What to do about him?

[Ch1ckadee]

My First Name Is Dee, Hi people!

 

I have a situation that I want everyones honest, but polite opinion on.

 

Last year I went through a very hurtful relationship (nothing new, we all have experienced that). I'm 25, and my belief is that you stay with the one you marry through think and thin. That's what god meant for us to do. I was single for about six months then got over the hurting and pain in my heart. It was hard work! Three months ago a met this fabulous guy who is 29. He's is very caring and scincere when I speak to him about my difficulties in life.

He definitely has an extremly high IQ level, but for some reason he doesn't like to talk about it. It's like he gets kinda upset when I mention how smart he is. I find him very attractive (all the women do) and the makes me worry alittle, but that is not why I'm writing. I enjoy being with him and he is funny just like my ex. We spend alot of time at my house cause he's the type of guy that doesn't have comfortable furniture, plus he works close to where I live so any time after 5 oclock I call him and he is willing to drop by. That's kinda cool! When we go out, we go to all kinds of places near and far for dinner. Never anything really expensive but alot of different places. We take turns on paying. That's ok I guess. We allways use my car, but I have him drive most of the time. He has a well kept white commercial van and he says that It's just not apropriate to take me out in it. I've seen in side and for a work van he keeps it really clean. He has so many exspensive tools for Finish Carpentry he must make alot of money. In casual conversation I try to get a ball park range of what he makes. He won't budge, he just says, "I do ok I guess with working in 1.5 million dollar homes for a living." I'm thinking this is the perfect guy for me and I'm falling fast in love with him and that scares me to some point and I know he loves me because he let's me know everytime we depart. But, again that is not why I writing.

 

Here it is. He doesn't drink but I convinced him to have a few glasses of red wine at my place to losen up alittle. I was hoping that we would take the relationship to the next level. He didn't object and we were having a great time together, just the two of us together. He said that he felt really bad that he wasn't being completely honest with me, because he prides himeself on being a honest/respectfull person. This concerned me and I said nothing but listened.

He took me by the hand and looked into my eyes while he was explaining. This is what he said.

As you can tell I'm highly skilled in my proffession, 10 years exclusivly in high end home remodeling. A few months after 9/11 his boss panicked and started laying all the highly skilled workers including him. His girlfriend was very angry at him like it was his falt and left him a few months after. With the economy like it was and his skills he had a very difficult time getting a job at any wage. He lived off of unemployment for a year and a half. His parents are past away and most of his friends have moved to the point where they've lost contact. He lost his apartment and began to sleep in his van. He says that it really doesn't bother him cause he had to do this three other times in his career. He has allways been able to get work in a few days or a week. He has alot of contacts in the General Contractors field, but they all left do to the economy also. He believe In not telling a soul that he is technicaly "homeless" cause that would ruin his reputation in the high end market that he works in. A few very long years later he got back in contact with this manager of an employment agancy he knew his whole career. Every time he needed work this manager would send him on a remodeling job that kinda paid close to what he is used to. These assignments would last a few weeks and then a week later would be sent on another assignment. He has this little butane burner that he cooks dinner on and packs it in a box when working. One day he forgot to put in the box and a home owner saw and figured out that he was homeless. He was laid off the next day and never was sent on another assingment. He lived on one bag of Top Romen soup a day for nearly a year and allmost staved to death cause he figured that if he went to the free hot meal houses or what ever they are called he would be doomed to never get a job. He had to struggle just to get the $140.00 a month general assistance that he gets now tL eat properly. He gain all his weight back and then a little more. Looking at him you would never guess that he is homeless. He dresses casualy very well. He has ten pairs of $100.00 mens guess jeans that are so rare you never see men waring them. (He jokes that other men think he his gay, but he knows that the women are smart enough to know that they are mens jeans and cost alot.) He is very clean cut and I could go on but lets just say it was a major shock to me when he told me this. So much I would of swore I herd a car screaching as it suddenly stopped. I played it cool and said that he must be working now cause he takes me out and pays half the time. He reasponded that he is well known in the community for being one of the best at his field of work, therfore he is over qualified for most empoyment. He knows this is B.S. but he is allways try for work. He says it frustrates him cause he gets an average of 2-3 interviews every two weeks. The interview goes as to where they are highlighting his weeknesses and not his strenths like they used to. When they realize they can't prove what they are trying to prove they quickly end the interview. So he changed his resume and started to act like he only had a few years of experience to get the jobs. That works like once every three months and he gets hired. He says that the employers allways say to him that they wish to find an experienced skilled hard worker. This is his chance to prove that he is skilled and get the type of work and pay he is used to. He does so and this remarkably works and the general contractor is so happy they pay him exactly what he asks for, which is very reasonable for his skill level. He begins to think that his life is know going to turn for the better for many very long years have past. The General Contractor quickly figures out that he is %100 percent deaf in one ear and lays him off. He gets about %150.00 a day for the few weeks he works and it all goes to massively pilled up bills. I was shocked about that also, he never showed it to me. I mean don't deaf people talk funny. I didn't ask him this to spare his very sensitive feelings at the time. He say when they go to a resturant he struggles massively and fakes it, by read my lips. But in a working invornment he is busy when people talk to him and he doesn't allways see there lips. That is why he struggles. I asked him about dissability and he says he started filling a year and a half ago. Every time goes to one of their meeting they mention his management experience in the past like he is trying to scam them. They won't take a hearing test cause deep down they know he qualifies. He says this is a last resort and did not spend the last working ten years educating himself in business management and accounting to be on disability and hameless. He definitely felt srong about this. I asked him with all that experince he must be guarenteed a sucessful business if he got his General Contractors license. He said that is one of the worst mistakes he has made in his life, not getting the license when he could afford it. He figured he was doing well enough that is was pointless. He did pay for the classes and got someone to sign for his qualifications but, when he started the process is when he stoped getting hired. He'll have to start over again when he does decide to do this, but it is a $1500.00 dollar process and he doesn't get enough work to pay on his bills and pay that kind of money. He say the test to him is like a kinden gardener test. So easy!

