Nerve_Net Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 First off, to be pedantic, I'm a very introspective poet, my poetry is quite dark and sometimes unclear (and not in a good way). Though, my English Literature teacher has said my poetry is good, and I should consider it as a career.. well not a proper career, but like a main occupation. (I figured more side-career, but we'll see). Umm... these are 3 of (in my opinion) best poems. The first was my teacher's favourite she said out of the first 'batch' I showed her, and is a kind of homage to Bryan Ferry. The next two are poems that I wrote just tonight, and I consider them pretty good, not perfect mind. So I just wanted to get a few more opinions on my poetry, please. Loneliness (Homage to BF) - 15/2/2005 Walking down an empty street My soul on low again I walk down the old cinéma A pastiche of black and white White tuxedo by the pool The roué supreme I dream of the life Oh, the vintage life Mon Amour My love I sit and watch the lovers Oh those pretty petty lovers Inside of themselves A kiss Tender and true "Nothing but me and you" Resonating in my head Those words I once heard now gone From my aural pleasure Walking up the gravel An inviting home The e'er so fair living room Upholstered leather French lace draped accross your vinyl tanned skin My only friend On those lonely nights Old standards flicker in and out of thought A fading record My breath inside you Grainy walls mark out The blood stained teardrops Cried over you My mind is blown Your vinyl body Perfect to all pleasures Oh, the thrill of it all Alone From the Sun shining in the daylight sky, To the moon looming in the nightmare sky, I lay alone. With my curtains shut and my room dark, Nothing to do, Nothing to wear, Nothing to feel, And my heart feels bare. Desktop surfaces dust-worn, Rags torn Upon my bedroom floor. Aztec Camera blaring, As I grow more over-bearing. Self-consciousness of self-abuse, And self-comfort, what my soul will be wearing. The Sun meets my eyeline, My shopping bag eyeline, It's like working in a coalmine. Fading words, raspy throat, Upon her I did and still do dote. I lost my way, And for the sins I've pulled There was a price to pay. And the price is done and I end up alone. Like forever in my life, alone. Why don't I learn? When all life does is burn, Why do I deserve this? Time after time, No reason or rhyme, But still I try. But tell me, what is life without love? Single happiness, No comparison to double togetherness. And still I cry. Uncouched skin, untouched, cursed to be untouched. Misunderstood mind, misunderstood, doomed to be misunderstood. Broken heart, broken, made to be broken. Like a lonely train leaving from the lonely station, Lack of admiration, Adoration. And if I could I'd be free, So break off my shackles, And tenderly and comfortingly hold me. It might sound soppy, and might be taken for free, But remains to me a mystery. Lost is a cost, My heart sent back, stamped 'VOID', in the post. It's a heartbreak and a heartache, For Gods sake, I need to be loves as time grows short. My time is done, and I'm still alone, Love a mystery, please see, what I hold in my heart, For you, I dote on you, special one, I don't want to be alone. Morning Campers! From the lands of the high To the bustle of the streets, From the Norfolk coast to the Anglesey, From the Welsh warble to the Celtic tongue, To the English done to lives won, Many lost but at least few are won. Morning campers, the world's awake, Pack in the bull for Gods sake, The selfish roots of hypocrisy, The world is going for the buying rate. Morning campers, the TV's gone, What will you do when technology's done, Your reliance on the petroleum. Oil is fit for paying, Asylum, it's fit for staying in, And on goes the xenophobia. Waste not, want not, Morning campers, the world is turning And the Northern soul it just keeps on burning. Adoration for the media, The country's on its crutches, Good morning campers. Link to comment
volution Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 I like Bryan Ferry - "More than This" is one of my favourite songs from the album Avalon... You're not alone in your loneliness.... Link to comment
melrich Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 Oh yes. Very, very, very good work. I really enjoyed the first one and the other two were not far behind. There is a very good poetry site, The Poet's Sanctuary. I suggest you google it up and post your poems there. I think you really do have a talent and the members on that site are very knowledgable about poetry and will give you constructive feedback. Link to comment
Mun Posted August 17, 2005 Share Posted August 17, 2005 The world is going for the buying rate. I like that. Good work. Keep on writing. Mun Link to comment
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