Difficulty Opening Up

[La_Spada]

Alright. Here goes nothing.

 

I'm not very open and I don't trust many people. I'm very outgoing, but there is a certain line I draw. I don't like to reveal much about what's going inside. I honestly don't know why. Hasn't really bothered me until recently.

 

Recently, I've met this girl. Friend of mine's sister. She's great to be with. I love her smile, her eyes and just spending time with her. She's got that gaze, really captavating, like your glancing into each other's souls. She is also really open. Works out well, because I'm a good listener.

 

She's been on and off with her 'boyfriend'. I think they're off currently. He seems like a decent guy, but has his issues that should be addressed, but that's a different story.

 

We've spent the past couple of nights together. It's been great. I feel more alive, but yet I feel wounded. A void, mostly when I'm not around her. I doubt this emotional wound was recently made but has been there for awhile from past experiences. I feel it has something to do with my difficulty in opening up. I have no problem flirting, but when it comes to opening the vault.

 

She has expressed that she has feelings for me. I replied saying I also had feelings for her, but.... I feel I have disappointed her with my lack of surface emotional expression.

 

Here's the issue. I'm too damn uptight. I feel like I can't shake it. I feel like I can't express what's going on inside. Like I said above. I've this problem with trust. For the most part, I don't trust people. I've only had a few bad experiences but, honestly why am I like this? This is tearing me up inside. Why can't I express how I feel? Losing sleep over this come on. Help me. Please.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

Wow that was a deep post.

 

I sometimes have the same problem and didn't realize it until I had a bf who was persistent enough to help me realize it.

 

In your life, have the people whom you have trusted or whom were supposed to love you unconditionally broken your trust or betrayed you? This can really mess with your ability to open up and trust others. Especially if it is your parents. That is what happened to me. The people whom were supposed to love me unconditionally didn't take care of me which translated to a sense of worthlessness. And when you feel like you're not worthy of love, you don't trust anyone to love you because why would they? See what I am saying?

 

You may want to delve deep and figure it out. Then, make a conscious decision to not that affect you. It's a decision you'll have to affirm daily, and you'll need to be conscious that you have that tendency and then try to act against it.

 

Wishing you luck!

[BillyJean714]

If you are truly uptight, she probably wouldn't express her feelings towards you. I find that most of the times, girls are REALLLY turned off by uptight guys (I.E. obnoxious, always having to prove something, always gotta be right, perfectionist type of attitudes). We tend to not even want to hang out with them. Uptight people are just simply not enjoyable, so I wouldn't say that you are uptight. Maybe you're being a little too hard on yourself.

 

If you want to open up to her, it's going to take some time. There's no way to force it. I think that when two people really bond, opening up isn't going to be as hard. That bond may take a while to develop because if both people are somewhat shy around each other it's not going to be easy to completely open up.

 

Enjoy the time you spend with her, that in itself will allow you to feel more and more at ease. Let it happen naturally. Trying too hard will also not look good. So just be yourself, and things will work out fine.

[jillybean]

i never in my life found it easy to trust people.

the very rare times when i try to "open up", when i bring myself to be honest with a person, it seems to blow up in my face and i just became more resigned than ever to keeping it to myself.

 

there's nothing wrong with holding a little back.

people say "aw my best friend and i know EVERYTHING about each other"

 

bull!

 

they'll never know EVERYTHING. and maybe it's better that way. there are some things that go on in the back of peoples' minds that should stay there.

 

as for expressing what's going on inside..

i think that's just how you're made up.

take me for example, in comparison to a friend of mine..

she can talk and talk and talk and talk, is never stuck for words. ya ask her how she is, she can transfer exactly what she's feeling and what's in her head into words effortlessly. she can talk for 20 minutes without a break. it just flows.

i don't know how she does it.

i can't.

someone asks what's on my mind i cringe.. argh.. i don't know! a LOT. i get so tongue tied and eventually mumble something about just being "tired" and change the subject.

it's mostly nerves at opening up again. because the results been equally bad every time i've tried, so it's scary. even now that i've friends i know i SHOULD trust, i can't.

 

i can't get the thoughts into words.

but what works for me is flow writing. it helps me get my head straight, (without confusing the crap outta someone else in the process) #

and it helps get stuff off my chest.

it's where you just start writing everything you think of. or typing? and just see what comes out. you've to try not to concentrate, just let yourself ramble pointlessly.

 

sometimes i'll even write letters to people, but not send them. or if they're emails, send'm to myself. see how they look. getting a different perspective on your thoughts makes it easier to work'm out.

when you're writing.. it all slows down. the million thoughts coming at ya at once seem to get into an orderly line..

it's easier to see what you're thinking, to see what you're feeling, maybe work out what's behind it.

 

i used to freak out about it, like you're doing. it drove me crazy - nothing frustrated me more than when someone (my ex especially) would tell me something he'd never told anyone, talk for hours about it, then look at me for a response and all i could think to say was "oh." or something retarded.

i'd often have something in my head - if i could've only said it! i WOULD've been able to relate, have had something similar in my life that i could've told him, advice that i could've offered, something. but i couldn't trust him! even though he blatantly trusted me.

we were so close. we even survived a break up and remained (after a little two month break from each others company) best friends.

but as close as we were, it was still a long time before i could talk to him.

 

i was willing to try anything - so i started writing and the more i did it, the easier it became to talk. because i got better at slowing down, psyching myself up and just... talking. when i am "opening up", i can't meet the person's eye when i do, and wring my hands or pick something up and pass it from one hand to the other, but the point is i can do it..

i don't do it a lot, but when i need to, i can.

 

that post you left was pretty open. seems like you really wanna change this about yourself. so try writing more. might sound gay, but try a diary? or write letters then scrap them the minute yer done. or post more on sites like these too. cos funnily enough, there's no one easier to open up to than a stranger on the net who you'll never have to worry about facing!

 

i'm sure having her will make it way easier too - cos she seems like she'd be an easier person to talk to than most, y'know?

hope i was some help.

[asdf]

so what exactly is the problem? that you wish you were more open with her, or that you wish you didn't have to be? if you wish you were more open, then the first thing to do is just to simply tell her that you're not so good at showing your emotions. it's the truth, and i don't think it'd be too hard to do.