Long term relationship ended, want to make a plan to reunite

[jigsaw]

Hello, I've been reading this forum and decided that I would put my story out on the table.

 

Story: I will try to be concise and keep this short..

 

I've been in a relationship with a girl for about 8 years. We recently split, and now she is seeing another guy. We've been together since we were about 17 years old, and this was the first real relationship for both of us.

 

At the point that the relationship ended I was battling and recovering from a lot of personal challenges, as most people do in their mid 20's. I was not aware of my negligence for her and her interests, and to put it simply she determined that I was not interested in her. She coped in silence and decided to move on. She still cares about me, and cherishes what we had, but the recent year has not been the greatest reflection of my true feelings for her.

 

We broke about two weeks ago, we've talked three times, all at my effort... The converstaions began excellent, laughing and everything. But slowly we start to talk about the relationship, and it became a debate where neither of us were listening to what the other was saying (never yelling, we've never had a fight!) It was admitedley painful for both of us.

 

In the meantime I have gone into overdrive taking care of myself, I have been working out, eating right, and doing lots of great things that I could never get myself to do over the last year. I feel good about myself. hindsight is 20/20, and I believe that I will learn how to participate in a happy relationship with her once again, if she is ever ready.

 

So here is my question for you all:

 

She is self conscious, and hardly indicated that anything was wrong, and her main issue seems to be my lack of attention to her.. So, is No contact really the answer? Or should I show her that I am truly interested in her and her endeavors? How do I go about doing that?

 

The odds are high that she won't break "No Contact", because she has never been very good at reaching out to people.

 

 

Thank you for reading this, I appreciate any responses.

 

edited for length.

[heloladies21]

Well friend, I think you're missing something big here. You two broke up 2 weeks ago and she's immediately seeing someone new? This should set off some kind of big red flag which says "this chick never really cared about me at all". Most likely something was going on behind your back before you two broke anyways, but in any case she has a new man so it's a dead issue.

 

You don't owe her any level of kindness cause you've been disrespected in the worst way. Don't go on the dinner, don't call her ever again, do No Contact even if you see her, and never talk to her again.

 

Keep yourself busy with your things and most definitely start talking to other chicks. Force yourself if you have to. There's better out there for you buddy

[NJRon]

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but it seems like you may be going into "overdrive" only to win her back. When it doesn't work, you'll become even more depressed if you aren't doing it for *yourself*.

 

Two weeks is no time at all... go NC like heloladies said. Also, either she was in an affair or is haviong a seriously fast rebound. The best thing for you is focus on you and write her off. If, down the road, something happens... great. But not now.

 

Two weeks of working on yourself after a year of depression won't accomplish anything. She won't believe it. You trying to show her will make you look desperate. Work on yourself because you realize that it is the right thing to do. The right woman will come along later... but now's not the time for *any* women in your life.

[jigsaw]

I'm going into "overdrive" because there is no better time to do it! It is something I've been wanting to do, and it takes my mind off the situation.

 

You are right, two weeks is no time at all, but the relationship has been cooling down for quite awhile. I know that there was no affair.

 

You are also correct about two weeks being nothing for self improvment, and I don't want to look desperate. As I said, I'm patient. If it works out later great, if it doesn't I will be a stronger person anyways.

 

I guess that my main concern is the concept of NC, which at this point seems best for me. Does it work in all cases?

[NJRon]

No one can predict the future.. so no, can;t say it works in all cases. However, when you are in a toxic relationship, which you are, it makes sense for 2 reasons.

 

1) It forces you to make sure you are doing the things that are right for *you*... and not some hidden ulterior motive you have in the back of you head.

 

2) It allows the other person the opportunity to miss you. If they don't miss you, then they have no reason to want to reconcile at all.

 

Not sayig it will work in the sense that you will get back together... but I will say that it will work in the sens ethat you will be a stronger person and be in control of your own actions.

 

Hope that helps.