Blew My Mind

[SilenThunder]

My girlfriend is outgoing, loves to have fun, she has had relationships... however they've never lasted long 2 years at the most until I came along.

 

She's very beautiful and has a wonderful personality and a HUGE social life which Is why I am stumped to think she hasn't had more boyfriends... She just seems like one of those girls who would at least know it all if nto from experience then from her friends.

 

But what really got me is out talk last night... We fool around a little bit, mostly dry-sex and heavy petting through the clothes... She wont really let me do anything more to do... So I talked to her about it...

 

She's out of highschool - she's never done anything past kissing with a guy... Ontop of that, she has never in her life masterbated nor had an orgasm.... So everything we've done together is new to her, and something she's never felt in her life... I was totally unaware of this.

 

She's approaches sexual fun as something "gross" or as something she just doesn't feel like doing. I respect that, but also believe half of the reason is because she is new to it all, I know how nervous I was when I first had fun with my first g/f.

 

I'd like to know, how I should be approaching this... I can continue to try stuff and see if she says yes or no... But there is also the me factor, handjobs are simple - but she said " no their gross" and of course she's never given one... Maybe doesn't even know how... But if i'm not getting head for a very long time, possibly never... Then a handjob would be nice lol.

 

Of coruse we aren't all about sexuality we have so much fun together but. This is one part of her I would like to somewhat educate a little better to the point where at least she'd know what she likes done to ehr or what she likes to do to me... ya know?

 

So what should I do?

 

Thank you

[Vert]

Silent,

My old ex-gf was this way, and she viewed any kind of sexuality by women as "wrong" even though she would have sex with my daily (sometimes initiated by her). She always wanted missionary and only did oral for about 5 seconds to get me lubed. After being with my now recent ex-gf who was a sexual tigress, I can say that most people can be taught to do things, but having that skill to know how to move and when to move is raw talent (ie they're born with it). Is she a good dancer? From my experience and those of others, girls that move well on the dance floor and are very fluid dancers have that inate ability during sex. Now, as for a "freak" then that's something they have to adjust to, and yes it does depend on their sexual partners, history, and mental viewpoint of sex.

[SilenThunder]

Yes she is a good dancer but we've agreed no sex till marriage so utill then it's all the other stuff that will be keeping us busy...

[RayKay]

Be careful of the girl whom thinks "sex is gross". This is not something that will be changed easily, and often not without professional help. Often times it is due to upbringing and socialization...and is very well ingrained in the psyche.

 

I was watching a show recently that had a woman who also thought sex was gross - she either cried during it or after, always felt ashamed and dirty, and would not have "fun" or reach sexual pleasure due to it. I wanted to scream at her fiance to run! Or at least read these forums to read the threads of those who did marry women like this, and what it is like years later.

 

Sex is not everything, but sexual compatibility is extremely important. I am afraid that you cannot convince her really to change her opinions. Since she is still relatively young, it is POSSIBLE that in time, and with trust, she will have a gradual "growth" in terms of her sexual self, but it is equally possible that this really is something more ingrained that will affect you both.

 

As I always say, its not just about the sex - its about the intimacy and the "play" that comes along with it. About the bonding with your partner, about what separates you from being "best friends" to being "life/romantic partners". In times of happiness, sex is an expression of joy, in times of sadness, it can be a salve. It's a way to please your partner, share yourself.

 

Only you can determine what choice you should make, whether the sexual compatibility is important or not. Personally, I think we can find someone whom we connect with on all levels, and there is no reason to settle or trade in some things for others, but you may feel differenty.

 

If you want to know the boundaries with her, why don't you talk to her more about it? It may be an eye-opening conversation, that may make you have to think some things through more, or it may even ease some worries....

[Vert]

Yes she is a good dancer but we've agreed no sex till marriage so utill then it's all the other stuff that will be keeping us busy...

 

What exactly, to you, is "all the other stuff"?

[Vert]

I agree completely with RayKay. If a woman is telling you NOW that "sex is gross" and she would only do it to have children (aka "Quaker style" then you really need to take off running if you can't deal with it even now. As RayKay said, it is something that is deep in her mind and you will not have an easy time breaking that seal much less if you ever do. I think that you can find someone that is compatible to you in that way.

[SilenThunder]

Sex is not everything, but sexual compatibility is extremely important. I am afraid that you cannot convince her really to change her opinions. Since she is still relatively young, it is POSSIBLE that in time, and with trust, she will have a gradual "growth" in terms of her sexual self, but it is equally possible that this really is something more ingrained that will affect you both.

 

That is how I have approached this... I believe that with some time - education on the matter and just simply talking about it with her that she may change her mind or at least want to try things out.

 

As I always say, its not just about the sex - its about the intimacy and the "play" that comes along with it.

 

And that is what has made us come together more-so and have this successfull relationship so far. We are able to express our love and feelings in ways that done involve sexual contact and such. We aren't very sexually compatable however, I am hoping that there will be a way around it... Or I will just be able to accept it and change myself yet remain happy...

 

What exactly, to you, is "all the other stuff"?

 

Oral sex, Handjobs, etc...

[Vert]

Ahhh I love this... "No sex till marriage, BUT we'll do everything short of sticking in in the money spot". Trust me, my friend, I too had this view of it, but oral, handjobs, etc. are definitely going to be a gateway to vaginal intercourse. Once you cross the line of intimacy into any form of sexual acts, you are already well on the road to everything else.

 

With that said, I find it interesting that she views sex as "gross" yet is willing to do oral, give you a handjob (I assume let you finger her in return), and what not. Most of the girls I know that viewed sex as something gross and nasty wouldn't even go near oral with a 10-foot pole no pun intended I think that if you are already saying you aren't compatible then you need to end this. If you are believing it now and she's going to be "boring" for you, then why wait longer and prolong pain?