Boyfriend on Scholarship to USA - PLEASE HELP!!!

[trace123]

I have been seeing my boyfriend for one and a half years now. We see each other everyday and spend alot of time together. I don't believe in soul mates but Scott certainly has become my best friend and we have grown very close. As we are both ambitious, scott is going to America to do a scholarship in golf. I live in Scotland and will be staying here for University. Scott will be gone for 4 years in total but generally for 4 months at a time, coming home in the summer months for 2 months. We will still see each other at Christmas, but I am so scared that even though we will talk alot that we will grow apart. I am so worried about this that it is beginning to effect my life and my ambitions. I would like to believe that everything will work out but I judt don't like thinking of my life without him and am finding it hard to cope.

It's not as though I can visit him, as he is on a strict regime and I wouldn't want to get in the way of that. I can't really afford to go either and there are no direct flights!!

His family are very supportive of me but I feel as though no1 takes us seriously. We are both only 18 but I truly believe I have found the person I want to be with for the rest of my life and I am so scared of losing him!

Is anyone in the same position as me? I would really appreciate your advice on the issue! Whether good or bad news! I am drowning in my own doubt! I need your help.

[Jinx]

University is one of those times that tests both friendship and relationships. I'm in the US, and after graduation everyone scattered to different states or to the lesser degree, different cities in this state. It is hard enough trying to keep up contact with those just in the states, and same state, much less countries apart.

 

There was a particular individual I had known for awhile, though we weren't in a relationship, very close and we kept contact standards that might as well of been for a LDR. We are at different colleges currently and contact is a pain to maintain with our schedules, in school and out. I have a well loaded schedule which is going to keep me on my toes I presume, as does theirs or even more so possibly. Everyone comes home at four month intervals for four years as you said he will be doing. I am hoping to spend time over the Holidays but with life who knows what will happen.

 

It is one of those cases where I'd love to pursue a relationship, but it is so difficult. You have to put that much more time, money and effort into LDR's. Whether it is drives/flights, phone bills, or meet ups of one sort or another. Secondly, in a lot of situations illustrating the cold cruel reality of life, a person can become lonely being away from their gf or bf and seek something closer as holding a phone isn't like another right there, so it doesn't work out that way. Thirdly, some people grow out of the similar interests and hobbies once held and there isn't the same connection anymore even if contact is kept.

 

Outside of the dark aspects, there are some success stories I've heard, people going through University years and Jobs overseas for a good deal of time then coming home all those years later to retain a loving relationship with the partner left at home. My idea is, life proceeds exactly as it should in the end results. If you two are truly that connected and meant, things will work out in the end. University won't mean the end for either cases, mine or yours. For right now, the most that can be done and what I do - Support and help the other along. If they choose to go elsewhere despite all the help and word we give them from such a distance, what can truly be done? If they stay, it is probably meant.

 

I'm trying to give both outlooks. I'm not trying to say it isn't worth trying, no of course not. If it wasn't worth trying then those couples that have had such University LDR's and still together after wouldn't exist right now. I'm just saying from my observations you two have to both maintain 50/50 relationship work, want it to work, and keep it up and do the most you can from a distance, despite the so little it can seem at times. Show you care and the interest is there. All one can do is try their best and see what happens.

[trace123]

Glad you can be so positive but I think its harder than that!

Are u in a long distance relationship?

Scott and I would not otherwise grow apart - were it not for him going to america! Why should distance change that?

[ggoman]

Hi Trace123,

 

 

I just want to try to give you my perspective on this...

 

When I graduated high school, I was dating a girl who was attending college about 100 miles away (seems like nothing compared to what you're facing, but still...). I was attending a university that put me roughly the same distance away as I was before I left for college. The summer before I attended college, I became severely depressed. I didn't have a car to see her, and she was on the volleyball team, which played their matches on the weekends. This meant that I was going to see her very little, and I felt like I couldn't deal with it. Like you, I thought she was my soul mate.

 

What happened you ask? We broke up, I'm sorry to say. Now I think that

Jinx wrote a very good reply to your problem, and I don't want to repeat too much of what was said. What I want to add to your most recent post is that it is maybe not so much the distance that is likely to change how close you are, but the new life experiences that you both will have. Of course, you very well may be "soul mates" and end up together happily ever after. I had a friend who married her sweetheart and they lived on different continents during the entire course of the relationship. *But* at least one of you is likely to change quite a bit from the drastically new life experiences coming your way. That is precisely what happened between me and my ex. Of course that is not to say that it will cause you to lose interest in each other... but people do quite often change a lot in college as well as meet a diverse group of new people. Sometimes this change makes a once happy couple very incompatible.

 

I don't see any reason not to try to stay close to him, as long as it doesn't negatively impact your growth as a college student (both academic and social). But unfortunately only time will tell if you are truly meant to be together. Good luck to you. Believe me, I do understand how hard this is,

and I'm only trying to be honest and direct, not unneccessarily negative.