how many of you guys like to hang on?

[sarsapolis6]

It happens when the girl you want (or guy, for the ladies) tells you "lets be friends." Sometimes when the person says that they really don't mean it. In my experiences, girls have told me "lets be friends" and then it becomes impossible to talk to them anymore. They said that to dismiss me..not to become friends.

 

But how many of you like to stay in contact with the people that you previously dated, not in hopes that "one day, she'll break up with that jerk and come to me because I'm only a phone call away", but rather you want to stay in touch because you don't mind expanding your circle of friends. Friends who are already attached.

 

Personally I haven't done it yet. Maybe this is immature, but I think I might feel jealous if the girl I wanted, decides to become friends with me because she interested in dating and eventually sleeping with another man. Sometimes I think this might happen: I become friends with a girl, she's in a relationship and months later we're still talking to each other and she introduces me to another girl friend.

 

 

And yet, this "pipe dream" never becomes reality. Maybe for you guys.

[melrich]

Yeah I generally like to stay in contact. Sometimes of course it is not always possible.

[Gilgamesh]

If someone was hurt in the breakup process, than some time would need to pass before you could even attempt to be friends. (one with hurt feelings, the other with guilt)

 

on the other hand on rare occasions, the breakup is mutual and done peacefully. in those cases its possible.

 

Usually the "Lets be friends" speach comes from the "dumper", this is said more for their benefit than yours, they feel guilty for hurting you, so when they say this, inside they dont feel so bad, they say internally "oh I am not a bad person, etc" helps them cope with what they have done.

[Mr. Cactus]

I'm with Muneca on this one. I just move on. It's emotionally stiffling and often humiliating and sometimes plain torture to hang on. I personally don't really see that any subsequent friendship is going to be truly worthwhile in any case. You could end up being acquaitances, sure, but for friends I think it is just better to make a fresh start and try to make new friends from a clean slate. At least with the new friends you won't (hopefully) perceive them the same way you did the previous person, so there is no expectation - which means none of those horrible emotions you go through because deep, deep, down you hope for something more (even though you deny it all the way to your grave).

[darkblue]

It's been different for each one of my ex's.

 

I've been in situations, as melrich said, whereby it's not been possible to stay friends. Either because I moved or it would be too emotionally difficult to see them often.

 

There are other times when I have stayed in contact with an ex. It hasn't bothered me; and some friendships are still going.

[moonunit]

im with darkblue. some of my exs are just gone. kaputt. out of sight. but there's a few that im friends with. and honestly i don't mind.

 

was it tough at first? yeah a little but once you have the boundaries set it got a little easier. i've a really good friend who's an ex. he had asked me to marry him at one point! messed it up. well just told me his gf of 2 years had a baby. i told him about my ex. so we've come to a common ground which is nice.

 

i haven't decided where im going to go with my recent ex. we've been talking about rekindling a possible friendship (long story). but we'll see. it depends on how i'm feeling and what i want to be honest.

 

so i guess it just depends on who the person is. thankfully i've never had a person tell me "let's be friends" and not mean it. just takes work.