The dumped...should I break NC?

[dustinthewind]

Hey guys...im sure a few have read my posts. My boyfriend broke up with me2 weeks ago, and I am having a really hard time maintainging NC. Last wednesday (day 10) he emailed me asking me to re-add him ti msn (instant messenger) and that's it. he didn;t say anything else. I have not replied nor re-added him. But hje broke the NC...and I really want to say something back...

 

some background....he broke up with me after 10 months because he said he was not in love with me yet and thought that "if it was gonna happen..it woudla already" (i know ouch....) we had a few problems before....well...mostly relating to him treating me poorly, and stuff...(read the posts if u are interested) but no matter what I tell myselfm, about how I am SOOO much better off without him...and I will be happier in the long run....I miss him so much. i am so terrifeid that i will not meet anyone that i will click with and who will match me in so many ways as he did. I went out this weekend and met a boy...he was nice..but the entire time i was with him I kept thinking..."he isn;t greg" or.."greg woulda said this and we woulda lauged" IT SUCKS!!!!

 

I want to get over him and move on...but therse a part of me> A BIG PART that is holding on and wishing that he will want to change and we can get bcack together..that he will realize what he lost. I know this is wisful thinking and probably damaging...and i wish i oculd just forget..but i think about him all the time. why do we want the people who hurt us??? it doesn;t make sense. I read the email he sent me over and over...wondering what it meant..obviously he was thinking about me.

 

MY POINT--> I want to email him back...kinda like vague just being like "sorry my computer is in the shop, im not on msn a whole lot..i just use work email" which is true.....and see what he says....but I also want to talk to him..and like...see what hes thinking how hes feeling..but will/might lead to me getting hurt again...but argh i just want to talk to him. Is there any case when its ok to talk to an ex who broke your heart? i think i am not able to fully heal and move on cause i am still holding to hope that he is regretting this decision and will change his mind...i feel like i need to verify he feels the saem way.....this sucks, cause I know that I am a fool for wanting this.

[Reilly2856]

The think the only reason he wants you to add him back on msn list is just to make sure you're not over him too quickly....it's sorta an ego boast for him. I would recommend to you not to break NC. You said yourself that he has hurt you and by trying to hang onto him (replying back to his email...et.c) you are only setting yourself for more hurt down the road. In fact, why does it matter what explanation you give to him...u dont own him any for that matter. So dont send one.

 

Your hoping you can change him, that he will miss you etc etc....but don't do that to yourself. Look at it this way, it's better to ffeel all this hurt and pain right now, then to break NC...start talking to him again, only to have your heart broken again. THAT wiill hurt a lot more. The longer you hang onto this "false hope" of his feelings intensifying for you, the more your hurting yourself. Let it alone. There's a reason it didn't work out....don't go back and try again. B/c the second time around, it will hurt a lot more.

[LostInTranslation]

I would advise not to break NC and continue to move on. I can say this because I am in the same situation as you. I was treated very poorly for nine months but I stuck by my ex's side just as you have. However, these types of people are selfish and only want to know they still have us when they want.

 

If you break NC and don't get the response you're hoping for, you will have to start all over again from day one. To me, this is too much risk. Two weeks is significant progress on your part so continue to move on. You said it yourself that you are better off without him and that you will be happier in the long run.

 

It's normal to miss our ex's and have our good and bad days. I miss my ex so much and today was a very bad day for me, but I know I must move without her. I have the same wishful thinking and hope that she will realize what she lost in me, but I must live my life as if that is not going to come true.

 

Besides ... ask yourself that if he came back right now, could you really be happy with all that has happened? Trust has been violated and you will always wonder in the back in your mind if it would happen again.

 

Unless he is crawling back begging for your forgiveness and pleading he wants nothing more than to be with you, then continue to move on. Nothing can come out of anything else that will make your life better from contacting him. Be strong and believe you deserve more than someone who says he isn't in love with you after ten months.

[Boricua7]

Before I say anything: What does NC mean?

 

ANYWAY, You're not a fool for wanting to hold on to someone who made you so happy and to want for more good memories to come. I know EXACTLY what you're going through (read my latest post and you'll realize how similar our situations are).

 

Know that you deserve whatever you want and that he's making a big mistake if he's willing to lose you. I think you have to do whatever it takes to make it easier on you. If hoping that after some time apart he'll realize that he does love you (which he very well might) and wants you back helps you cope with the situation then by all means HOPE! Just also be realistic (which I can tell you already are) in knowing that though there is a chance he may want to get back together there is also a possibility of you not getting back together and just being friends.

