Where do you draw the line?

[sasha505]

I love my boyfriend. We've been together close to a year, things are great and we've got big plans for a future together.

 

However, there is a guy I work with who just ... captivates me in some way. He is gorgeous, flirty and has exactly the same sense of humour as me. Nothing will ever happen physically between me and this guy - he has a girlfriend, I have a boyfriend and there have been many an opportunity when we've had coffee together after work late at night where things could happen, but we just seem to respect the fact that we can't.

We just flirt through conversation and via text message sometimes and we've never made any sexual physical contact.

 

I don't know what to do about this situation. I know I shouldn't flirt with this guy, but it makes life so much more interesting in my boring job and my life with my boyfriend and my work life are such separate worlds that it's not like I'm any less adoring and commited to my boyfriend when I'm around him.

 

In some ways I'd be annoyed with my boyfriend if he was flirting with a workmate, but he's an attractive guy and often has girls flirt with him and it never bothers me.

 

I think what makes this flirting at work okay in my mind is that I don't have any emotional investment and I don't want to take it further.

The guy is also my supervisor at work (he's the same age as me though, 3 months older) but don't play the unprofessional/bad for your career line of advice, it's a fast food chain, no one else is around when we flirt, it doesn't affect our quality of work and I'm not planning to be working here in 6 months time.

 

I guess I'm asking, what would you do in my situation? Is what I'm doing so horrible? Is flirting without any intentions wrong?

[ComputerGuy]

As long as you dont take things any further, you both know that, and ur b/f and his g/f dont have a problem...I don't see why not.

[RandomAdvisor]

I guess I'm asking, what would you do in my situation? Is what I'm doing so horrible? Is flirting without any intentions wrong?

 

I would stop flirting with him. Reread your post and pretend it was your boyfriend's, and he was writing about flirting with a girl he worked with. Would you be 100% OK with that? If he knew what you were doing, would he be comfortable with it as well?

 

Some people think a little flirting is harmless. I don't. In and that of itself the flirting may be harmless, but you know what isn't? The things it often leads to - cheating. There are many posts on this board from people who cheated on their partner. "We started off by just flirting, but then we..." I've seen it written many times.

 

You already say this guy "captivates" you. Imagine you continue your current flirtatious relationship with him for months. Odds are your feelings for him will grow. Then maybe one of your trips with him for coffee will turn into a trip for "coffee", if you know what I mean.

[Cecelius]

I agree with the above poster. If you were my g/f I would break up with you -- not necessarily out of anger over cheating (though I think the line has been crossed) but rather over the fact that you seem to be into this guy enough that it doesn't make sense to stay around.

[batgirl1113]

I don't necessarily think that flirting is wrong but part of what makes "flirting" flirting is where is can lead. Please do not fool yourself into thinking that just b/c you have a bf and he has a gf, you can't go any further than you think you can. It "could" happen just as innocently as where you've gotten now.

 

I am not judging you for flirting, by any means. I'm just asking you to be careful before you find yourself in something you didn't think you could be. And if you're a pretty girl and your bf is a good looking guy or if you have great personalities, people will flirt with you your entire lives. It is completely up to you to stop it when you begin to feel guilty or that it crosses a line. If you have to ask, then it probably has crossed a line that you are uncomfortable with.

 

I hope this helps -- not judging -- just don't want you in any heartache!

[knglerxt]

To me, flirting isn't cheating, but it is inappropriate. Why flirt with someone else when you are already in a relationship? What's the purpose? If you like this guy better than your bf, then both of you should break off your relationships and pursue each other. That's the respectable thing to do.

[Hope75]

I think flirting in the sense of giving a cute guy a little stare that you might never see again is when flirting is considered harmless. When you develop a consistant relationship of flirting with one other person, it's a bit more tricky and intimate this way, and given how you describe this guy at work it is definitely disrespectful to both of your partners to continue this way.

 

It's a blurry, dangerous line and could easily be crossed.

 

How would you feel if your bf constantly flirted with ONE girl at work, and shared phone calls and texts with her, and coffee breaks?

[conkatliz]

I have a very simple solution to your problem. This is what I would do, I would swap roles with my boyfriend. Think about it, picture your boyfriend at work for eight hours everyday with this really goodlooking blonde, with long legs and no wedding ring. Your boyfriend is very attracted to her and vise versus. Would you still think it was harmless for them to continue to flirt with each other everyday?

If you will do this then you will receive your answer.

Conkatliz