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I know the answer, I just need some support.

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Hi all, it's me again.


Well the relationship I am in right now is going great. We've come to talk about the issue of sex, and due to her past relationship she needs a lot of time to heal from issues. I, of course am fine with that and I'm not going to pressure her into anything.


It's just that, bit by bit I am learning about her past relationship. At first I knew that he was a crappy boyfriend that she had sex with and regretted it. I then uncover that he would do things like come over JUST to have sex and guilt trip her into it, and she would give in. Things like that basically.


She has HUGE anxieties when it comes to sex and that is understandable. It just makes me want to cry when I think about the past she's had to deal with. I wish that I could take all her pain away, she's been through so much and she's been treated like crap. It's going to hurt her forever looking back on her first time and seeing it the way she was.


I can imagine how much it hurts her, because it hurts me so much to think about it. I get pains all up and down me and I want to change it but I can't.


It really, really hurts.


*edit* I just read through the poem again, God knows why. But I can't even describe the feeling now. I'm in tears. The words put this image in my mind and I honestly feel like finding this person and breaking them in two. My hearts beating faster and I can feel the rage building up in me. I deleted the poem from my computer. I shouldn't of read it again. I shouldn't have read how she was there crying and shaking and he threw her down and took advantadge of her. I shouldn't have read about the demons that live in her now because of it. I'm breaking inside.

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Her having psychological problems concerning sex is going to affect your relationship in a big way. The first thing I would do if I were you is get her some professional help. The sooner she gets help, the better off she will be in the long run. I knew someone who was very similar to your girlfriend, and she failed to get help. She's now 24 years old and still anxious when it comes to anything sexual - imagine that. This could very easily be your girlfriend in a few years.


In addition to getting her help, become informed yourself. There are a few good books out there. If SHE was sexually abused, (they call them sexual abuse survivors) you might want to refer her (in addition to professional help) a book called, "The Courage to Heal" by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis.


As far as what you can do - don't make her uncomfortable in the sexual dept. If she doesn't want to do things, you'll have to accept that it's part of her injury and she needs time to heal. How soon she'll heal is unknown. Some take longer than others, but I can say for sure that the sooner she gets help (while she's still young) the better off she'll be as an adult. Like I said, you don't want her to suppress her feelings and not get help. Doing so could make her sexual feelings progressively worsen as she gets older and develop a distorted view on sexuality.


PM me anytime.

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