i know its right but its hurt so bad!

[nygirl79]

You can find my initial posting from yesterday here: link removed

 

My BF of 2 years and I broke up last night. I had been doubting our relationship more than ever for a few weeks after I'd seen some behavior from him I didn't really like. Also his emotional baggage and a variety of other things made me wonder once in a while if this was right for me. I realized it is not a very healthy relationship. He actually ended up being the one to say it wasn't working, which surprised me. He said he knows we "butt-heads" a lot, because he has a different way of looking @ things than I do. I live by the "dont sweat the small stuff" attitude, he lives by "the small stuff should just not happen to begin with." Seems like an impossibility to me.....he also said he doesnt see marriage any time in the near future, if ever, and knows it is important to me. He doesn't want to hold me back and really needs to devote to his career. Understood.

 

I felt relief when he said all this, and I KNOW in my heart this is for the best, but now i cannot stop thinking of all the happy times and i just want to hug him and wish we were hanging out tonight cuddling. But i know that it would be a vicious cycle and that there'd be good times AND more bad times. I know that. We'd continue to have our ups and downs and I'd be unhappy. He's had problems controlling his emotions for 2 years now. Its just hard when all i can think about are the things we'd do together, the shows, the dinners, the movies, snowboarding, etc. I know we have a tendency to focus on the positive, but i guess i need to know how to really convince myself that this is for the best. Its like when we were still together and i was having doubts, i'd picture myself with someone else who made me happier, but now that we've broken up, i cant picture myself with anyone else!!! Why do we always seem to block out all the negative once we break up with someone, when it's so clear before the breakup!! Seems so unfair! UGH

 

Any advice/suggestions!?!

[Bounder]

Maybe you're just grieving now that the decision has actually been carried out. Its ok to be sad. But be acreful about how you show that to him. I think my ex is going through the same thing. We chatted for two hours last night, about everything and it was almost like we were back together, but bottom line she doesnt want me anymore, so why get nostalgic? It might have heped her more than it helped me. However, listen to your heart, sometimes we dont understand what we're missing until its gone. Though are the ngatives something that can be fixed or compromised on? All important things to consider.