Loss of love

[drazzar]

My problems started about a year ago. After two years of dating my girlfriend called me up and told me she had cheated on me and that she thought she was in love with the guy but was still in love with me. She wanted time to search for whom she really loved. We ended up back together a few days later. Later that month we conceived a child. We decided to wait to get married but then she wanted to get married before the child was born. A little while after the incidence I started to have trust issues with her. A month before the planned wedding I told her that I wasn't ready to get married again, already have one bad marriage, and wanted to postpone it. A week later she gave me an ultimadum, marry her then or she would not name my son after me, me being the 5th of my name, and she was gonna move to Georgia and try to do her best for me to never see him. Well, we got married, had the kid, and now several months later I feel no love for her anymore. I don't want to hurt her and I told her I forgave her for her cheating, but I am not happy with her anymore. Any advice would be useful.

[lisica]

My first question would be: are you sure that the child is yours?

[ComputerGuy]

My question is since you are no longer happy...why are you with her? Take it from someone who grew up with parents that didn't make each other happy and argued a lot...it's better to have a mum and a dad who care about you but live apart, than to have a mum and a dad who are at each others throat, live together, and as a result don't even have time for you.

[drazzar]

Well, Lisica I don't know a hundred percent it is mine, but she said she was only making out and fooling around with him, she said no sex, but then why did she want to have a kid so badly afterward would be a good question. And she has lied to me several times in the past about her past relationships. I have found out she has cheated on like 3 other boyfriends/fiances.

 

Why am I still with her? Well, she is trying to do some schooling right now so she can get a good job. I don't want to leave her in the middle of trying to go to school, take care of the baby, and have to worry about making ends meet. She only has about a year left of college, I thought I can atleast help her through most of it. I don't know, I don't like to be mean, guess that is why I end up in this sort of situation.

[lgirl]

Drazzar, what about you in all this? why are you helping her when she's made you so unhappy? also, are you sure falling out of love with her and her cheating on you aren't linked? i think you should put yourself first buddy b/c worst-case scenario is you could support her all the way through school and she could very easily hook up with some guy there or have an affair at the first job she gets. are you prepared for that? for the fact that she may very well repay your generosity and support by betraying you (again)? once a cheater, always a cheater…

 

try and work out what's best for YOU and let her sweat the consequences. you deserve better.

[Tigris]

I think it would be a good idea to get a Paternity/DNA test done. You may discover that you're helping your wife through school and bringing up someone else's baby? The only way to be sure is take the test!

 

Good luck and take care.