Clingy men...

[northernlights]

Okay, more like one clingy man in my case.

 

I swear, I will never complain about not meeting any single guys after this! It's amazing how beautiful solitary, free time is until you don't have it anymore.

 

I don't know how it happned (it was fast, fast, fast!) but first I was hitting on a *very* good looking classmate of mine, then he was confessing his feelings for me, then he was calling me his girlfriend, and now he's the most needy boy I have ever met in my life.

 

I mean, I barely know the guy. We don't even speak the same primary language, so we communicate in mediocre Chinese to each other (since we're at a Chinese language summer school).And yet he keeps telling me "I love you" and then "do you love me?". And I just can't say it back, because I don't!

 

How can a guy love you when he barely knows you?!!

 

On top of that, he wants me to call him all the time to tell him where I am or who I'm hanging out with. He always wants to have lunch or dinner with me, when I just want to spend time with my friends. He complains that I don't return his phone calls or his SMS messages.

 

In short, he's driving me CRAZY. I skipped class today so that I wouldn't have to see him.

 

I'm not even attracted to him anymore. (the clingy/needy thing was a huge turn-off, especially since I am one of those introverts who likes to be alone or only with a really good friend most of the time) Yet, I just don't have the heart to tell him I don't want to be his "girlfriend". He actually said to me: "If you don't like me, tell me" but I couldn't! Ahhh!!!

 

In addition, I don't know how he would react if I "broke up" (I don't even know when we started "going out"!!!) with him. I really don't know him that well, so I don't know if rejection will make him violent or not. If he did get violent, I'd pretty much be screwed. He's a big, strong guy for sure, and it looks like he's gotten into fights before.

 

I know, I'm absolute crap when it comes to relationships. I've only ever had one boyfriend before and I go to an all girl's school, what can you expect?

 

I just want a guy I can flirt with and spend time with, but not have to report to every second of the day about where I am, or what I'm doing. If I liked the guy, I might be ready for being tied down, but right now the only thing I like about him is his physical appearance!

 

So yes, this is a cry for HELP for some sort of advice! I can't ask anyone I know here, because I'm too embarrased to tell my friends that I somehow became this guy's "girlfriend".

[annie24]

Ah. Look what happens when you get what you wished for

 

Ok, you could just tell him flat out that you don't like him. But, I think it may be easier if you try to let him down easy... like tell him that you have asked your parents permission, and they are not allowing you to have a boyfriend (because you are a very traditional girl), and that you are very very sorry, but cannot disobey your parents.

 

He'll try to say no, we can hide, or introduce me to your parents, but you will just have to be "firm" and say, "No, I am sorry, I asked my father, and his word is final."

 

And by the way, yes, I did use this excuse once when I was 20 It worked.... eventually. He kept calling, but I never answered.... eventually he gave up.

 

I hope yours does too!

[DN]

The only problem with Annie's idea is that you may meet another guy that you like and he will know you lied. If you are unlikely to see him again after summer school then that might work.

 

Why not just tell him the truth - it isn't working for you and you would rather not see him again. Be polite and make it as pleasant as possible but firm and let him know you will not change your mind.

[suprema99]

I agree with that. You need to say it straight up how you feel. If you seriously don't like this guy. This type of guy sounds like he wont leave you alone unless he knows your really not intrested. Hopefully you'll get out of it, and won't have a stalker on your hands in the future. Goodluck

[MetallicAguy]

He actually said to me: "If you don't like me, tell me"

It's not very hard. Just tell him "I don't have the same feelings for you." in a decent tone (no attitude) then he'll leave you alone.

[randy]

lol it' s funny what clingy and needy can do . . .

 

Is best just to be honest with him . Just come stright out and say you're not interested . If you're affraid that he'll get violent, then tell him this around people . i.e at the cafeteria or some place public .

[northernlights]

lol it' s funny what clingy and needy can do . . .

 

You said it right! I'm a happily solitary person (I love my internet and my gaming console and shopping by myself, etc.) so having a clingy/needy guy suddenly demanding to know where I am every second of the day is a huge turn off. It's pretty depressing, because apart from the language barrier and the needy-ness, he's what a lot of people would call the "perfect catch". I just don't feel anything for this guy anymore though. I look at him and think "he's hot" but beyond that, the attraction is gone.

 

I'm such a wimp though. I've been trying to take all of your advice and tell him I'm not interested, but I just can't! I keep responding to his text messages and phone calls and meeting up with him (and making out with him under obligation...AHH!!!) because I don't know how to tell him "no!". I've never had to reject any guy before actually. I always do the whole avoidance thing, which is easy enough when I'm in my all girls college, but at this summer school he's my classmate so it's not so easy.

 

And of course, I always keep thinking "maybe I should give him another chance, because he really is a great catch". I try to force myself to be attracted to him, but I can't! And now that he's told all his friends that I'm his girlfriend (which I still haven't agreed to yet, but I never disagreed, so he assumed it was okay...), I'll be labeled the b**ch of all b**ches if I "dump" him just three days after going out.

 

Heh, it really sucks when I've been wanting a guy for so long, finally get the perfect one who is crazy about me, and just can't make myself like him back. My karma must be whacked.

[annie24]

well..... you have to tell him. Either that, or keep going out with the guy. I do think you should take him somewhere public. Tell him you don't like him romantically. Tell him that there are probably 50 other girls that would love to go out with him, but you're just not one of them. Chances are that he'll agree with this statement, and leave you alone.

 

good luck

[northernlights]

Thank you everyone for all your advice! I sat down with him last night and told him that I think two weeks (which is all we have left in this summer school) is way too short for me to start a relationship, and that we should just be friends, blah blah. He took it pretty well and now I have a HUGE load off my chest. Makes me wonder why I was so chicken to tell him sooner. Heh!

 

So yayy I'm free as a bird, and single again. And actually thankful to be single.

[annie24]

Good. I'm glad it worked out well for you!