No sex.....

[beachieca]

I'm not too sure on how to start this...but here it goes! My boyfriend and i have been together for almost a year and have recently decided to stop having sex...well pretty much HE has decided to stop having sex. There have been a few times in which we both thought i was pregnant etc...but it always turned out that i wasn't. Both of us have huge plans ahead of us and a child wouldn't necesarilly "ruin" it, but it would definitely be a set back and a child isn't something that we want right now.

Anyway, i know that there are ways to avoid a pregnancy, however, due to our religious beliefs (Catholicism and Christianity) he, more so than me, doesn't think it is right to have sex before marriage and wants to stop having sex all together. He was definitely not a virgin before he met me and either was I....but that's a whole different story. I'm just really frustrated...i mean, i know that the decision we've made is the right thing to do, but i find it so difficult to just stop having sex with him! I mean, he's great in bed and we have a very very healthy sex life. At first i thought that he just didn't want to sleep with me anymore, or something personal...but i'm convinced after talking to him about numerous times, that that's not the case. (We'd gone through this before and even after swaring we wouldn't have sex anymore...still did). Anyway a little less than a week ago i was kissing on him and stuff and he was like "babe, i'm tired, lets just go to sleep" and i took offense to that....at first i didn't say anything but i guess he could tell i was a little upset. So we kinda got into a little argument and he was like "i don't think we should have sex..." and i was like "okay, not even messing around at all?" and he said "i think we've proven that we can't just mess around...it always leads to sex, and it's not that i don't want to do anything with you because i would love to...but we need to be responsible and not take any risks." I know that it makes sense and he's just trying to be mature about it, but it's so hard for me! Then the argument just got crazy and he snapped at me and said "geezzz,you're worse than a guy!" At that point i was just pissed and went to sleep...i don't know....not even sure why i posted all of this, i guess i just wanted to let out all of my "sexual frustration" ha ha jk. Any advice or opinions would be great...thanks!

[chai714]

When people cite religion as their reason to do or NOT to do something, it's difficult to try to change their beliefs. The easy (but difficult) thing to do, is respect his decision because it's his religious beliefs. Even though you two were sexually active before, he's still using religion as a source to justify his decision. You have a couple of choices here: you can either try to change his beliefs on sex, respect his decision, or find someone who shares your values. None are easy choices, but it's your life and ultimately you are responsible for your own happiness. Good luck.

[Cadence308]

Are you on birth control? Have you thought about being responsible in that regard? That would definitely take the stress out of worrying about if you are pregnant or not and contraceptives are more effective than the pulling out method.

 

Since you two have obviously already had sex on multiple occasions and it seems you are mature enough and care about each other, I don't see what the problem is. Is it because of religion that you two think you shouldn't be having sex? It sounds like deciding not to have sex is negatively affecting your relationship since it's already at that level.

[Strandysmommy]

I know it's hard to not have sex once you've started! My boyfriend and I have tried to, um, keep it under control, if you will...didn't work too well. I think he's looking out for both of your wellbeings. Yeah he sort of touched on religion as a reason, but think of it like this: what would you do if you got pregnant? What are your feelings regarding abortion or adoption? Do you think you could easily have an abortion? Do you think you could carry a baby and go through all the physiological things that accompany it only to give it up to complete strangers? Do you in your current school/job situation have the means to be parents? Would you get married?

 

It's scary to think of those things, and maybe your boyfriend realizes that rather than getting in over his head and taking on a HUGE commitment like parenthood, he's going to wait till he's ready. I guess my philosophy is that if you're smart enough and mature enough to have sex, then you're going to have to be willing to reap what you sew....so to speak I guess. My boyfriend and I talked it over and we had to make some commitments and come to some agreements in that regard too. (If I get pregnant, we get married...certainly not the most romantic proposal albeit).

 

On the upside...there's always self service; vibrators, your own fingers etc. It's going to take some time, but as long as he's still there for you and not becoming distant and aloof (like he would be if he were fooling around behind your back) you just might have to take a deep breath and ...well lean on each other.

[beachieca]

Yes, i know how hard it is to keep it under control...ha ha it NEVER works...maybe once out of the many times. have we had the control to stop at a certain point but generally it doesn't work. I have a feeling that this time is it though...no more sex or messing aound...*sigh* it's so hard. I mean, i know that there are other things i can do to be "satisfied" or whatever, but of course it just isn't the same. I love him and i want to be with him like that, but it just frustrates me. I know that he's just watching out for both of us and i respect that...a lot of guys think very differently. It's nice to know that i'm not the ONLY one who's relationship goes through this same sort of thing. The good thing is that our relationship hasn't changed for the worse because of it...if anything, i think it's somewhat comforting to know that we can have a healthy, happy relationship w/out sex. Anyway, thanks for your responses!

[SlipperySammy]

There are girls who like to have sex? Are you telling me that you are a girl and you are having trouble going with out sex?

[Shinobie]

Ya if u truly love this guy you would accept his new found judgement on this aspect of your relationship.It sounds like u do tho so thats good.JUst think of how there has been a time in your life where u havent had sex and just try to think u can go without it.

[beachieca]

Am i the only girl out there who likes to and enjoys having sex?! I can go w/out it, i'm not that bad, but i mean.. come on...

[DarknHandsome]

well i guess marry him and you can have all the sex you want

[beachieca]

ha ha yeah....thats the idea