I "need some space". A true classic

[Ownerofalonelyheart]

We hear this phrase all of the time- "I need some space". I've never heard it from a guy before, and I've never personally said it myself. What does it mean really? It's very hard for me to understand why someone can tell you that they are your soulmate- that they will love you forever- that they want to marry you- and then suddenly walk out the door, and give you the cold shoulder. I have never done this to anyone I ever dated. But it has happened to me twice.

 

My ex recently told me that she is very stressed about what's going on in her life right now- she has a lot on her plate, and "needs some space". As badly as I wanted to reach out to her, because I care, she doesn't want my help. It sucks- but I know that everyone on this board has been there before. I just need some help understanding. I don't hate my ex, but she is still very angry with me (for reasons unknown- she always kept stuff inside, and never told me when things were bothering her). She knows how much I care though- and how much I still support her, even though she's the one who broke it off.

[SkyFire]

Move on.

 

"I need some space" - I dont like you anymore, just like every other excuse to dump you.

 

There is no such thing as a soulmate. You are compatible with thousands of people.

[RayKay]

There is no such thing as a soulmate. You are compatible with thousands of people.

 

I'd say you are compatible with "thousands" to different degrees and different respects, when you look for matches/compatibilities on ALL levels the selection is far fewer. Your soulmate is whomever you determine to BE your soulmate and while there is more than one, that is not the attitude one tends to have when they enter a relationship.

 

Other than that, I agree, you must move on as she has said she does not want your help. Sometimes it is true that "they need some space" but ultimately what they are telling you is they need space from you, away from you, which is not really fair is it?

 

You may never know what is really going on, which is a shame, but you need to accept the finality of it and start moving on and healing.

 

Good luck.

[annie24]

I was reading last month's issue of Cosmopolitan. I don't know why, it's the same garbage every month. Anyways, there was an article with the same question: What does "I need space mean?" The author states, unless you've locked your bf or gf in the basement and chained them to the wall, "I need space" means "I want space from you." Sorry. It sucks.

[Bounder]

Other classics I have heard (all from the same girl, all in like two days)

 

I need some space

I need to be selfish right now

I need to see what i am missing

I lost myself in us.......thats rich, like it was my fault she lost her identity

[RayKay]

I need some space

I need to be selfish right now

I need to see what i am missing

I lost myself in us.......thats rich, like it was my fault she lost her identity

 

Ah, your ex and my ex read the same book "How to Break Up Using 1,000 Lies to Make them Feel Better. Disclaimer: Bound Not to Make Them Feel Better".

[ComputerGuy]

Hehe...yes I agree...I need space as far as I'm concerned is goodbye.

[boiler55126]

It's nothing more than a smokescreen. Nobody enjoys hurting other peoples feelings and thus they come up with pathetic break up lines. Myself, I'd rather hear the truth. Like "I don't love you anymore", or something similar. That's the hardest part, not truly knowing what it was. Leaves you to assume things. My ex told me "I need to find myself". What the hell is that supposed to mean? It's not like she's 16, she's 41 and she doesn't even know who she is. What a crock. People should just be honest and spare others the trouble of wondering til their sick in the head.

[Bounder]

Maybe they partially believe it....or want to. My ex said that since we had gotten back together I had been amazing, but it still wasnt enough, she still had doubts.....makes me wonder if I was really that "amazing", total doublespeak

[Bounder]

Or how about "Its just not what i need RIGHT NOW", like what, maybe tomorrow you will?

[moonunit]

I've never heard it from a guy before

 

I woulnd't think that you would unless you're dating guys as well! lol. i think that it's a non-gender specific saying pretty much.

 

My ex mentioned this a few times, so I gave it to him. It could have been that you were a little bit smothering? I'm not saying you were - but in our case we shared very little space so when he did say it (i made him change it to "i need k time") I would take off and give it to him.

 

still very angry with me

 

For some reason I think that some people who break things off tend to get angry at their partners to cover up their own pain? I'm not sure but sounds logical. Anyone else with any thoughts?

 

but yeah just start trying to do your own thing. If it's meant for her to 'come around' i think she will on her own accord. just continue to be the good person you come off as here and let her wallow in her anger. you're fine.

[Bounder]

Yeah, I think anger may a be a natural defense for dumpers to ward off pain. My ex seems to bedoing that, and she did that when we were together about other stuff too, got angry when inreality she was scared or hurt

[hurtingrl]

Yeah my ex told me he needed space because he was confused and needed to figure out things with his life and THEN e-mailed me two weeks later to tell me how much he was thinking about and missed me. Not fair! I told him until he figured things out I needed to move on and it wasn't fair for him to randomly tell me these things and take me on a rollercoaster. I told him to stick with NC and it actually made me feel better after telling him.

 

ugh - Make up your mind!!!