being the "dumper" or the "dumpee?"

[1love2k5]

hi. i have a question/statement. i would like to know why do dumpers always dump a dumpee after they fall in love with that person? that always happened to me. i've been in love twice, and gave my heart to two people in my life once, and they end up dumping me because they found someone else. my ex was the "player" type, and players don't usually get married. (i found this out just two weeks ago) i will never get over the fact that i heard he got married, because he's never been "tied down" to just one female before except me. i think it's a bunch of that he up and got married. i think he only did that to piss me off and to get me jealous which he's doing a good job at it. right now, i want to get my revenge on him because of the way he hurt/treated me last year. he told me that the love he had for me just isn't there anymore, but he can go off and marry some chick behind my back. what a jerk!! why do people waste their time/energy to give their heart out to a person they loved, and then, they end up getting dumped? what makes me think that he really truly loves his wife? does she really love him at all, or did she probably maarry him because he of the intimacy or something else? i'm sorry that i'm being this way, but i had to really get this off my chest before i really lose my mind. how do i know if he's not gonna "lead his wife on"? i refuse to be "led on" a third time. a friend of mine told me to be careful who i give my heart to, because they might not feel the same way, and that i should never fall in love too soon because they also may not feel that way. if this jerk said that he loved me so much, then why even bother to say the "L-word?" i hate it when people do that. what i also don't understand is why do they say stuff they don't mean? and another thing: why do guys tell the girl that they love them, tell them they have feelings for someone else, then, dump them? also, why do they always want the girl back whenever they dump them, or vice versa. also, how can you tell a "player" (cold-hearted person) from a "nice guy (warm-hearted person)?"does the person that dumped the dumpee ever have any feelings or guilt on dumping a person? if so, why do they do it? if not, why waste a person's time? why do people feel they have to move on so quickly a few months after they dump someone? [/b]

[melrich]

Sometimes love is not forever. At the time your exes told you they loved you they probably meant it. But people and feelings change.

 

I really don't think that your ex would be going through with a marriage just to get back at you.

[Gilgamesh]

Hello 1love2k5

 

You have quite a lot of questions there, ill try and cover some..

 

also make some opinions on other items.

 

hi. i have a question/statement. i would like to know why do dumpers always dump a dumpee after they fall in love with that person? that always happened to me twice. i've been in love twice, and gave my heart to two people in my life once, and they end up dumping me because they found someone else. my ex was the "player" type, and players don't usually get married.

 

Many great guys ask in these forums, Why do women always fall in love with players ? cant they see how he will hurt her?

 

If you knew he was a player, why did you date him? did you think you could "cure him"? did you believe that what you had was so good that you could "convert him"?.

 

So he married this other girl, and your upset because he didnt use her like he did you, you feel cheated! Well first thing why do you care what he is doing? Its not the other girls fault he dumped you, do you want him back? didnt think so, so big deal, he is a jerk and you should count your lucky stars he is not in your life.

 

i think he only did that to piss me off and to get me jealous which he's doing a good job at it. right now

 

He isnt doing anything to you now, he dumped you and he is gone, if your bothered by what he is doing, then thats all your fault, you dont have to be checking out on what he is doing, you could just forget him and go on with your life. you really think he went through all the trouble to marry a woman just to piss you off? do you think you are that important to him that he would make that sacrifice? come on!

 

does she really love him at all, or did she probably maarry him because he of the intimacy or something else?

 

Why do you care? why do you need to know? what benefit will knowing have on how your wasting your time worrying about it?

 

 

how do i know if he's not gonna "lead his wife on"?

 

Maybe he will baybe he wont, his wife is an adult, and made a choice to be with this man, thats HER risk not yours.

 

how can you tell a "player" (cold-hearted person) from a "nice guy (warm-hearted person)?"

 

Ahh thats the kicker right there!, thats where you need to hone your skills.

many of the reasons you fell for him are exactly why players are successful to naive younger women. (most older women can smell a player a mile away).

 

* a player is confident

* he plays on your weakness, (you feel good around him)

* he has an attitude that your lucky you have him.

* he has plenty experience, so he knows how to make you feel special.

* he wont take you home to see his family.

* sex will happen fast.

* you feel lucky to have him, because you feel other women are attracted

to him, builds your self esteem.

 

By the way, players act like warm hearted men.

 

How to protect yourself?

 

* date a few times before sleeping with him.

* ask people that might know him.

* If he is too good to be true, he probably is.

* Is he extremly handsome, great car, and almost perfect on a date?

* did you meet his family?

* where did you meet him?

 

Yep there are lots of ways, Im sure some women in this forum can give additional clues.

 

Your first step though is to stop giving him control over your emotions, stop caring what he does, forget about him, move on. heal past this, and learn to spot the nice guys, the really "warm hearted" ones, that wont dump you, he might be that shy guy that smiled nervously at you at work, or super market, places you hang out. he may not say all the right things, and may not be as smooth, but he isnt a player either.

[lightn]

Well first of all I can understand your hurt but also what about the women. I mean don;t you think that women do this also? It is not the only guys. I mean you had a bad apple but then again there are plenty of nice guys but it seems when there is a nice guy most women run and get scared.

 

I was ready to open my heart to my ex and all of a sudden broke it off for no apparent reason. Her excues were lame and among other things, but then at times she acted like she did nothing wrong. Now it has been 3 months of no contact and since one of her excuse was I was always around but now I am not lets see what happens.

 

So don;t pick on the nice guys. Again women do this also. Some women go for the money as I called it golddiggers, but again there is some women who knows what they want.

 

Again there is guys who also know what they want and are not players.

 

As for your ex trust me what comes around goes around. The marriage will not last long and he will cheat on her or she will cheat on him. Watch and see but don;t expect it right it away. It could take couple of years but then again why would you want him back.

 

That is my 2 cents worth. Take it for what it is worth.