Whoa

[kskm]

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for a year now and we built a house together it'll be done in a few months.

 

His ex wife (they have been divorced for about 2 years)and I have never spoken to each other... I don't wish to be her friend- but I don't want to be her enemy.

They have a child together (a 3 year old little girl)

 

We will soon be moving in together and their daughter will be coming and staying with us on the weekends and such... I adore her...

 

Today while I was at work she contacted me- I have no idea how she got my cell phone number- she said " Don't you know what you've done to my family you **** *****"

 

I didn't even know how to react- she caught me completely off guard so I said nothing... absolutely nothing. Once I heard who it was I was stunned. Why would this woman contact me at work to curse me out? So I hung up.. and now am up late thinking about what I should have said.

 

I am also thinking about calling her back, I do have her number and telling her that she shouldn't be mad at me. They were done long before I was in the picture.. If she has issues it should be directed at him. I understand that she maybe hurt because she could have thought in the back of her mind that she get him back?

 

If I am going to be around her daughter I don't want it to be a war. I want no drama. I don't want her saying that Samantha (the daughter) can't come over if I am there- this hasn't happened but we haven't moved yet and I feel like this is a possibility. Legally it won't happen but for her to even say it to him would break his heart and mine.

 

If I called her I don't know what I would say... so I probably shouldn't call. I just have this nagging thing in my head because I think that I should have stood my ground when she called and said what I thought. But like I said before- I don't want drama or to make enemys with her.

 

So I guess my question is should I contact her and tell her that I think it was inappropriate to contact me at work and that if she is mad at me then she needs to sit down and really think about where this anger really needs to be directed to- if anyone? Or let it go. Let her be satisfied that I was at a lose for words and feel like she has one over me. Maybe it's not that big of a deal but for some reason it's keeping me awake.

 

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated! Sorry for the random thoughts

[Aueft]

 

So I guess my question is should I contact her and tell her that I think it was inappropriate to contact me at work and that if she is mad at me then she needs to sit down and really think about where this anger really needs to be directed to- if anyone?

 

I'd do that.

[slave2love]

Hi.........I think the best thing to do is speak to your man, especially to find out how she got your number.......then I would insist that he needs to finalise things with her, so this situation doesn't take a bad turn. I would then contact her if he felt it was appropriate.......as she is his past not yours and you don't want a situation where she feels she can start stalking you/hounding you whenever she feels like......you both need to do this unitedly and let her know that you don't have anything against her, but that you are just the innocent party........one way or the other, she is still holding on to your man and he needs to put a full-stop on that without fear of not seeing his child (even if it means taking it to legal measures.)

 

Good luck! S2L

[DN]

It may be that, although they split before he met you, that she had thought they would get back together and now knows they will not because he is with you. That is not reasonable - but people have been known to react like that.

 

I would ignore it except to tell your b/f. Don't insist he do anything about it right now as it could make a bad situation worse. It may have been a one-off reaction on her part. And if she has primary custody of his child she could make all sorts of problems for visitation and so on that would wind up in court - divisive and expensive. And it could end up with him having to choose between you and his daughter.

 

If she does it again, then maybe something will have to be done but until then you would probably be better off ti let it go. And don't forget that your b/f cannot control what she does; so insisting he stop her doing something is not necessarily going to work.

[Tigris]

Don't ring her that would make matters worse. Tell your boyfriend and he can deal with it. It's not worth the hassle. She's trying to make you and her ex have arguments so he'll come back to her.

 

Don't let her win. Keep the peace and say nothing!

 

Good luck and take care.

 

Let us know what happens.

[OceanEyes]

I agree with the other posters about having your man sort this out. This isn't your cross to bear, and you shouldn't have to deal with the politics of their failed marriage.

 

If she does happen to catch you off guard again, I'd try to be as polite as possible, for the sake of the little girl. You're dealing with a woman who is probably broken-hearted and feeling vindictive as a result of feeling that 'you won' her husband (even though that's not the case, you get what I mean). I've just seen the wrath of a woman in pain, wanting to hurt her ex-husband, and it's not pretty. If your man can find some way of talking to her and calming her down, there should be some kind of resolution.

 

It's really him that she's mad at, not you, but she's mistakenly directing her anger towards you. You getting back up in her face, throwing insults at each other is going to rip open those wounds and she's going to make it HELL for you and your boyfriend to take the little girl.

 

An irrational, broken-hearted, and obviously vengeful ex-wife is not someone you want to mess with. She's the kind of woman who will make it HER GOAL in life to mess with you. As long as you're polite and don't aggravate her, there should be some way of resolving the issues.

[kskm]

Thank you all for the responces.

 

I went ahead and told him about what happened and he called her to talk to her about it telling her that there is no need to contact me again, she's said what she wanted to say. He also appologized, but I told him there was no need to, he didn't do anything and definitally can't control her actions... or emotions for that matter.

 

I won't be calling her.... Ever. She apparently does not like me or wish to get along with someone that will be living with her daughter, and that is fine. I don't want to make "friends" with her- but I didnt' want to be enemies..... well I don't think we are enemies, although she may look at me that way... I don't look at her like that.

 

If there ever is a time that we can have peace I would love it, until then I will keep my distance... Thank you all. Sorry my responce is so late I have been out of town!!