Just a little encouragement

[Mick]

Alright...met a woman who was recently widowed last December..we met in March...she said she didn't want to go any deeper and I completely understood..we lived a few hours away from each other...we kept in touch and things started to go too fast.....she loved me...I knew she still had some issues after her husband of 30 years passed away. She felt guilt, cried a lot..finally she said she didn't have any time for anyone or a relationship in her life..this was recently..I told her that she needed time...and If later it was meant to be then we'll see...she wanted me to move closer and I said this will take some time...our conversations were up and down all the time.....I figured she was lonely and was just looking for a band aid at the moment..it was no use for me to move down when things were all screwed up for her..then..........................we talked just a week ago...she said she told me a lot..a lot of things she wouldn't discuss with anyone..I was flattered......then she said she wanted and needed a relationship and started dating another guy?????? DUH? It seems like she is totally not ready as I was told and yet this....hmmmmm...Now I'm confused.....unless this was set up and she already had him in mind.....we know so much about each other and maybe could continue this some other time...in the future. For now I must move on and let her live her life...after all the things we talked about..dreams...what should I do and is she really through the loss? Or..after all these years, does she just want to test the waters? Let me know your thoughts...How long does it take to get over the loss of a spouse? Thanks..I'm just trying to put all this into perspective..............

[Jetta]

Hi Mick,

Well the grieving process varies per person really. And it also depends on the how long the spouse was ill. Was it sudden or a long disease that finally just got to out of control?

 

My dad passed in April. My mom has been dating pretty much right after (maybe a few weeks). However my dad's health wasn't great for years and got bad the last two, and we knew he was dying before he did and his passing was peaceful. Yes she has her moments. It's a huge change going from a couple to a window. She also has to learn things he was handling, etc. So it comes and goes.

 

Now in your case. It sounds like she just needs companionship, not necessarily a serious relationship. She's lonely, she's missing him, she's seeking comfort in pretty much any warm body (not the best thing but it happens). Thankfully my mom isn't doing that, she's really picky she's realized.

 

How does this affect you. Well if you really like her and want to end up with her, give her the space she needs. She needs to heal, she needs to perhaps date around (that's also individual). She just needs time and space. Maybe she really isn't interested in you that way but I really get the feeling your not there and she's in need of comfort right now, not someone who is going to make demands upon her.

 

I hope that helped somehow. Most of the people on this board are young so this isn't a topic too familiar to any of us really.

[heloladies21]

Here's your perspective, she just wasn't interested enough in you to get into a relationship with you. She had her chance and blew it, so write her off and on to the next adventure.