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Explain this one because I cant.

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Many thanks for any though's if you respond. Been on here for a few weeks and needed to let things out here. Could do with some MAJOR advice on this one.


I cant make any sense of my ex. Together for 10 months and we split up. She's had a bit of a bad past and lots of things have happen (think I met her when she was in the middle of her troubles). We split up a few times during all this she would ask me to walk away because her and her ex had stuff they needed to sort out between them. I knew what this was but dont want to go into I would be here all day.


As I said it seems things where looking up about 4 months ago her ex went away and there where no more problems. I build up her trust and she did tell me that she loved me and she had always, even when she would push me away and ask me to walk away from her. This must have been hard for her too say that because she often would find it difficult to express her feelings. I took things very slow with her not forcing anything along. I started to learn her to drive and took her on days out.


She didnt really have many good friends and before we got together I think she would get lonely, go out and drink with people she knew from work to just do fill her time up. One time (we where split up at the time) she called me crying saying she feels very dirty inside and hates her self.


I managed to calm her down and sort of learnt somethink about why she does stupid things sometimes. The past few ex's seem to have the pwer over her and she always did the chasing if she split up with them. I knew I had to just take it slow with her. Anyway we where going out alot and then she started to hang about with an ex friend of hers. This girl was a bit of trouble, did drugs and drank alot and my ex got into all this again (she did this with her ex). She started acting strange and I started to not trust her. Dont know why but just got this feeling that wouldnt go away.


Then it happen, this other girl was trying to hook her up with another guy and my ex started to text him. I found out by checking her mobile and confronted her, I know I broke her trust but the way she was acting made me not trust her and from what I saw it did seemed they where going to met for a drink. She said it was harmless and just girl stuff but I though this was out of order and she was taking the p~#s. So we split up. She blamed me and about a week later she was dating him. To say that hurt is an understatement. I had stood by her there all the troubles she had and was on call 24/7 for her. The icing on the cake was that she blamed me for the split and when I tried to call she would really rub things in my face about this new guy. saying how happy she was, She's in love etc etc. I just hated her. We had a few argument, I said nasty stuff she said nasty, things you say in the heat of the moment. She said she hated me and we just left it at that. I knew I was just getting more hurt by calling and just stopped.


I got a couple of text's a few weeks later, just plain weird, one saying she think she made a mistake and that she knew it was me she loved. I text back saying that we need to talk. When we met she say she hadnt text that message it was somebody messing around and she was still with this guy. It hurt and I did still have feelings for her but knew it was pointless trying to say anything to get her back. I was just confused knew the meeting was pointless and we both ended it. Both agreed it wouldnt have worked out. I didnt want to show her I was upset, but I think she knew I was.


Her new guy didnt last long, about 2 weeks and she came over to my work wanting to speak to me. I told her to go away. I felt a bit sorry for her and called her, and we met up again, think it was sort of a sorry meeting. Not show way I went, stupid to think that she might of wanted to get back together. She said she had felt bad for doing and treating me the way she did. She did care about me and she just kept saying she was a BIT@H and she's messed up in the head. She said I didnt deserve to be hurt and I deserve somebody better. I did say sorry for any nasty stuff I said and I was just feeling hurt. Again it end with us sort of being friends but I just couldnt do that because I still had feelings.


I see her everyday because she works in a shop facing my work so its very hard but we dont speak both ignoring each other. We I did try to speak to her she would ask me to go away or say stop calling her. I been good so far with NC but a few days ago I was in the pub with 2 work friends and she came over the pub and sat with us. She sort of knows one of my work friends but there not really close or anything. I went the toliet and she said to him (he's also gay by the way) she hates me and he said why are you here then, she didnt say anything back. I just acted happy and igorned her talking to a female work friend. She was on her mobile calling everybody trying to get them to come down and met her but nobody turned up and she just left. The next day I was working a night shift and she called my work, she was out with a her friend from my work asked to speak to me but my work mate didnt get me and she just said oh I was just calling to book a day off for her work mate. We still havent spoke I feel I cant because it seems like Iam running to her and she just gets mad asking why am I calling.


I am not going to contact her but what is she up too or trying to do. I still have some feelings for her but there are fading by each day. It feels she is trying to get me back, and I admit Ive been a bit stupid and chased her since we have split up but havent for 2 weeks.


