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wondering what my next move should be

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Earlier this summer I took a dance class, and I bonded real well with the girl who was next to me. She has a son and (maybe) currently dating but I do know for a fact that she is solidly single..and likes to hang out with her girl friends.


For our final project we were going to meet at a studio to practice together but those plans fell through. So about a week and a half after the summer semester ends (and also after she tells me to "call her sometime") I call her and ask if she would like to meet for coffee while attending a jazz festival..someplace fun and very public. On that day I was expecting to hear a live voice but I got her voice message.

There's a rule in dating that a guy should only communicate with a girl when she's "live", not through her answering machine. I don't know how severe my mistake was.

Anyways, I leave the message. The weekend rolls around, and I'm getting ready but I decide to back out of it (for some insane scaredy-cat reason..maybe because I didn't have my contacts shipped to me yet) and instead I hang out with another girl who is strictly a friend. Sunday happens and passes and then I try to call the girl that I like on Monday.

On Monday evening she is walking around the lake with her friends, and then I make another mistake: I ask her "is this a good time to call?" and she says that she'll call me when she gets home from the walk. I hang up the phone. You see where I screwed up at? There was my chance to tell her in person: "I know you're with your friends now, but if you're not busy on Thursday, then let's have coffee."

Instead I let her control the situation. And what happened next?


She didn't call me back. This was last week, and I left another message asking if she would like to do something on Thursday. But I had just realized that a big concert (and this was something she mentioned many weeks ago during class) featuring neo-soul artists was happening in town. Without a doubt, she got my message, but why she didn't respond back to me even though she wasn't going to do our meeting anyway? I was very dissappointed. I decided to play her game, if that was indeed what she was playing. I didn't bothered to play phone tag, even though I still do have an interest in getting together with her.

Now its been a whole week and when I call her again (and get a live voice this time) I'll definetly bring up the past but I won't show any negativity towards her.


MY QUESTION IS: Should I go ahead and mention to her about meeting her for a lunch or after-work get-together during the first call after our week-long break? Or should I talk to her, hang up and then days later call her again to set up a date?

ANOTHER QUESTION: I posted the coffee date question on another forum and most of the ladies were divided down the middle on what type of small date it should be. Some said coffee wouldn't be good after a day at work, while others shunned the idea of going out to drinks with her, even though our city has a very, very lively happy hour. But in my opinion, drinking with her is a mature activity that I think wouldn't be appropriate unless we've known each other for a while. I'm not an office worker who works in the same financial district as she does. It's just not that simple. Plus, I don't even know if she's a bar person at all. She likes clubbing, but only Saturday nights with her friends.

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To be a tad blunt... forget her. I don't like to say it but she's just not interested. If a girl likes a guy she'll call him back. You've called three times and have yet to hear from her, correct? While it's fairly normal that she might not want to talk while out with her friends, if she was really interested in you she would have called back as soon as she got home, or the next day if that was too late.


The best thing you can do is stop contacting her and got on with looking for a new girl. If she really is interested she'll call you. If she doesn't call then you have your answer.

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I agree with the above. If she is worht my time, she will haev the respect to call me back. If she doesn't have the respect to return my phone calls, I don't have the time for her. I have given a woman some benefit of some doubt, but if I make three calls that are not returned, she will NEVER get a fourth. If she fails to return two, I might, it's unlikely, but I might call a third time.


Don't chase her, because if you do, you will never catch her.

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