they weren't getting that vibe.

 

Louise was very annoyed that he wasn't making an effort with them since she ALWAYS makes an effort with his family if their down.

 

Jake wants to spend christmas with Louise and his family, he wont have it any other way. So last christmas thats the way Louise spent it and she spent all christmas crying because she couldn't spend it with her family.

 

She had a rough relationship before Jake, she was with a guy called Stan and he lived in Swindon with Louise. She told me while I was down that it was hard leaving him because he abused her violently. He bust her lip and blacked her eye! I was shocked because I knew they were having some problems but not like that, so I hugged close told her that I will make sure she's safe and I will do my best to look out for her (You see I'm only 16)

 

I got home rang my brother and told him and he was shocked just as much as me. So now he knows. I think Louise and Jake might end the relationship if Jake doesn't pull his weight and make and effort to do things with Louise. The thing that bothers me if they break up is, I wont see Justins sister and husband or their baby girl! There like y family now I love seeing those 3, but if Louise ends it it wont really be possible for me to see them.

 

When I went home on Saturday, before I got in to the car I hugged Louise and didn't want to let go. She was crying and so was I because we didn't want to leave each other. She had been arguing with Jake that morning about him winjing about our family coming over. She got annoyed with because she always welcomes his family with open arms but he doesn't wiith our family.

 

I let go of her and got in to the car and she was cryign badly. As we drove off down the street she walked down the road to the car that was driving off, it broke my heart. I couldn't bare to leavr but I had no choice. I knew when she got back in she's start rowing with Jake and I wanted to be there to support her. I love my sister so much. I donj't what to do. I rang her when I got home and she was tearing then. She said how annoyed she was at Jake, and that if they break up I wont be able to come at Halloween. (I go to see EVERY Halloween, it's like tradition) if they break up she wont be able to afford to keep the house and have me down at the same time.

 

I don't know what I'm trying to say here I don't even know if advice can be given, I just really needed to tell somebody. I'm not telling my mum and dad about the break up because Louise doesn't want them feeling sorry for her. Only mty brother knows the whole situation I can teel him sin he's my brother.

 

So what do you think, I'm not sure if this is a rant or what I just want help my sister! She has even been able to strip my bed because she said it means that I have actually gone and she will strt crying again

 

what do you think, anything you might think will help please!!

 

Miya x x

[misswonderment]

Hi there Miya, Mysterious Girl. I just wanted to say that she should love herself more and him a little less by the sound of it. How is it fair that his family's needs are addressed and your family is not as important. It's very controlling of him. She needs to make a decision of how high a price she wants to keep paying just to be with this guy. If she sticks with him she may lose touch with the people who really will always be there for her. She needs to make a choice, ready or not, and she should choose herself not him - he does not sound worth it, her happiness is not his concern and it certainly should be because that's what it's all about. I hope she sorts herself out soon.

 

Girl10

 

[Tigris]

Your sister should tell him that this year she will be spending Christmas with your family. That he's welcome to join her. It's only fair that she should take turns.

 

In our family we go to one set of parents for Christmas Day and the other for Boxing Day. If this is not possible then we visit the other set on New Years Day. The following year we do it the other way around. Both sets of parents appreciate the way we handle the situation.

 

Is it possible that your sister could talk to his mother and explain the situation? Maybe his Mother could explain that it isn't fair to stop your sister from seeing the family?

 

Finally, no matter what you do or how much you advise her, it's up to your sister to make decisions for her own life!

 

I hope she finds the strength and determination to sort out her problem soon.

 

Take care.

[sonjam]

Miya, your sis is in an abusive relationship, and that is a very difficult thing to get rid of. She's going to need all the help and support she can get, since guys like that treat woman VERY badly, and when the woman want to leave, they try ANYTHING to make them stop, but then if they stay, they just treat them badly again.

 

I want to ask you to not put yourself first in this situation, don't worry about not seeing his family anymore, what you should be thinking of is how to help your sis.

 

I dunno, but don't you think it might help just a little bit if you confided in your parents? They might not feel sorry for her, but rather help her, and support her. What do you think?

 

Obviously this Jake is bad news, and your sis needs to get out of the relationship. If it means you will miss one year of Haloween, well, it's just once, and that could mean your sister will get back on her feet, and be happy again. That is not such a bad trade, is it?

[Mysterious Gurl]

Well the boyfriend who abused her has gone thank God!

 

Anyway I do care very much for my sister, I can't tell you how much, she doesn't want to leave Jake but it's like she has no other option if he doesn't make an effort. He is a nice guy just quiet and shy. He's eager to please but he can be forceful if he has to come face to face with people who are new.

 

He didn't take to me at first but when he got to know he was able to relax more. But he wont make an effort with anyone else. I want her to be happy, and it broke my heart having to leave when I knew she had been crying all morning. I spent a month with her and she was really really gutted to see me leave but very happy to see mum and dad considering it was their first time in London to see Louise since she had moved.

 

I would tell mum and dad but she told me not too so I wont. I want her to tell them herslef only IF she feels she wants to rather than have too.

 

If they break up naturally I will be upset for her, but I really will miss Jakes sister and husband and their daughter. Their like my family and when I go to London their thrilled to bits and come over to see me. Jakes sisters husband is really awsome he makes me laugh and their both willing to let me go too their house anytime I like

 

I told my brother everything about the whole fiasco and he said " Oh if she does leave him I'd like her to move back over here (meaning near our home town) and she will can see Harry and Ryan (my nephews)" I felt so angry to hear him say that because all he wants is Louise to move over so she will be with my nephews!

 

I don't know if she has properly sorted stuff out with Jake, is there a way I can ask without out being too nosey?

[Beec]

I think the one thing you should try to make clear to her is that you love her and will help her in whatever way you can. I also think Jake is abusive in how he acts. You don't need to hit to be abusive. It seems like an unhealthy situation. I'd work to get her out of it, if I could.

[Mysterious Gurl]

How do I work her way out of it? What if the end result isn't good I get blamed? I'm 16 so it's hard for me to help too much so I confided in my brother.

[Mun]

I think she should handle this on her own, but you and your family need to let her know that you are there for her and love her. In my opinion you should tell her to tell your parents what's been going on. She needs to know that everyone supports her.

 

This is a very bad situation. He may be a shy and quiet guy, but he is also controlling and manipulative. If he cared even one bit he would make an effort to be with your family too.. if just to make her happy, but he doesn't want to.

 

Not being able to spend time with his family, or her being able to afford the house will not be as important as her emotional well being...believe me...and I doubt you will be blamed for getting her back and away from that awful situation.

 

I hope everything works out.

[annie24]

Yes, it sounds like a very difficult situation, but she will have to deal with it herself. Like the others said, never let her forget that you and your family love and support her. I think that will help her the most in this situation.

 

Her man sounds very immature and selfish and controlling. Just how hard is it to eat lunch with you're SO's family? It's the least you can do for your partner you alledgedly love and respect.

 

Just be there for her. Good luck - I hope she gets everything straightened out.