 

I squeezed his had to asure that I was there for him, but really I had no idea were I stood. He was spilling the beans so I pollitely asked him if him being homeless for five years had anything to do with the fact that his fang teeth are decayed or missing? He looked at me like I just broke the cardenal rule of life. I became nervous and he reallized that so he kissed my cheek and said don't worry i've herd worse about my teeth. He said when he works with less skilled jelous people they make drug and fighting comment to me around the boss to get the boss to start thinking negatively about him. He thinks it warks sometimes. He teeth problem is due to a rare disese that I can't even pronounce. It eliminates all of the enamel of the teeth and creates air pockets in the root system. The roots die and his teeth litterely go from looking fine one week to cracked and decayed in half. He managed to get a few pulled to help stop the spreading.

 

I wasn't sure what I thought about his teeth, I mean I new him for a few weeks before I even noticed the missing teeth, but when he simles real big it looks horrible! He thinks that also is preventing him of getting the high end jobs. He say that in this business image is everything. He said that he has come to the conclusion the he is in a never ending unfortunate surcomstance. He his never dated while he has been homeless cause he is real incecure about his teeth and homlessness. I asked him what made him start and he said, "You" This made me almost tear for the sweatheart, but I held it in. He says he doesn't want to burdne anyone but, he has also come to the conclusion that the only way out is to get hooked up with someone that can help him out with some small things. He says that he has allways gone to a guy friends house for a shower but that is all the help he gets from him and doesn't blame him for that. He told me that he is not expecting a single thing from me and says he understands and would not get mad if I desolved the relationship.

 

I'm so confussed! This was (maybe is) the best guy I've ever met. Granted all the women go crazy for him and that make me incecure, but he glances in their direction but looks at them like he won't give them the time of day.

 

I need some honest but pollite opinions on my situation.

 

Should I move on! This guy obviously is running on a genius level and thinks I'm smart too.

 

I was thinking hard about the perception of my friends when they see his teeth or realize he is homeless (He hides that very well though). That is another downer.

 

I'm sorry to all for the long story but, I wanted everyone to understand the whole situation to get a proper opinion.

[Mun]

Hi there,

At the beginning of your post you said he has uncomfortable furniture...yet he is homeless?

 

He is a skilled worker who has faced incredible obstacles and he is in a bad place right now. Do you think he can pull himself up again?

 

I think that if you believe everything he is telling you and you think he is a fabulous guy that would give you what you need you should not pass him up. There are some things that money can't buy: loyalty, respect, love.

 

You will probably struggle as a couple, but I don't think it's impossible to make a life together.

[melrich]

Well he seems to have been very honest with you (although some parts of this story seem strange). I think you have enough information to know what you are getting in to. If you really like the guy and you are sure he is being honest then there is no reason to hold back on the relationship.

 

Maybe all he needs is to know that someone is watching his back and supporting him.