no reason left, why not now

[dpressedone89]

I decided a while ago that i would kill myself, in a day or ten years i wanted to die on my own terms.Lately Im thinking its going to be much sooner than i thought.I cut tonight for the first time in 8(?) months i think,worse than i ever have before, well not counting past suicide attempts.Work today stressed me out to the point i was throwing up and crying when i got home. Recently I've been waking up in tears because i dream of people who i love whos lives ive ruined with my existence. The more i think about my life the more I notice I am nothing btu a burden to anyone I love and care about.The one person I still care about is I dont even know how far away. I dont know what to do, Ive lost everything that keeps me living . any advice?

-stitches

[Helpme86]

The one person I still care about is I dont even know how far away.

She is a damn good reason why to keep on living.

[dpressedone89]

i know, shes the reason im posting on it, not acting on it

[MetallicAguy]

That's your negativity getting to you, you need some positivity. I'd stick with listening to a Contemporary Christian radio station if you have one in your area before you go to bed, that way your more relaxed and less likely to have night terrors. Or smooth jazz if your atheist or agnostic. Cutting is really bad man, mostly mentally because, when you cut your just showing yourself that you have no respect for yourself and that's not really good at all = **** feelings. And when you cut it's usually because of extreme stress and problems (usually depression) so your cutting yourself, your emotions are already gone to ****, on top of it your adding pain and something that isn't going to solve anything and physical damage/embarrassing scars.

 

It's just like people that think cigarettes make them feel relaxed. It's actually doesn't, there is a chemical in cigarettes that actually makes you feel tense, getting all tensed up on a cigarette and damaging your lungs every inhalation.

 

What I'm saying: It's all damage that doesn't solve anything.

 

 

Suicide is damage that doesn't solve anything and creates pain for your family and people who care about you.

 

(I don't really believe in those dreams that are like yours, simply because it's all full of **** and the stress you have on yourself from work and school is what's causing it, it's not like some sort of weird channeling psychic thing.)

[Helpme86]

i know, shes the reason im posting on it, not acting on it

Well its good you are not acting on it. Just as a suggestion* you work at a gym, go bust your balls when you feel down. It helps me.

[dpressedone89]

Well the dreams arent like the kind to tell you whats going to happen, its im asleep but there real memories of things that actually did happen, its like im paralysed and traped in the dream. I know cutting only causes harm. And I am aware that suicide would only hurt those who car about me, If anyone still does, i sont want to hurt them i just want my sufferinng to end. I agree it is work and school causing most of my stress but there isnt really anything i can do about it

-stitches

[MetallicAguy]

There is something you can do about it, you have to find that inner-strength inside of you and use it, you sound like your easily defeated by negativity and your mentally weak on that term. You have to defeat negativity or it will defeat you. Period. I used to be depressed, then I found my inner-strength in myself and basically defeated depression, no drugs or anything like that.

 

What helps when your depressed is to pray. It does, if you aren't into God, then you don't have to do it a great alternative would be to write your emotions out on paper. It's the best thing next to seeing a psychologist about your problems. In fact if you have the $ seeing a counselor might be a good thing to do. But I don't think it's going to really help all that much, it's not really much more than something praying can do for you, I think it's all those emotions chemically reacting. At our age we have all these hormones and chemicals raging were still growing, etc. On top of this we have stress some people more than others, sometimes it gets to people for various reasons and we breakdown and we need some "down-time".

 

All a psychologist is going to do is going to ask you questions make you feel relaxed and diagnose you with something then forward you to a doctor who will most likely diagnose you with depression and you just wasted a ton of $ and your taking a anti-depressant that is doing more harm than help.

 

In the end it's pretty much like the old-fashioned saying "It's life, deal with it." (Didn't mean to be so harsh there but it's kind of true....and sometimes that saying does more positive things than it does negative )

[Kurodashi]

Why do you want to kill yourself specifically? Did people treat you badly or say bad things to you? If something triggered it, maybe you should express it here and people can try and help you through those issues at the core of your sadness.

 

I've been there before, I was one year older than you, and I actually found bliss and comfort in cutting myself, until scars and questions reared their ugly heads.

 

No one, no thing is EVER worth death. You especially, you seem like a sensitive and open individual. The fact that you can be courageous enough to ask for advice shows the sincerity of your actions and ability to express yourself in a way that most people I have found can't.

 

I'm extremely relieved you came here, and even got your feelings off your chest, it's the first step to healing. And yes, this is your journey. Wether you see it or not, you are on a journey to be healed of all this suffering and pain you're going through.

 

It may be months, it may be years; but if you hang in there through the storm, the sun rising over the storm clouds is the most beautiful it will ever be. I guess what I am trying to say, is these momments of horrid darkness are only hear to give us the greatest of appreciation for the happy times in our lives.

 

They will arrive. Be strong, I have the upmost amount of faith in your ability to do this.

 

If you EVER need to talk, feel free to email me or PM me and Il try my best to help you through this hard time youre going through.

 

Its only when things are at their worst that you realise they can only get better. You are no burdon, youre a open hearted, sincere and expressive blessing.

[dpressedone89]

I want to kill myslef because i have for as long as i can remember it was a past decision. now that my life is starting to suck, alot i think it might be good timing. but I know i wont die, i never have, 9 failed attempts. i just hate my job, i hate my family, i hate my life, the only thing i love is one special girl, and she is worth the wait to be with, but it is hard to hold on to life when my savior is so far out of reach for the moment. I just hope i dont give in

-stitches

[EmptySoul]

Stitches,

I don't really know what to say. I've known for a long time that I want to die on my own terms too. I'm wanting to wait until I'm 22, but sometimes it is oh so very hard. I don't think anyone should have to go alone...I remember talking about it a long time ago, going together instead of being alone. I wish you the best of luck with that girl you care about and I hope you keep pming me or write me bc you're great. I'll talk to you as soon as I can.

 

Empty