Theres been a cycle she finds an a reason to contact me, we start being friends and then we argue and not speak again. This has happen a few times. So Ive not contacted her for about 2 weeks and changed my mobile number. The funny thing is that I think I still have feeling for her but dont want to be with her because of the way she acts. I am not sure what I want from her, maybe for her to chase me and I tell her to go away but dont think that will happen. She is very stubbon. Ive been the one to make contact in the past and I thing she though I would keep doing this. Thanks all the same but feel so bloody confused and hurt by her actions. She broke up with me and it was me thats chased so why all the crappy games and telling me that shes with other guys. I guess Iam just having a bad day and getting it out here so I dont make contact with her.


Thanks again.

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ok first i think u need to take a breath...lol. i think that this girl has been hurt in the past and obviously is not dealing with her problems the right way. i think she continuously hurts ur feelings because she has had people do the same unto her; thereforeeee doing the same right back at you because that is what she knows. i personaly dont think that you should continuously put up with her. and if you cant stay away from her, maybe try and get her some help...maybe a counsler? i really think she just doesnt no how to deal anymore and the way she is acting out to you is her way of making her feel better, but then after doing so realizes what she did is wrong, and thereforeeee becoming that continuous cycle.


i hope some of that helped

Good Luck

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Thanks for the reply so quick, yea its just hard for me at the moment. She just does the strangest things when she see's me acting all happy and being loud. Ive tried to be strong and have done NC for 2 weeks as I said but it doesnt feel like NC because I see her every other day because of the work thing.


I know it's pointless trying to speak to her as we have done that and it just ended up with me getting upset. I found out that she was sort of meeting another guy from a friend but he doesnt want to know her and her ex before me called her a day ago to remind her about somethink she had too do when they where going out. This upset her. I just dont want to add to her pressure right now but I do really still care for her and want her to know some how with out seems needy.


I have sort of broke our lines of communications with changing my mobile number but got my old one back. She thinks I have a new mobile still but want a way for her to find out I can still be contacted on my old number. Any ideas, I just cant contact her as again it I feel Iam giving her the power over me.

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u said you see her alot because of the work thing, maybe let this hole thing cool down just a tad for a day or so and maybe work up the courage to visit her after her work is over or something and just tell her that you would like to still keep in touch, maybe then giving her your fone number again, just something suttle like that could do the trick because your not really asking for some huge convorsation, your just letting her no that you are still thinking of her and you would generaly like to be part of her life

i no you said you cant keep contacting her but by just maybe giving her your number or some way to keep in touch, she will maybe come to her senses and call you to talk..like ...truley truley talk

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I know NC must be the only way to go. Today I do feel alot better and guess I just have some off days and start fighting the urge to call her. This has been the longest time for NC, so starting to feel good about it.


Turning up at the pub last week though just makes me thing whats she up too. It does seem she wants a reaction from me but what for, she ended it and then rubbed her ex new guy in face.


When we did met up and spoke a while back she did say sorry for this but it still feels hurtful. But like I said before theres been a bit of a cycle that we have had and I know its up too me to break that.


I do love this girl and still care for her but know she must sort out her head. What do I do if she makes contact again. Is she just trying to find out whats going on in my mind, again this has happen before and it just builds my hopes up and nothing really good comes from her pointless text messages. It seems her past relationships she has always done the chasing but she has never chased me, the oppsite in fact pushed me. Her friend said to me once that she has never had a guy like me and that scared her so much. I sort of understood what she met but why be nasty to somebody that really cares.


Thanks guys you have been a great help and I do feel alot better today hope it stays.

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Need help, my ex is going to my work night this week and Iam very scared to go. I just think she will get drunk and do something to wind me up like kissing another guy or somethink like that. What should I do. Ive do what most people advice when being the dumpee and do NC but she has texted me on my new number about somethink stupid and I did reply keeping it short.


Help or advice would be great. I just want to show her I am strong but also want to make her think what a big mistake she has made. I know iam still heeling and will have these thoughs but feel hurt and cant stop thinking about her and ways to get her back.

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Any help on the above post would be greatful. Iam getting ready to go out to a work party and somebody from my work has asked her to come along. As I said before I know she will do somethink with somebody else but why do your ex's do things. I sort of show her that I have moved on by NC dont ask me how she got my new mobile new, been asking about but nobody is admitting to it. She sent me a small text last night nothing of real value, and it didnt really sound like anything. I did respond in a polite way. I dont want too go to this party but have too. Trying to be strong but after a few drinks and if she try's to kiss every guy in there, which I know she will do I dont want to look upset even though inside it will be hurting. Why do ex's play these stupid games when they dont want you.

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