Girl has fallen hard for me, but I lack that capability...

[MisterPoppy]

I met a really great girl. She is extremely cute and she is such a sweetheart. We went on our second date yesterday and she has fallen hard (and fast) for me.

 

As much as I I have tried, I don't have any strong feelings for her. I wish I could, cause she is great...I don't know what is wrong with me.

 

I told her, and we're going to be friends and let love (if it exists or ever will between us) come naturally...

 

Does anyone have any idea what is wrong with me? I am attracted to her, but the chemistry just isn't there...I suppose it's that simple...when you find the one you love, you'll know.

 

Does it take more time?

[millaj]

I'm not the best person to give love advice, but I have a best friend who is just like you.. guys fall hard for her all the time, but emotionally in her life at this point, she lacks the capability to love them back.

 

Could it be something emotionally that you are going through that makes you this way? Or could it be that you just don't feel that she's the one you want to make that commitment to.

 

You just have to weigh out the possiblity of you wanting to still weigh your choices around with other women, or if there is something that you know she can't bring to your life, then let her know and don't lead her on.

 

Good luck.

[MisterPoppy]

It's better to be safe than sorry...as much as I know she would like me to cuddle with her, hold hands with her...kiss her, I can't. I don't want to give her false hopes because hurting her is the last thing I want to do. If I am going to do any of those things I need to be sure I have feelings for her...and as far as I am concerned, right now, I don't.

 

I started dating a girl back in December and I fell really hard for her (really hard). She was all I could think about. Then things kind of tapered off...and she didn't want a relationship. It was hard. I don't know if that has anything to do with it. I'm over her.

 

Ashley, the girl I am talking about - her boyfriend (who she planned on marrying) broke up with her last week...so that may play a part in this as well.

 

I felt the same empty feeling for the last girl I dated. I think I just need time alone...just friendships. I'm still young (only 19). I needen't burden my life with all this drama.

[MalibuBarbie]

Dont beat urself up over this. I was in the same position around a year ago. I constantly blamed myself for not liking such a beautiful person with such a good heart..i tried analysing myself to see if there was something wrong with me as to why i couldnt feel for this person...but there wasnt anything.

 

He just was not what i needed. as simple as that. Emotionally i was not satisfied with him, it was not stimulating enough, so i left. Dont do what i did and end up going out with them and then break there heart..only because you think its you that has the problem for not liking them. you DONT. Dont blame urself for not feeling chemistry with a person just coz they are "nice". If anything, be happy that your fussy and choosey with who you want to spend the rest of ur life with. Goodluck

[melrich]

You cannot force yourself to feel something. Just be honest with her about where this relationship is at for you.

[MisterPoppy]

I'm thinking it might possibly be the age...

 

She just turned 18 last month.

 

I had no problem dating the girl in December (who just turned 20).

 

Ashley, and the other girl I dated were both just 18.

 

Do girls change a lot from 17/18 to 19/20? If so, how? And how might this affect my ability to have a relationship with them?

[Shidoshi]

You aren't attracted to her in a romantic way. There's no need to analyze why, you just aren't. There's nothing wrong with you and there's no need to feel guilty about this. You said you've talked to her about it and that's all you can really do. Saying that you'll just let "love" come naturally, however, was a mistake and that probably gave her false hope. You need to say it isn't there and leave it at that.

[millaj]

Mister, it sounds to me that because you fell really hard and then were hurt, that you already know how that is. Seems that she may be hurt and clinging to you that way, and that can be very damaging.. seems that you are knowledgeable and know that this might be it.

 

Just let her know that you care about her and want to take it slow. She should understand.

[MisterPoppy]

She and I both want to spend more time together (as friends), but I'm afraid she may become more and more attached to me...and that may be hard on her (knowing that I don't have the same feelings for her that she has for me).

 

Of course, if we don't see each other any more, that would hurt her too...

 

This is a tough situation.

[Shidoshi]

You are making it tougher than it needs to be. People who are platonic friends don't actively want to spend "more time together." You either want to be with her romantically or you don't. Saying things like "let's take it slow" WILL give her false hope. You need to say you aren't interested in her in that way and just remain friends, although that's extremely difficult to pull off when one person has "feelings" for the other.

[MisterPoppy]

Tell me I did the right thing by telling her we should go our separate ways, meaning no more contact. We could attempt to be friends, but I doubt that would have worked...

 

I just want what's best for both of us.

[Shidoshi]

It's hard to be "just friends" with a person who has desires for you. It usually doesn't work. You don't have to completely write her off (unless she's putting pressure on you for more, or making you uncomfortable)just keep things friendly and non-sexual. Again, it's hard to do given the circumstances so you may be better off with no contact.