Jump to content

How to get her to give head? She isn't reciprocating.

Recommended Posts

I've been seeing a very attractive and fun lady for about the past month. She is 47, been married for 26 years, I'm 38 myself. The sex is wonderful between us but there is a problem. I love oral sex, giving and getting it...and she absolutely can't get enough of me going down on her. However, she has not reciprocated by giving me oral pleasure, and she rarely even touches me except to "guide me in". I want very much for her to go down on me and I feel that is an important part of a sexual relationship.


How can I communicate this to her without offending her? I feel like a pig "asking for it".


Could it be that she just doesn't know how to do it? She was married for 26 years afterall.


I feel that she needs to start reciprocating if the relationship is going to have any potential. What do I do?

Link to comment

I have the same problem at home... my man wants oral alot, and i hate giving it. it has caused lots of problems for us, so we had a very deep talk about it.

In my past i was with a guy who ONLY wanted oral, and if i did not give in, he would go beserk and trash the house, hurt me, ect. it got so bad for 3 years that all the partners after him i was so not turned on by giving oral. i would be so repulsed by it that i would end up doing nothing at all.

see if your girl may of had a bad exp. in her past.. i know that did it in for me.

Link to comment

Makes sense Roofer, I've considered that perhaps she had a demanding ex hub who put her through some bad experiences with it. It's weird because most older women I have been with love giving head. Maybe she has kind of intimacy issues as well...my ex had those, took us sleeping together for 2 months before she finally gave me head..then a week later she sabotaged the relationship. (whole other story..lol)


Anyway, so you think perhaps she has some issues relating to it? Could be.

Link to comment

Hmmm...sounds like she may be a bit sexually inhibited or not comfortable entirely if she only touches to "guide you in" and won't give what she receives...when you are having sex, does she ever grab you elsewhere...your butt for example even? What about when you are not having sex, any sexual gestures?


I think if you are able to have sex together, you should be able to talk about this together! Sit her down one day, after a nice meal for example, NOT while in bed, and mention that you love to please her, but have noticed (duh) that she seems uncomfortable with oral on you. Ask her about it - it may be she is not experienced, or has had BAD experiences, or is not comfortable yet. Talk to her, and see if there is a solution you can work out together.


Don't feel like a pig - it is healthy to want a healthy, reciprocal sexual relationship! Sexual compatibility is important too...personally if you don't have a great sexual relationship, or at least one where the communication is open and the exploration is there, you are missing out. For me, without a positive, mutually satisfying sexual relationship...its a friendship, not a relationship anymore


If after talking, nothing seems to change, you need to decide what you are okay with in a relationship and what you aren't...I think its perfectly acceptable to want to feel desired and wanted, and be "the receiver" sometimes too!

Link to comment

It might not have been soemthing she did in her previous relationship, or she might of had a bad experience with giving oral sex. I don't think you'd be rude if you came right out and asked, but it's the way you ask that's going to make a difference. She may not think you like it if you have not asked for it.


Sensual massage might be another good way to start off so she'll get used to touching you more. Since she enjoys receiving oral sex, she doesn't seem too inhibited. Try to see if she'd be willing to have a 69. Let her know you would love to have that same sensation. If you ask and she seems defensive about it- then have a talk to figure out why (I agree that OUT of bed is the best way). You'll never know unless you ask.




Link to comment

Ray Kay with the wise words as per her usual!


Makes sense to me. Guess I will have to bring it up with her. Or I can try being not so eager to please her...hehe....gotta "bring some to get some" angle maybe. It's only fair. I love pleasing her, but I want some pleasure myself.

Link to comment

Well... royal.... don't feel like a "pig" for asking for some reciprocal pleasure..

After all.. she sees nothing wrong with you pleasuring her that way!

It might be she is a bit inhibited.. the fact that she only touches your manhood before intercourse.. so maybe just a discussion is needed..

Then.. too.. maybe she did have a bad experience in her past... If that is the case... you might have to be very patient...

I can't see, however, not wanting to give your partner pleasure orally, especially if they are pleasing you that way..

To me.. that is just being selfish... Granted.. if she had "issues" about it.. then i can understand that.. but.. to just not want to do it... i'm sorry.. that is just not right.

Just my 2 cents..

I had a partner like that too.. i would give.. he would never give back...On the other hand.. sex overall with him was great.... so.. I felt torn about it too..

But it got to be very aggravating... so.. i well understand your feelings on this. But to me... oral pleasure (both giving AND receiving) is an important component of a healthy sexual relationship.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...