Help... this is such a mess...

[jillybean]

i had this as a reply within another conversation.... but i need some serious advice.. so let's make it a new topic...

 

i just joined this site today... i was looking for help and running out of places to go... so came online for the first time in AGES.

i'm attempting to get over a crush... a friend, a BEST friend...

yay...

 

i've liked him since... february i guess.

and that's when i first told him!

it was 2 weeks after breaking up with my last real boyfriend.. and my feelings for the guy were quite new. and i'd never been anything but 100% honest all the time we'd been friends, so i came clean.

and... he laughed at me!

i couldn't believe it.

then he explained - told me it was just that i was apparently "on the rebound". he said by tomorrow i'd've forgotten all about it.

he also said.. he'd thought about me in that way before.

 

but by "tomorrow" HE'D forgotten all about it. i guess he assumed he'd been right. he never mentioned it again.

 

what did he mean he'd thought about it before? what'd put him off then? what happened?? why didn't he say anything? what did i do wrong? did he label me as a "friend", rubber-stamping it as permanent??

(guys can do that too!)

 

i know he finds me attractive.. he's said so. but in a way that had about as much interest behind it as it does when my GIRLfriends say i look good.

 

i may not be as confident as i lead people to believe, but i know i'm not ugly, and i have a life. and plenty of offers from other guys, but i never want relationships..

i'll see a guy once... twice maybe.. then never wanna hear from him again.

or a cute guy'll ask for my number, and i'll give it to him, then ignore his calls or messages. it's weird.

 

this guy.. he's younger than me. just a little. but he's.. well he's just great. i never clicked with anyone like i did with him. not any guys anyway. i've gotten as close to him as to any of my other friends. he's always there for me when i need him, he looks out for me.. he's reliable, sweet, loyal, trustworthy and funny and he'd do anything i asked of him and i'd do anything for him.

ever since we first started being friends we've jokingly flirted with each other. never meant a thing. and it's lucky cos rather than having to supress my natural must-flirt instinct, there's hardly a change at all.

except that i have very different thoughts in my head when he blows a kiss at me or picks me up or play-wrestles me than i used to..

 

i'm in limbo! the only way to kill a crush is to cut contact, right? but he's too good a friend to lose!

i could tell him how i feel, but last time i was very very lucky not to completely destroy my most valuable friendship, and lightning doesn't strike twice - it won't happen that way again. it won't just be forgotten about!

i'll lose him.

either way.

 

it kills me being so dishonest with him.

i haven't been telling him much recently.. it's gotten too hard. because whenever i call him or meet up with him alone, he talks about his.. problem...

you'll never guess what it is..

a persistent, all-consuming crush on ANOTHER female friend of his. the lovely sarah. ha!

and, seeing as he's my best friend,

i sit.

i listen.

i "mm" and "ah" and nod and sigh in all the right places..

i tell him i know EXACTLY how he feels.. advise him as best i can. i'm there for him like i've always been.

and it's about as much fun as having needles pushed up under my toenails.

 

so what do i do? continue living like i have for the past 6 months, being miserable and hoping it'll go away?

go for it? again.. and hope at the very least that when he gets over sarah he might think about me..?

or... ditch him?

 

if anyone has any ideas, or has ever come out of a similar situation alive, i'd love to hear it..

[DN]

When you told him the first time he may he shrugged it off because,as he said, you were on the rebound. Now that you have had time not to be on the rebound he may reconsider. Why don't you talk to him again. Be a little discreet though.

[jillybean]

thanks for posting.

anyway..

yeah... i don't know. i mean... it COULD go really really well.. he could miraculously decide he likes me, that he'd just overlooked me, blah blah..

but how likely is that? how likely is the BEST case scenario?

it's either one possible fantastic outcome, or several hundred possible bad ones.. and with such crummy odds.. is it worth it at all?

[DN]

Is it worth not taking the chance? Nothing ventured - nothing gained. Cliché but true nonetheless.

[jillybean]

i can't believe i said that myself.. that's not me! i'm the first to go rushing into something regardless of the consequences.. i'm - USUALLY - far too impatient to wait around, and i've always been dangerously impulsive. i like things better that way.

it was impulse last time i told him - in the middle of a completely normal conversation!

i always say to myself how much more i'll regret NOT taking the chance - and i've done some pretty stupid things, but i've always been happier with my decision because i didn't just watch an opportunity go by!

 

i dunno what's different this time. i'm putting it off again and again and overthinking the whole thing... this isn't like me.

yer right. next time i see him, if i feel the same (which i obviously will..) then i'll go for it.

thanks. that little "cliché" really helped knock some sense into me...