Read them all. My life....

[SadnConfused]

link removed

Letter to the ex. A posting of feelings I have had recently. There are so many things I want to add. i do as they come into my mind. I do not plan on sending the message. Just a vent. I encourage you all to read. It is enlightening.

 

It has been awhile since we have seen each other or even had a chance to really talk for that matter. In the past couple of weeks I have been able to do a lot of reflecting about us, life, a ton of things. It is strange. I am no longer upset about us not being together. I have reflections and memories about the things we have done, the things we planned on doing, and how it might be right now if we were indeed together. You are right. One time you said it would be different…. We are both to blame. Sometimes I did give you the impression that there was a lack of trust on my part. I agree, at some points I didn't know what you were going to do next. As you are an understanding person I know you can see things from my vantage point as well… Ex boyfriends calling, random guys calling / hanging out etc. I thought we created a closer connection than to let all of that matter. I am glad for you. I am happy you found someone new so fast. It is really wonderful and I hope it eases your mind and pain wonderfully. Guess what I think about. How you cried on the phone for me not to leave, how we talked a 10 times everyday the whole week after I left, how you said I miss, love, and appreciate you and your family 10 minutes before you went out with "some friends from work". It is called rebound. You need someone to be with. You have to have someone there. You have to have someone to hang out with. You have to feel needed. Evidently I did not give you all of those things. I sure as hell tried. I would have spent my life making you happy. I will meet someone. Someone who will appreciate me FOR REAL. Some one who will give back to me everything I have given them. I know I know you don't want to be 35 years old and wondering what you have missed. Guess what? You WILL be 35 years old and wonder what you have missed. It will be me. You will think about how I treated you and wish to GOD I was there to do it. It will be too late. I will not be around. I WILL have a GREAT life I WILL be happy. I will have a wonderful family and a wife who I treat even better and that I love twice as much and she will love me EXACTLY the same way back. She will be athletic, beautiful and we will love watching our family grow and attend their sporting events. We will be close as two people can be. My parents are. They are 51 and 50 years old. Dated since the 8th grade and Friday is their 33 wedding anniversary. I have it in my blood. That is the way I was raised. I have hoped and prayed that you will not have to deal with Huntington disease. I have hoped and prayed for you to be well. Lets face it there is a chance. It never mattered to me. Wouldn't you like to know that there will be someone there right next to you everyday just because they loved you that much?. I am strong. I am a strong man. I CAN overcome everything and anything. I WILL rise above and make MY life wonderful. I have faith. You do not have faith. You move on to one failed relationship after another. Don't you realize when things are good it takes work and compromise? Finding another fish in the sea is not good enough. Sooner or later it is necessary to make a love bond work. What? Move on to the next failing relationship and think it was just not meant to be? Think this person just was not the person for me? It is called cereal monogamy. This easy way to think of things leads to no love bond EVER. Only a series of highs that leads to a slide downhill to another broken relationship. You wanted it. It is your choice. I am done with thinking and trying. I put in my time. When should I cut my losses?

[melrich]

You sound as though you are very bitter about this break up. I think it is good for you to get your feelings out on paper and hopefully let them go.

 

Agrre don't send it to her.

 

Good luck

[SadnConfused]

Not bitter. it was never bitter. I gave it all to her. We still talk, briefly, Just hope she realizes someday. You know. I wont send it. I hope you looked at my old post first. I have seen you on here before. You have given good advice.

[melrich]

I'm not saying being bitter is necessarily bad and I am only commenting on what you have written here.

 

your family 10 minutes before you went out with "some friends from work". It is called rebound. You need someone to be with. You have to have someone there. You have to have someone to hang out with. You have to feel needed. Evidently I did not give you all of those things. I sure as hell tried. I would have spent my life making you happy.