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Girlfriend lied, possibility cheated on me

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Hi everyone,

this gonna be long but i hope you all can help me.. i'm sufferring...


my girlfriend and i have been on and off being together for about 2 years now. she's 8 years younger than me and 18 this year. she went for a national service camp for 3 months and this is where she met W. The involvement of W shaked our grounds. she talks about W a lot and so I started feeling threatened by him. i was very jealous and start not believing and trusting her. so things had gotten worst after she came out from the camp.


i admitted that i was once too emotional and perhaps it made her fear me but then weeks later we were ok once again. things weren't the same as b4, we quarreled and fought a lot..


1 day, she told me that she slept wif W (that was only 2 days after we slept), she even describe how long and thick W's was, how many times they did at each meeting, and what position they were doing... that hurt me so much that i lost 7kg (~15.4lbs) in 3 weeks... i couldn't eat, sleep, work.. everything was out from me.. i feel like my dream's been shattered into million pieces.... after the incident, i stopped contacting her by all means, changing my phone number, not reading her email, requesting all those who knew my new number not to give it to her etc... it dragged on for bout a month and i almost had her completely out of my mind..


she was trying to look for me head over heels and still couldn't get me..

1 day, she sent a message to my good fren telling him that she'll be going overseas soon.. my good fren directed the message to me and i feel tat since she's leaving, i might just meet her once as she said she has something to settle with me.


when we met, she explained to me that what i think may not be the truth.. and she's saying that she did not sleep with W and nothing is going on between them, and she misses me very much and going nuts for not being able to contact me...

i felt there's a relief after listening to her explanation that they did not sleep together, but anyhow, i still feel a bit of uneasy and whether they did slept, remain a mystery in my head...

after her explanation, i asked her a question, whether she's still in contact with W and she said no... with this, i thought she and W were not in contact and i feel that i can once again be back with her and so i asked her to be my gf again...

our new days together weren't sweet at all, i'd use the fact that she might be two-timing me, the damaged she'd done to me, or perhaps she did slept with W as a reason for all fights, and she'd cry and keep quiet...

other than that, she has a sticker of W and her on her phone, photos of them in her computer, a framed photo of the 2 of them, and a blog writing all about him and she didn't delete or do anything on them and just leave it as it is... i've given her several hints and a week time but still, everything remains the same... i even found out that they were still in contact... after that, she promised me that she'll break off any sort of relation between them... but then i found out again that she didn't...

wat's adding more to it was that W's contact name in her phone was "husband" whereas i, her bf, is just a normal name... i seriously don't know what is actually going on and made me so confused on our relationship and whether she's two-timing me or not...


3 days ago, we had another fight and she finally exploded, saying that i yell at her for no reason etc... and she say that her heart is feeling very painful for being with me, but she doesn't wanna leave me as she's afriad that i might do something stupid.... but in the end, i asked if she really wanna break up wif me and she said yes... and she asked that i do not contact her, and she's gonna change her num etc so that it'll help her forget me more easily...


as for me, i felt i've lost something, i miss her, but then the mystery is stil getting on me.. and i don't understand why she'd lie to me one after another... i asked if she loves W, she said she doesn't know... i asked if she loves me, she said she doesn't know as well....


wat is actually going on in our relationship? what should I do?


to all those who've read this, i appreciate that you take your time to read it and thanks for advicing/commenting...

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Do absolutely nothing. All of this was her decision, and now she must suffer the consequences. She shouldn't have been playing these mind games with you.


Cut off all contact with her and don't get back into contact with her. From the sounds of it, you were doing very well up until you got back together.


Allow yourself to heal and meet someone who can treat you how you deserve to be treated.


I'm sorry you have to go through this, I know it sucks. Keep your head up.

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hey bud,


listen, for a great guy like you to be crushed by such a heartless person is cruel. The whole incident with W paraphenelia on her phone etc. and the whole "Husband" issue, is soemthing that you should have questioned directly to her. This is compeltely hypothesis, but maybe you can try to be more assertive with her, and that does not necessarily mean yelling at her. Another thing is, don't let one foolish girl make you feel like this. yes I know how hard it is to lose a loved one but the way I try to see it is...she just gave up special little me, now it's time for an even more special girl to deserve an amazing guy like me


cheer up champ, and this may be cliche, but there's plenty more fish in teh ocean, and oh trust me, there are.

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It seems as if she's very confused about her feelings for him and for you. It may be that she wants both of you in her life....I guess, the only one who can answer what truly is going on in this relationship is her or this other guy. These are the only 2 ppl that can tell you if you've been strung along for nothing. However, perhaps it is better that you maintain NC...it seemed like you were doing quite well before you decided to go see her again. I guess, you have to ask yourself if you really want a relationship with her after all that has happened...you two seem to argue a lot because it is hard to let go of hte past...you can't trust her (not that I'm saying there is or isn't a reason to trust her)....so, maybe it's better to just let this relationship go. Since this has also affected your health....that is the best advice I can give.

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thank you all for your time to read my story and to give me advice/comments.


this is the 2nd time (not counting the on and off that we've had) we got back together.. and she's the one whom made the move to find me after she first broke up with me. what she was telling me was, she is using W to help her forget me, and for me to forget me... and why is that so, she said because she suffers when she's wif me... but seriously, i don't know how and what she suffers from... she said everytime after we quarrelled or fought, she'd cry after i left.. but she didn't tell me all those until few days ago... besides, she said i reacted too emotionally when i see W's contact name as "husband" in her phone.. and she just say that it's just a name and no other meaning..


she once said that even if she and W were to start a relationship, they won't last simply because W has entirely no education or no qualifications.. and he's a bit of a f* up guy too.. all he can give her was the kind of feelings she wanted, and how he makes her happy, and she feels comfortable wif him...


i'm sad coz she'd never lied to me in the past, but now, she's been lying to me over and over again and i don't know which one of her sentences i can trust... remaining NC is what i should do, but then for the past 3 days, i'm still in touch wif her for a bit through email... i can't help it.. i know i've been through the worst, and in order to go through this will be much easier, but then, why am i still keeping in touch wif her? i'm confused

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You can't trust her because she lied, knew she was hurting you by keeping all that stuff about W around but kept doing it, and then lied again.


How could you ever trust her again?


The biggest favour she has done you is to break up with you.

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