Need advice male and female

[dolphin]

Hello all,

been awhile since i have been here, just after some comments from anyone willing to help really. male and female.

 

ok here i go, hopefully not too long.

Well i am in a new relationship or something. We have been together for 3 mths, me moving from my home town to here, where i live with him. We were having a relationship but still good friends. Sex so on, then i got a bit mixed up after more thoughts, come out of a bad domestic violent relationship (not this one). Stuill dealing with that too, got counselling happening. Then my male companion, says time we went back to friends only. We still have sex, after that he says this isnt meant to happen, friends. Then last night says this friends thing is not happening to good betweeen us, we both have feelings. He is still dealing with a hard ex wife, and kid custody. i live with him, in his bed too, dont pay rent or bills. There is no intermite affection except in bedroom, which i start.

 

thanks for listeneing

dolphin

[Beec]

It seems to me like you are both letting some baggage get in the way. Get it out of the way.

 

It also seems like this relationship happened really fast. You met, then bang you are living together. Demonstrate some independence. Create parts of your lives that don't involve each other.

[dolphin]

hello again,

 

how do i get my friend to relize we can have more than friends. i am thinking of moving out of his bed, everytime i wanta cuddle he brings up friends. But of course never stops me from touching him. i know he cares about me. I am better now i have had counselling, i just want a normal relationship

 

dolphin

[kellbell]

It sounds like the "friends with benefits" thing on his part. He wants to have everything like construes a relationship without being in a relationship. Friends with benefits can get tricky because in most cases one person, if not both, ends up having feelings for the other and it can get real messy. Especially when one partner finds someone else to be with. If you can handle the situation you in now with out the red tape, then I would continue doing what you are doing but from reading your post, you are dealing with a lot of emotional baggage at the moment. So if I were in you situation, I would find a place for myself and try to get on my feet again. I wish you the best and take care.

[Beec]

Dolphin,

 

Some people will agree with me here, some may not. IMO, if you want him to want what you want him to want, then you need to seduce him. I'd try to figure out how, and I know of no better instruction book than "The Art of Seduction" by Robert Greene. I will also say that this book is amoral and all about getting someone to submit to your will through seduction. I think those who want healthy relationships, should want to seduce and be sedcued at the same time. Greene seems to think you should seduce until the other person is willing to follow you like a well-trained puppy dog.

 

I think understanding the principles on link removed are also key. We go for people who give us what we want and need emotionally, they provide emotional fulfillment, while they remain aloof, independent and neither needy nor clingy. We only go for the people who know how to do the emotional fulfillment thing in intervals, turning it on anf off, which lets us see what we get when it is on and that we are mising it when it is off. And we also want what we cannot have or might not be able to have.

 

You need to learn how to make him want you and be attached to you. He won't be convinced through any logical arguments.

 

Finally, it is all about his feelings. You need to address his feelings, not try to convince him.

[dolphin]

hello again to all.

 

well i am still there in the same place, in his bed.

Silly i know, but i am scared if i move out of his bed and into another room i will lose him.

He cares lots about me, that i know

He at times is hot and cold, which i dont understand. He has been hurt deeply by other women and doesnt trust them.

 

We both enjoy each others company and are good friends, things lead to sex. And he says friends dont do this, i say i dont care

 

He has said on numerous occasions that we arent good at just being friends.

I dont understand it all, am i just being a foul to myself waiting for something to happen.

 

Dolphin