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Why do "Nice Guys Finish Last?"


nturner199
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My friend once told me this qoute that said, "Nice Guys Always Finish Last." When he told me that, I looked at him confused and said "what are you talking about? Nice guys can't finish last because thats what the girls want!" But over the last couple years I have realized that the qoute seems to be more true than I wanted it to be. Can someone please expain to me why it seems like the nice caring guys always finish last or get left out of relationships???

THANX

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  • 3 weeks later...

Being nice and being assertive, standing up for yourself when people try to take advantage of your kindness, are two different things. I used to think my husband was too nice and let people take advantage of him. But he too is aware of his weaknesses and his kind nature puts him in with good people. Keep a positive outlook and you will warm people over to your side. Nobody wins all the time or loses all the time. Recognize your own positve qualities! It takes work to be good all the time!

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  • 4 weeks later...

Your Friend was wrong. He may not be a nice guy, and that's fine, it just means that he doens't get the nice girls. If he is a bad or mean (not nice) guy, and he treats women like objects instead of respecting them and realizing their true beauty is not in their chest size or how good they are in bed but that they have a beautiful smile or hair or eyes. They look for this kind of thing in a long term relationship. They want a shoulder to cry on and a person that will truly listen to them, one that's not always looking for a wya to get into their pants. That is the true essense of love.

 

So, whenever you feel that he has the upper hand, just remember, that there are beautiful girls out there that want someone to love and be with, but they have shut themselves in because there are just too many not-nice guys. Don't ever change, there are not enough true gentlemen out there anymore that would hold the door for or get a chair for any woman, and by being one, you could set a very good example.

 

Good luck, make them melt in your arms and love you always!

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  • 5 weeks later...

Well, my female friend and I have thought about this for a LONG time, and it actually has to do more with the girl and her feelings about herself than it really has to do with the guy. Believe me, I am speaking about this from many MANY personal experiences (unfortunately). There are a variety of "reasons" why a girl goes for a jerk.

One, she wants to be a person that changes him. She wants him to become a better person and she thinks she can inspire that change. She wants to have him be better, but a lot of the times, she also wants to know that the guy loves her so much that he'll give up his "jerky ways" for her.

Two, she wants to feel special. Think about it. If a guy appears to be a jerk to everyone 100% of the time but then he goes and treats this one girl nicely even 10% of the time she is distinct from every other girl and guy out there. She KNOWS he likes her because he is treating her nice even that tiny bit of time. She feels special and ironically enough, loved.

Three, she doesn't feel she deserves any better. I have found that at times I'll start interacting with a REALLY NICE guy and I start to think things like "if he really knew me he wouldn't be interested" and "if he's interested in me, there MUST be something wrong with him." I know, I know, it's a demented way of thinking, but SO many girls really think that way.

Reason four, a lot of people associate "nice" with "boring". Although this isn't always the case, a lot of "jerks" have a bit of a wild and exciting side to them. Most girls like that...especially during the initial stages of dating. If you're a "nice" guy, be spontaneous, exciting, adventerous and don't let them think nice=boring. After the relationship starts to relax, a bit of predictability is nice, but during the initial stages, most girls want excitment that leaves them craving more of you.

My fifth reason is because "jerks" are generally more assertive. If you think of a "jerk" a lot of people will think "players" right? Well, in order for a person to become a player do you realize how many girls they have to come in contact with? Do you realize how many "risks" they need to take? If you're a nice guy, fine! GOOD! I am SO EXCITED because we really do need more of them, but if you see a cute girl accross the room, go and say hi to her...be more daring and less afraid of failure.

My last reason is, in actuality, the guy isn't ALWAYS a jerk. Think of how many times you, as a guy, have felt intimidated around her friends, family, or other guys. What's the first thing you're going to do? You're going to clam up or you're going to act tough and try to prove that you are "worthy" of their approval. Think of how you act differently in a group of guys that you're not good friends with. You're not your normal self all the time are you? It's an issue of a touch of insecurity being mistaken as snobbery, jerkiness, or trying to match up with the machismo of the group.

I will say one more thing then I will step down from my soapbox. If the girl is dating jerks for reasons 1-3, generally she is not emotionally able to really be in a significant relationship. You don't want to be some girl's project or be with a girl that is so low in self-esteem that she doesn't believe she deserves better. BUT, reasons 4, 5, and 6 are easy to get over. Have fun, be brave, put yourself out on a limb every once in a while, try new things and show girls that adventure and a bit of daring doesn't go along with being a jerk necessarily. And just relax. If you are a nice guy and you act like yourself, you really will be liked.

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Girls basically want a nice guy with a tough streak--a gangster and a gentleman. Girls want a guy who is nice to people, has manners, handles conflicts suavely instead of fighting everybody, etc. They also want a guy who is assertive, is strong enough to say "no," doesn't let every insult get to him, and does something like leave plane tickets on your dresser. I notice that the girls who liked me the most were the ones who saw that I was both daring yet considerate, explicit yet refined, etc. I took the hint...

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  • 3 weeks later...

I am a nice guy I have many female friends. From my obversation women want a bastard. I used to get annoyed by this fact but I came to accept it. If that is what is wanted then that is what they can have. Men who lie and cheat will all ways come out on top in the dating game. But what I would like to tell all the women who read this thread is that you have no idea what you are missing. There are thousands of nice guys who are fun out there. You are just too blind to see it them. I would give you like to say "open your eyes" but you wont. So my intentions are simple. I will be friend's with women as I find they are better friends than there male counterparts. I will sit back and listen to all your troubles and offer any support that you want or need. That is what a friend and a nice guy does, and if that is not what women want then, it is a great loss for many people around the globe. Long ago I have a choice, change in to a jerk or accept the fact that because I am a nice guy I will alway be referred to an "only a friend". I chose to stay a nice guy. So I plan to sit back and just be friends with women, I know this means listen about how much a friends singificant other is a bastard who never listens and cheats etc. etc. This is a loss I have to deal with every day. Why do I do this you ask because i am a nice guy.

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There is nothing wrong with being a nice guy as long as you are assertive. There is a difference between being nice and standing you ground........and being nice and letting people treat you like a doormat.

 

 

I would marry a nice guy and give him as many kids as he wanted as long as he was nice, respectful and loved me. I would do anything I could for him. How you treat a person really counts.

 

I am a nice person. So, I understand. I use to get walked on then I stood my ground and saw the difference.

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Yes, I have heard this all before. I am assertive. I don't do anything I don't want to. When I say 'No' and I am quite firm. But still on luck. I still believes it comes down to the simple and plain fact, Women are attracted to bastards. I myself personally have given up on the whole 'love thing' all together. So to all you ladies out there have fun with your bastard of a singifiant other. And when you ask where are all the nice guys, well chances are they are under your nose and have given up.

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