 

I know right now you think you can't handle being just friends and you feel like you can't be with anyone else. I feel the same way. I've never been so happy with anyone and felt this way before for anyone and have been able to be so open and free with anyone and I also fear that I will never have as good a relationship as the one I have with my boyfriend-ish (again, read my latest post and the "boyfriend-ish" thing will make more sense). I know you want to be able to kiss him and for him to hold you and to feel that wonderful feeling again when you lay next to eachother. I KNOW! I know it's hard as hell but you have to move on. I know that sometimes you'll be fine and all of a sudden something random reminds you of him and you feel sick to your stomach again with grief. I know you probably wake up wanting to cry because you feel like you've lost the best thing to ever happen to you. I swear I KNOW! It's hard but the best thing to do (which has helped me) is to surround yourself with friends, you'll be surprised how many of them really care about you. You have to find that one thing (or more than one thing) that occupies your time and your thoughts so that he doesn't pop up. I know sometimes you just feel like sitting in your room and doing nothing and you look at your phone wishing he'd call you and hope so hard that he comes rushing to your door to sweep you off your feet but you've gotta try not to think that way. It's ok to dwell in that for a minute but don't think too much or you'll hurt yourself and make yourself sadder. YOU make you happy, not him (although someone loving you REALLY helps).

 

If you have AIM add me and we can help eachother because I'm going through the same thing. What I think is that if you leave him alone and don't call him (this is REALLY hard) and don't contact him at all and when he contacts you you're busy or you can't talk it'll hit him that maybe he's loosing you. Right now he's comfortable in the fact that if he ever wanted you back he knows you'd take him back in a heartbeat. Make him doubt a little bit. Make him worry and see what happens.

 

HOPE THIS HELPS!

[Hope75]

I don't think it's a good idea to be adding to him your msn messenger, but perhaps a brief message back to him, like, "what did you want to talk about?" would be OK.

 

If it isn't, "I'm sorry, I made a mistake and I want you back..." then I think you know what the best thing for you to do is, and that is to cut off communication so you can get on and heal.

 

Truthfully it does not sound as though you are ready to be friends with him, and if that is all he wants, best to leave him in your past so you can heal.

 

good luck and I'm sorry about your breakup.

[hmdarkprincess]

yeah, i'm young, but i have input from experience!!!

 

my downfall was contact. long story short i threatened suicide a few months later when he dated my best friend and that led to therapy once a week for the next three months. just continue with the healing process-- however slow it may seem to be-- and just remember, he said he didn't love you; if he didn't care and has a history of treating you badly, then he isn't worth your time. find someone that will love you and will treat you the way you desrve to be treated.

[amanda22]

boricua-

 

nc means no contact.

 

its used a lot here

[amanda22]

dustin thewind-

 

i know you miss him, but you shouldnt add him. why would you? when he is on you will wondeer why he doesnt say hi. if he does say hi, it might get your hopes up when he just means hi. or if you talk it will be about what? its only going to hurt. if he wants to get back together or has something important to say he has other ways of geting a hold of you. anyways ex talk is always awkward or sad. like i said if he wants to charm you or get you back, he will find a way. no need to add him to messenger. i also agree with reilly. it could just be for an ego boost. just to see if you still desire him. or you can tell him you dont go on there much anymore, if he wants to contact you he can email you.

[dustinthewind]

HI guys...thanks for your replies.. I really appreciate it.

 

In my heart I know its a bad thing..the wrong thing to re-add him to msn. But just wondering makes me crazy. I agree with everything you say. It is so funny how everyone can be going through the same thing, or similar things and have the same feelings of loss and grief and sadness. For me, as I am sure it is with many others....despite the things that were bad about my relationship, or the times that i was hurt or upset by his actions, I still constantly have this video stream of memories flowing through my head constantly. It is never ending. It is so incredibly hard to just lose someone..have them drop out of your life....and no contact. i am trying to look at the big picture though, and this is helping....I mean...I am 22....there is so much more living and thigns I want to do.....greg is just a snag in the process. Although it is hard now....very very hard. and some days are better then others, im trying to be positive and find hope in that this is just a small time in my life..and that theres someone out tehre for me..who has all the qualities of greg...but even more!!!

[Bounder]

Keep thinking that way Dust, and dont feel bad for keeping memories, there's a reason we fall for the people we do, they were good and helped us grow at some point....