Hard situation to deal with!

[Love_sucks]

Well this is going to be a long story....

Well I met this chick about 7 months ago and we started to have a secret friend with benifits relationship it was mostly like a have a few drinks and do it kinda circumstance... She is going though a divorce and has 2 kids 1 is 9 and the other is 3... she is 23 (almost 24) and i am 19 we started out as a no strings attached thing and it still is to some extent but now I really believe I am in love with her and I do believe she is in love with me cause we say that we love each other at times but I'm not sure if its full blown love I mean we miss each other alot when were away for more than like a day...... the big thing is my age that is pretty much the ONLY reason we are not together. She said it would be to weird to have public affection and that her friends would make fun of her but I honestly dont think they would make fun of her all that much cause I have hung out with em a few times...... but neways the past 2-2 1/2 months is when it got weird the 1st like 4 1/2-5 months it was like have a few drinks and have sex then we started to you know kiss everytime I come there and everytime I leave and she likes me alot.... but now her husband wants to get back with her (they have been separated for like 1 year now) but she dosn't love him nemore plus she dosn't wana lose me she said.... Her husband gets extremely mad when I spend the night and she used to be like u cant sleep here tonight cause my husband is going to be here at 6 in the morning droppin the kid off but now she dosn't care as much... I spend alot of nights over there expesially latly and her husband spends some nights there but she says she cant stand it when hes there and I'm not but she cant tell him that and cant tell him when she doesn't want him to spend the night and when he does I have such a crappy day at work all nervous and crap and I cant sleep at night and its making me have emotional problems hardcore she knows how I feel and she feels the same way I just dont get why she cant just go out with me... who cars if I am 19 and shes almost 24 we (I believe) love each other. I also told her if she ever had sex with her husband again that me and her would no longer together like the way we are..... but she does not want things between me and her to stop... her husband would probally tell me the next time he had sex with her cause he wants me and her to be called off so hes in the game.... but he kinda is in the game cause they have a kid together... I just cant stand her husband spending the night cause they sleep in the same bed but dont have sex it just bugs the crap out of me and it almost wants me to call things off between her cause of that.... when I talk about other women she gets all emotional and crappy feeling just like I do when she talks about other guys..... this is not put together very well alot of skipping around and I am extremely tired but hopefully someone can put together the point of this entire thing lol..... The question I am asking is what should I do cause we are getting deeper and deeper and she dosn't wana lose me but wont go out with me I am confused here I just wana lay it out on the table and be like Its all or nothing girl either its all or I walk out that door and will never see you again she always says I dunno or i'm not sure she has been telling me and her husband (soon to be x) for like the last 3 weeks i'm not sure were getting pretty messed up over it.... WHAT SHOULD I DO? I cant handle this nemore and dunno if I can totally leave her at all....

[OceanEyes]

She is going though a divorce and has 2 kids 1 is 9 and the other is 3... she is 23 (almost 24) and i am 19

 

Are you sure about the age LS? Did she really have a baby at 14 years old?

 

If her husband is still in the picture, you're asking for trouble. They are still married, right? Bad idea, and very bad karma.

 

I have a question: Why would a 19 year old guy like yourself want to take on a married girl with two kids? Not only that, but a girl who doesn't seem to really know what she wants? I know the obvious answer: "because we have a connection". But what I'm thinking, is that you knew the deal when you started things with her, right?

 

I hate to say it, but things don't look very promising at this point. Look at the key points of your post:

 

She said it would be to weird to have public affection and that her friends would make fun of her

 

Didn't that hurt your feelings? I mean come on, OUCH! If she really cared about you, she wouldn't give a second thought to ridicule from her friends. Plus, how can a woman who has raised two kids already by the age of 23 be so immature that she says something like this?

 

her husband spends some nights there

 

Why would her husband stay at her place? There isn't really a reason for it unless there is still something there between them (or if he's still financially supporting her).

 

when he does I have such a crappy day at work all nervous and crap and I cant sleep at night and its making me have emotional problems hardcore she knows how I feel and she feels the same way I just dont get why she cant just go out with me.

 

It's not that she "can't", it's that she doesn't want to. That may sound harsh, but you seem to be in over your head. She's still married with two kids, and you're 19 years old. I guess you don't see the compatibility issue here?

[Cadence308]

I have to agree that you seem like you are in over your head. You are 19 yrs old with no kids and this woman is still married with 2 kids. Do you really want all of that baggage?

 

It sounds like she wants her cake and to eat it too. She has her reasons for not leaving her husband, but it sounds like there's still something there with him. Maybe he is just financially supporting her, but the fact that he still stays the night there, implies more. If she's in a loveless marriage and stays in it for financial reasons then I think that says something about her.

 

But, it sounds like she enjoys her sex with you and the attention that you give her, so she keeps stringing you along.

 

Maybe you should consider spending some time apart from this girl and that will give you time to think about what "YOU" really want and need in your life.